My Dad Has Dementia

Today my lil sister had a baby! A little baby girl. 💕 Awwww. Such sweetness. The other 3 of us girls all had boys the first time around so she's the first to have a girlie first child.

My father, who has dementia, didn't flinch when I told him the great news. He asked "Girl or boy?"

From the moment he was told, he never once forgot that his daugher was expecting. (No matter how bad his short term memory is)

It's bittersweet in the sense that she gave birth and he wandered. All in the same day. I almost want to say that he may have been thinking that he has to "go do something" - go see his daughter, go help, or just go be there. As he always has been for us growing up.

His fatherly instincts are probably in full swing and one wonders if these kinds of big events triggers a response that his brain is just unable to handle.

During the day, he spent time with his brother and by the time I got to his house after work, he was socializing across the street and hanging out with the elderly neighbor.

Plants were watered, dishes washed, and the daily newspaper out like it had been read. I actually still don't know how he gets the paper. Does he have a subscription? Does he go to buy it? (I hope not because he shouldn't be walking anywhere.) These things are on my mind now because all of a sudden we need to know everything. And I mean every little thing.

I warmed up his dinner. (Food we got from the local Korean market the day before) We sat, he ate, we joked around and laughed about just about everything. If you know, you know. My dad is a jokester and is quit witted. Dementia he hasn't caused him to lose his ability to catch on to even the slyest of jokes and definitely has not detoured him from cracking a good one. :)

As he finished eating, I told him that I'd be back tomorrow. He knew he had a dentist appointment and that uncle (His best friend) was going to pick him up to take him. I gave him his night time meds and instructed him to stay in the house and go to bed. He agreeably said "Ok. See you tomorrow."

I felt good. Like "Yay! This was a good day."

I had a dinner to go to so got in my car and left. While out, I got a text from my mom who shared a very precious video of my sister's new baby. Sooooo cuuuute! And in the next minute I got a text from uncle saying that my dad had walked to his house. OMG.

Even if uncle's house is nearby still.....

The reason it's so scary is that he got lost driving about a month or more ago. It was the first time it happend and it was probably the most terrifying expeience ever. Now he's going off on foot?

Uncle brought him home and told him to go to bed. I checked up on him after dinner. He was fast asleep on his bed. All the lights were off. Boxes from his old office were opened and out. He had some clothes packed in a small box on the kitchen table. Inside the box were cards from his daughters and other family members, funeral programs of his family members and closest friends, and a notebook - like the kind he would carry around when he went to "go check a job". (For some reason he's been wearing his tape measure on his belt lately. Like he's going to work.)

It's really hard to see him like this. My dad and I didn't always get along. But we were close as a family and he always encouraged us to speak up, step up, and most of all suck it up. Not so much to hold things in or avoid addressing things but to suck it up and get things out. No matter how hard it was. I always imagined he did that because he didn't always have an easy time doing that with certain things.

I cried as I looked at him lying there sleeping.

If you've ever experienced anyone with dementia, you know that it's not easy. There is no rhyme or reason, organized timeline, or specified progression of this disease. For my dad it's been slow and steady but now all of a sudden he's having mini spurts of getting lost or feeling lost. In the last days, lost in his own house. The ONE place we all felt he would never forget.

To be continued...