Mothers

My Birth Mom

My mother was never the best representation of what a mom should be like, but she was the mom I had my entire life. To me everything she did was normal to me. She held me back from really experiencing normal childhood things such as school field trips, meeting family, going to friends houses, or having friends over. I couldn’t do school activities after school. My life consisted of going to school coming home, doing all the chores in the house, and babysitting my younger siblings. And once I was old enough to get a job, I worked all the time. I was just a kid and was burnt out by the time I got to highschool.

She was a very emotional abusive woman when she wasn’t putting her hands on me. I was her least favorite child but I tried so hard to please her. Never really told me she loved me unless she was joking around, always made me feel horrible about myself in every way possible.

My mother made me work hard to try to get away from her. That is until I turned 17. My mom had me convinced to drop out and help her by working and being home more. She was having a lot of health issues at the time and my siblings needed their mom. I did what I was told and dropped out, got my GED, and I worked hard to move up in positions at work to make more money.

Reflecting on that now just shows me how naive I was and I try not to beat myself up about it.

My Mother-In-Law

My mom kicked me out of the house when I turned 20. I had met a guy who helped me see that what my mom was doing wasn’t normal. I moved in with him and his mom without much of a choice, as I really had nowhere else to go. No money, no friends, my boyfriend was my only option at the time. I don’t regret it.

My mother-in-law is a strong, smart, loving woman. She has treated me more like a daughter than my own mom. She helped me and my now fiance get a good affordable apartment. Has helped us numerous times to get food and basic needs. And she has never once expected us to ever pay her back. My own mom still holds $100 over my head,knowing that is not something I can even afford at this time.

My mother-in-law is someone who I look up to so much. She’s my mom by every means. She’s my family.

The Mother I Want To Be

Having two completely opposite moms in my life, I’ve figured out the type of mom that I want to be for my own children.

I want to be the mom that lifts and encourages their children with every milestone and adventure in their lives. I want my kids to experience friendship, and meet their family, have playdates.

I want my children to be happy

I want my children to feel as though they can come and talk to me about anything, everything.

I want to protect my children from men like my stepfather.

I want my children to be able to make a good like for themselves. Get all the experiences from school and college. Good experiences in the workforce. Not like me who had to put up with coworkers sabotaging each other at every turn.

Children deserve the best in life. They don’t ask to be brought into the world. We bring them into our lives. It’s up to us to guide and give them the life they deserve. Because of the life I was given, I now suffer from anxiety, depression, and ptsd. I struggle to make friends, to find work where I am comfortable enough to not have a panic attack every five minutes, I have nightmares, and have struggled with eating disorders, and selfharm. Living with a parent that doesn’t want you except for personal gain takes a toll mentally on the child.

Children pick up on everything we say and do, our behaviors and emotions. Your changes don’t go unnoticed by children. And it’s my hope that I can be the best mom to my children than I can be.