My Child Was Bullied At School! Why Are Some Kids So Cruel?

I’ll never forget the first day I was bullied at school. I was sitting on the ground eating my packed lunch when two boys suddenly shoved me from behind, sending me crashing onto the concrete and scraping my hands. But that wasn’t the worst of it.

They grabbed handfuls of mud and hurled them at the classroom window above me before running off laughing. The teacher looked out, saw only me, and assumed I was the culprit.

When I returned to class, she dragged me over to the window, accused me, and threatened to dangle me out by my legs so I could “clean the mess myself.” It sounds exaggerated, but it happened. That was school in the 1970s — a time when fear, humiliation, and public punishment were often seen as acceptable tools for discipline. Looking back now, I realise how normalised that environment was, and how little space there was for a child to speak up or defend themselves.

Fast‑forward 45 years, and my 11‑year‑old son has now attracted the attention of bullies at his new school. Yesterday, when he stepped off the bus, they ripped his tie from his neck and tossed it between them. When he asked for it back, they refused — then shoved him hard to the ground, nearly breaking his wrist. Seeing him come home shaken, trying to make sense of why he was targeted, brought back memories I thought I had long buried.

Schools today have countless safeguards, anti‑bullying policies, and training. Teachers no longer threaten to dangle children out of windows or hit them with sticks. And yet, despite everything, bullying persists. The forms may have changed, but the emotional impact remains painfully familiar.

Some people still insist bullying is just a natural part of growing up — that children who are bullied are simply “too soft” and need to toughen up. But the damage it inflicts can be devastating, not only in childhood but throughout adulthood. The idea that suffering builds character is a comforting myth for those who were never on the receiving end.

This long‑term impact is highlighted in an article by BBC writer Kelly Oakes, focusing on bully victim RubySam Youngz. Like me, RubySam was singled out from an early age, and the effects followed her into adulthood. Oakes writes: “The relentless bullying, which continued through secondary school, had a knock‑on effect in all areas of her life, and she took up smoking and drinking in an attempt to cope.” Now 46, RubySam has only recently begun to understand how deeply those experiences shaped her. (Oakes, 2019)

I never connected my own early addictions — gambling, alcohol — to my experiences of childhood bullying. But reading RubySam’s story has now given me pause for thought. It made me reconsider how early wounds can quietly shape the choices we make later in life, even when we believe we’ve moved on.

The article goes on to explore why bullies behave as they do: violent home environments, learned behaviour, or simply a desire to exert power over others.

To add further complexities into the mix, our technological age has now pushed bullying into the cyberworld. This allows the bully not only an opportunity to victimise from a distance, but also to amplify their behaviour: “allowing the bullies’ actions to make them feel a false sense of fame.” (Calli Tzani‑Pepelasi, 2019) The cruelty becomes performative, shared, and sometimes celebrated — a far cry from the playground taunts of decades past.

But whatever the cause, one truth remains — the victim must live with the aftermath. And now, heartbreakingly, my son must begin navigating the same painful shadows I once did. All I can do is stand beside him, listen, and make sure he never feels alone.

Thanks for reading.

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Originally published at My Child Was Bullied At School! Why Are Some Kids So Cruel? | by Simon Aylward | ILLUMINATION | Sep, 2026 | Medium