Mother is getting happier and happier, and she has to let herself go on these three things.

Family education platform sponsored by Qian Zhiliang, teacher of Beijing normal University.

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In the first few years when every woman became a mother, anxiety, worry and fatigue increased exponentially.

Host Martin was so fickle that he wanted a divorce because his wife was in a capricious mood during her stay in the month.

Just as he was about to leave home, his wife asked him to sit with him for a day, and he agreed.

Only then did he understand his wife's deep meaning: "after you have really experienced it, you know what it means to put yourself in one's shoes, what is meant by empathy, and what is meant by comparing one's heart to heart."

The worst part is that these little things are just a corner of life.

Since becoming a mother, time and freedom have become particularly precious.

Gu Jia in "just Thirty" once said: "on the first day of the month, I felt that Gu Jia was dead, and it was Xu Ziyan's mother who survived."

The hardest job in the world is a mother, both physically and mentally, with new challenges every day.

Today, I use this article to talk to you about how mothers can do a good job in psychological adjustment, get out of the strange circle of anxiety and become happier and happier.

Let go of the guilt.

There is no perfect mother in the world.

If you ask mothers what is the most common feeling after having a child, then guilt must be in the answer:

In the year when the baby was born, he didn't have much milk and felt sorry for the child.

The child had a fever again at night, feeling distressed and blaming himself for taking good care of him.

Because of work, I don't spend so much time with my children.

From time to time, there is a voice in their hearts: I am not good enough for my children.

From the first day of their children's arrival in the world, mothers have a strong desire to raise their children well and try their best to give their children the best living environment.

But life is never satisfactory, and even if you work hard, your child will still have all kinds of problems.

When a friend was making milk powder for the child, the child rolled down from the bed and kowtowed his head. The friend was stunned and was busy holding the child for examination.

How long the child cried, she cried for a long time, blaming herself until she couldn't eat at night.

When problems arise, mothers feel guilty and reluctant to give up their children, while constantly attacking themselves and over-introspection, and it is difficult to pull away from the guilt for a long time.

The most desperate thing is that the rest of the family will also go to someone to "ask questions", and this person, most of the time is his mother.

With inner guilt and external accusations, mothers collapsed in an instant.

In the face of these voices, we should give up our obsession with perfection and let go of our harshness on yourself. even if no one understands you, you should be more considerate of yourself.

Because many of the problems in the process of children's growth are the result of the comprehensive impact of the environment, there is a lot of uncertainty, even if the mother is omnipotent, she can not avoid all the problems.

Without perfect upbringing, imperfection is real.

Take it easy. Our anxiety itself is a worry about the uncertainty of the future, and many of these worries don't really happen.

As long as we do our best with love, most of our worries will be resolved one by one. Mothers are not omnipotent. All we can do is to be responsible for our own actions and have a positive impact on our children. Instead of putting the responsibility for our children's actions on our own, there are a lot of things we can't control.

Only in this way is it possible to put aside the grinding guilt and easily accompany the child's growth.

Let go of the excessive depression of emotions.

It's normal to have a temper.

In Nan'an, Fujian Province, a mother of twins took her two sons to get vaccinated. When they got home, they had to do housework, cook and feed their children.

However, on this day, the two children were particularly uncooperative, and the physically and mentally exhausted mother could not hide her emotions. finally, she collapsed and sat on the ground crying bitterly.

Tortured by life to despair and tears, many mothers have experienced it.

No matter how good-tempered and patient people are, faced with endless housework and disobedient children, it is easy to accumulate a lot of grievances without the help of others.

After a long period of repression, he was angry about a little big thing, and finally he was filled with remorse.

A mother once said, "when we become mothers, we have a growing temper."

In fact, this is not the temper of mothers, but the result of long-term emotional accumulation.

Many people think: to be a good mother, to give up the "temper", losing your temper is immature and irrational.

However, emotions cannot disappear by repression.

Mothers are not saints, they will also have unhappy times, and they all need to find an outlet to vent their feelings.

Pike, a famous American psychiatrist, said:

"in this complex and ever-changing world, if we want to have a successful life, we must learn to be angry.

We have to learn to express our anger appropriately in different ways, sometimes euphemistically, sometimes directly, sometimes calmly, and sometimes we might as well get angry. "

In other words, as long as we pay attention to discretion, we can also lose our temper, and we can't blame ourselves for occasionally losing our temper at our children, who are not as fragile as we think.

Temper, can represent your bottom line, let the children understand: the mother will also have emotions, he should also learn to understand his mother's feelings.

When temper appears, find a way to take care of your feelings first.

Learn to care for yourself so that you can have the energy to love your children and your family.

Give up a lot of energy to change your husband and children.

Spend more time on yourself.

Many mothers' pain comes from trying to change their husbands and trying to control their children. when they find it very difficult to achieve, a steady stream of contradictions arise, and life is getting less and less beautiful.

Because, when you try to change others, you can't get happiness.

Take the relationship between husband and wife, for example, Heiko Nakamura wrote in his book worth it: don't try to be happy by changing others, but think about "how to be happy" or "how to try to make yourself happy here."

The 90-year-old man mentioned in the book that before getting married with her husband, a friend introduced her husband as "very nice" and ended up getting married.