“Mommy, I’m Scared that Someone Will Take Me and Make My Eyes Close Forever”

Yesterday, everyone’s cell phones in the office went bananas, we all jumped in our chairs, and immediately grabbed them to see if it was time for our zombie apocalypse training to come in handy. It was an Amber Alert. It was a 16-year-old girl that had been taken by a 36-year-old man. I shivered a little bit, thinking that it sounded very similar to the “Morbid” podcasts I had been listening to recently. I made a mental note of the information, sat my phone back down, and went about my day.

Later on, I saw that the 16-year-old had been returned safely home and the suspect was in custody. Awesome! I thought to myself “I’ll read the story later. Probably a scumbag internet predator.”

My 6-year-old son had dinner with his dad and grandfather that night, so I actually had a few minutes to myself and get things ready for my baby’s last day of Kindergarten (that’s a whole other emotional level). When my son got home, we went about our nightly routines and got ready for bed.

All of a sudden, he says “Mom, there was a 16-year-old girl kidnapped by a man today.” It definitely caught me off guard, so I asked where he heard about it. He says that it came across his grandpa’s phone and he heard the adults talking about it.

This goes to show that they’re always listening, even when we don’t think they are.

I explained that the girl was home and safe and the bad guy had been arrested by the police. Everything was alright with the world, or so I thought. This led to a 30-minute question session about how the girl was taken, who the man was, where he took her, how she knew the man, etc. Most of the answers I gave him were an honest “I don’t know.” I kept reassuring him that the girl was ok, the bad guy couldn’t hurt anyone else, and that we would protect him with everything we had.

Now usually, my son would allow this conversation to evolve into how we would survive the zombie apocalypse, a tsunami, or something else impossible that has whirled into his imagination. However… my 6-year-old, innocent, kind-hearted, still in Kindergarten, sleeps with his plush Minecraft zombie, hot wheels loving, little boy tells me, “Mom, I’m really scared that some bad guy is going to take me away from you, hurt me, and then make me close my eyes forever.”

My heart freaking dropped into my stomach.

It took me a second to compose myself to be able to respond. All I could do is stay calm, tell him to crawl into bed with me, wrap my arms around him, and promise him that mom and dad would do everything that they possibly could to always protect him, even when he’s old and has kids of his own.

I tried to change the subject. The last thing I wanted was for that to be his last thought before going to sleep. I tried to think of everything that he loved that we could talk about to get his attention focused elsewhere. Which reminds me, I have to go by the store at some point today and find something for him that is “surprise” worthy.

This child grabbed my arms and wrapped them around him so tightly that after a few minutes, one of them completely lost circulation. I gave little thought to its tingling because a) I wasn’t letting him go and b) I wasn’t going to be sleeping anytime soon.

I told him that we would talk about it more tomorrow. So now, I am trying to figure out how in the hell to approach this. I want to be honest with him. I want him to know that there are monsters out there that do horrifying things to kids, but I also don’t want him living in fear. I have to find the right balance.

What Can We Do As Parents?

We need to do more as parents. Not only as parents of our own children. We have to watch out for each other’s children. We have to stop being afraid that we may “offend” someone and go with our gut. If something looks strange, there’s a reason. Intervene. Report it.

When I was a police dispatcher, we would get reports from citizens who witnessed what they “thought was someone being kidnapped” HOURS later. They would only make the decision to call after talking about it with their best friend, husband, pastor, third cousin, and nail tech. It took every ounce of professionalism in me to not say “well if this child was really kidnapped, they’re probably dead now. Thanks for doing your due diligence.”

Also, as parents, WATCH your damn kids. I am by no means blaming the parents of missing children and I know that it’s not possible to keep our eyes on them every minute of every day. I am speaking to those who could not care less what their children are doing as long as they aren’t bothering them.

We took my son to Chuck E Cheese last weekend. We have a rule “If you can’t see me, I can’t see you.” It was apparent that we were the only ones in there with any sort of rule for anything. I wound up babysitting at least three other kids while there. Not only they were just unsupervised, apparently, I guess, since there were no parents to be seen, but they almost killed themselves and tried tearing the entire place apart.

I had to climb up the skee ball ramp to get a 2-year-old that was climbing UNDER the freaking partition where the balls go into the holes. I grabbed him gently, placed him down, and told him to go find his momma. I was trying to watch and make sure that he found her, but then I got distracted by another child stealing my son’s play pass. I was so sick of bebe ass kids by the time we got out of there, but if someone would have tried to walk out the door with one of them, I would have fought them to the death for that child. I just hope and pray that if something ever happens, that someone would do the same for mine.

Of course, I get annoyed when children do bad things while unsupervised by their guardians, but it mostly just terrifies me. My high anxiety always leads my brain to the worst possible scenario and I can’t help but envision someone walking out the door with this child and them never being seen again. Parental stress is a real thing. I understand that sometimes we want a second, we just need to take a breath. Which leads me back to the need to watch out for each other and our children. Instead of judging (which I am immensely guilty of) let’s try helping.

I need to be able to believe that another human (parent or no) would have the courage to help my child if he were in danger. Otherwise, the nausea I feel as I drop him off and watch him walk away would never go away.

***Story previously published by author on Medium.com***