Musings of a Recently Single Mother

Why is dating a single mom considered to be an achievement for some men? Just because a woman has children, she is automatically seen as a caregiver, or wifey material which does not make sense to me. I even chose to ask a male friend of mine about this.

While I was working as a hotel front desk clerk, I was asked out on dates on occasion. For some reason, it scared me that when I confessed that I was recently single with a toddler and expecting a new baby.... it didn't scare men off.

Dating a single parent is not a joke. It is not easy. It comes along with a lot of past pain and baggage. Sometimes people should be scared off. Choosing to step up towards a single parent comes with a whole lot of responsibility that you were not even prepared for... choosing to love another human being and their children. And if you are not prepared to love that child as your own, then you are not ready to be a parent.

In my own experience, I found out that my stepfather wasn't my biological parent by reading my own baby book. I understand now as an adult why they didn't tell me the truth, but I wish I would have known. But in twenty-three years, he never once left me. That to me says something about his character. No matter how many times we have butted heads, he still stood by me, even after my parent's divorce when I was fifteen years old. You do not just choose to step up towards a single parent, without the intention of loving the other parts of that person's soul, which in my opinion, is their children. I say that because my own children are truly the ever-living fibre of my existence. Raising children definitely isn't for the weakhearted though. It comes with a lot of love you didn't even know you had in you. It comes with a lot of responsibility, and sleepless nights. It comes with sacrifice and joyful moments, like their first steps.

Maybe casual dating just isn't for me, but choosing to step up to someone to be a role model for life isn't something to be taken lightly. Chances are, if you are dating a parent, they are spending their precious time with you and not their children. They are missing out on big moments in their little families' life. That is why being a part of their little children's world is so important.

Why do men and women search for someone to take care of them? I think it's because of a lack of taking care of things within ourselves. Maybe that's why people with children as the ideal potential partners when in reality, a lot of people have children but no idea how to love them fully.

Loving a single mother who has gone through a series of abusive events is even more difficult. At least I think so. Their children will always be their number one priority. A single mother never gives up, even with struggles, even if she has to do it alone. If you want to be a step-parent, you have to understand that part of that responsibility, is understanding that you are loving another human being. You are loving a part of that person's soul. It is a hard realization that it's not just the parent's heart you'll end up breaking if you choose to leave. Even if their biological parent isn't always present, that is still a part of that child's life. As a step partner, step-parent, you get the opportunity to STEP UP to the plate. Which also gives you the option to step up and leave. Which is so hard for the children involved. Sometimes it is best to stay away, until you are ready to become a part of their world for life.