I witnessed the rebellious process of a child: it's time for parents to change the habit.

Prejudices often lead to misunderstandings between parents and children, driving two generations apart.

A few days ago, I took my daughter to a restaurant.

During the meal, my daughter picked out the carrots from her bowl and asked me if I would eat them.

I didn't want to blurt it out:

"I like to give me what I don't like to eat!"

She glanced at me, paused, and continued to eat silently.

After a while, my daughter saw that I didn't get any sandwiches and handed me half the sandwiches she had left.

But I hummed softly:

"you can't eat until you give it to me!"

At this time, the daughter seemed to be fed up with it:

"you are so called to measure the belly of a gentleman with the heart of a villain. why do you always miss me so badly?"

Looking at her angry expression, I didn't feel that I had wronged her at all. I felt that my child had been like this since childhood.

But after that, my daughter was always depressed and seldom talked to me.

In life, it seems that many parents are used to looking at their children with their own stereotypes, feeling that they can see through their children's various considerations at a glance, and then express their views at will, but have not considered the impact of these words on their children.

Those "speculations" that blurt out actually hide the greatest malice to the child.

As parents, we really have to ask ourselves:

Am I sure I didn't misunderstand the child?

I just finished reading a book, parent-Child Communication Code, yesterday.

The book says that when we communicate with our children, we need to "clear the stereotype".

Complain that my elder brother always bullies his younger brother, grabs his younger brother's toys, is impolite and likes to swear. There doesn't seem to be a single advantage.

"Please find out the antonym of bullying your brother."

Mother said:

"that is to take care of your brother."

She asked her mother to recall the scene of the eldest taking care of the second child, and her mother also cited a lot of examples:

"when my younger brother was a child, he handed me a bottle. The last time he went out without his brother, he reminded me to buy gifts."

In the end, the mother suddenly realized that my brother really loved his younger brother and was kind to his younger brother. How could I only focus on the part that he did not love his younger brother and not encourage him to take care of his younger brother?

Too many prejudices filled the hearts of parents, I do not know how many children's hearts, how many children's character.

When parents learn to clear their prejudices, it is easy to find that their children are smart, alive, and constantly changing and growing.

In the variety show "where is Dad going?" Lin Yongjian's son Dajun stuffed rows of yogurt on the table into his schoolbag as soon as he entered the room.

When my father came into the room and saw it, he immediately yelled at it:

"Don't pretend, why are you pretending? it's not good for you!"

He looked at his son with a calm and bewildered look on his face. After putting the yogurt in his schoolbag, he let Dajie be locked up and reflected on himself in the house.

After a while, he pulled Dajun outside to have a heart-to-heart talk, and he began to preach again:

"it's not good to take advantage. Why should we take advantage?"

And Dajun said frankly:

"I don't think there are any other children."

After hearing this, he understood that he had misunderstood the child and immediately apologized to his son.

In fact, children will inevitably make mistakes, but some parents magnify these mistakes as selfishness and apathy.

If parents do not have the patience to experience the details of their children's growth, they naturally cannot see their children's hearts and needs, so they can only constantly enlarge their own views to judge whether their children are right or wrong, which can easily lead to misjudgment.

Most of the time, it is not that the child is not good enough, but that the parents look at the child with tinted glasses.

We always feel that our children are not sensible and obedient enough, but maybe we have never seen their hearts clearly.

Thoreau once said:

"it's never too late to put aside your prejudices."

As long as parents are willing to take the time to listen and communicate patiently, they will find that the poor comments made by their parents only magnify the prejudices in their hearts.

A few days ago, I found my daughter "rebellious".

Before, my daughter would help me with housework in her daily life, but now she doesn't do any work and is very serious. She doesn't lose any money playing with her sister. As soon as she says a few words, she slams the door into the house.

Now my daughter doesn't step out of her bedroom except for washing, eating and going to the toilet. She doesn't know what to do in her room every day.

Once, I inadvertently said at the dinner table:

"Why are you getting more and more ignorant now? How rebellious it is! Do you have to work against others? "

Unexpectedly, the daughter gave a cold hum:

"didn't you always say I was cold and selfish? you said that about me and missed me. Can I not do that?"

With that, she slammed the door into the room again, leaving me sitting in the same place with a bewildered face.

It turned out that I had blurted out the words to make the children feel that "this is already the case", it would be better to "break the pot".

Once a child is labeled "bad", it is easy to become an equally bad person in the label.

Psychologist W.I. Thomas once said:

"if people see situations as realistic, then their results are also realistic."

This is the "self-fulfilling prophecy", also known as "self-fulfilling prophecy", put forward by psychologist Robert Merton.

It means that our attitude towards others affects their behavior and, in the end, what they think of themselves.

Parents' bad "random speculation" will eventually become a life prediction that their children will gradually become worse and rebellious.

Over time, when the child is tired of explaining and buries all the rebuttal words in his heart, the parent-child relationship between you is drifting away.

The seemingly simple "speculation" hides the bomb of children's "rebellion" and the fuse that worsens the parent-child relationship.

There is a sentence in "Wisdom Education":

"the wrong upbringing creates the wrong children, and they have a much more impact than their parents think."

Wise parents know how to put aside their prejudices, be full of expectations, look at their children's advantages and disadvantages from a growing point of view, and constantly guide, affirm and encourage him.

Therefore, the highest level of family education is not to "manage" but to "understand" children.

1. Calm down and listen to your child.

I once saw a mother's share:

She came home from work in the evening and was preparing dinner. When she came out of the kitchen to see the scene, the volcano almost erupted.

She saw her daughter covered with lipstick from her eyes to her chin and forehead.

She controlled her temper and gently expressed her dissatisfaction to her daughter:

"Cece, I'm angry that you're wasting my lipstick like this."

However, before she had finished, her daughter said solemnly:

"Mom, I put on a devil makeup just to amuse you."

Unable to laugh or cry, she looked at her daughter's happy face and thought: fortunately, her way of dealing with it is not to blame and complain about the child.

Sometimes, things are not what parents see, but that we do not understand the motivation behind our children's behavior.

Therefore, the moment when a child makes a mistake is actually the most testing moment for parents, and whether they can calm down and listen to their children in time is the key.

Once it is not handled properly, it is easy to cause contradictions and misunderstandings between parents and children, and the most hurtful misunderstanding in the world