Mindful Parenting and Letting Go

Being a parent is rarely easy. We altogether too frequently are capable of putting unfair pressure on our kids to live up to our expectations of what our family life should look like. We need to learn to recognize these situations and when it's best to let things go for the overall well-being of our children.

Mindful Parenting

The idea of mindful parenting does not have to be focused on meditation or spirituality, those are tools that can help. It is, instead, a method of being present in the relationship between you and your child. By being mindful, we can enjoy living in the moment and experiencing the growth of our own families. While there is no universally accepted definition of mindfulness, GoodTherapy describes it this way:

Mindfulness may be fundamentally understood as the state in which one becomes more aware of one's physical, mental, and emotional condition in the present moment, without becoming judgmental.

My Own Childhood Memories

A lot of things have been taken away this year because of the pandemic. One aspect that I really didn't see coming was that our local ski hills would also be closed. This one hurt deeply as I had high expectations for this ski season.

When I was six years old, my grandparents gave me my first pair of skis and boots for my birthday. This initiated a family tradition and some of my happiest childhood memories. My dad taught me to ski, and a couple of years later he taught my sister. I grew up only a few hours drive away from the Rocky Mountains. When we were older, my parents saved up all year so that we could take trips to places like Jasper and Banff and spend long days skiing and playing hard.

I loved being the girl who had her own skis. I loved that there wasn’t a run that I couldn’t do. I was not on a ski team and probably (okay, definitely) didn’t have a lot of finesse, but I wasn’t afraid of the ominous Black Diamond. When I was in university, my parents took my sister and I on a once-in-a-lifetime ski holiday in the Alps. It was incredible, at the end of our days on the slopes, we skied right down the road and on to our doorstep. My dad took a wrong turn one day and had to jump off of someone’s garage!

I will never forget those times. My dad, my sister and I would play ‘follow the leader’ down the mountain, taking bush paths and jumps or going as fast as we could. We pushed each other out of our comfort zones and it was so much fun!

Making Memories With My Daughter

Fast forward thirty years. I’m a mom. My daughter is five, this is the year that I’ve planned on introducing her to skiing. I purchased early bird season passes to a local hill called Snow Valley (which I feel is just perfect) and took her to the ski swap to buy her first skis and boots. I was so excited to start something that would be just for the two of us.

I was a little worried, admittedly, that I wouldn’t be the same caliber of teacher as my dad was. My daughter is particularly head-strong and we’ve had a few clashes over my attempts at teaching her piano. So, I booked her lessons during Christmas break. Three half-days of instruction designed specifically for little kids with no experience. Too perfect, right? Right.

The pandemic effectively cancelled all of our plans. The lessons were refunded first, then later the season passes. The ski hills remained closed until February 20th.

I didn’t want to lose the whole season or watch her outgrow her first boots without ever trying them out, so I decided to buy us lift passes and just go and try it. I should have tried to get her a private lesson.

Well, I am not my dad, and my daughter is not me. She sits down the exact second she gets any momentum going and she can’t get back up. Skis are awkward extensions of your feet and it takes a lot to get used to them. She won’t point them in a snow-plow V (or pizza, as we tell the little kids) she crosses them instead. She managed to get her knee so twisted around that I thought it was going to be seriously hurt. I didn’t yell, but I felt so frustrated that she either couldn’t or wouldn’t do anything I was telling her to do.

We did two runs.

So here’s where I think I made the right choice. We went home. The lift passes cost us $90 for an hour of skiing (oh, the runs took a long time, it was painful). My dad used to have us get up early on New Year's Day every year so that we could get there when the lifts opened and spend the whole day on the mountain while others recovered from New Year’s Eve celebrations. It rubbed me the wrong way to think that I wasn’t getting the full worth out of lift passes. Maybe I’m more like my dad than I thought?

But. I need to consider this from a lifetime perspective. Neither one of us were having fun. This impromptu ski day was also not what I had originally planned. If I want to foster childhood memories for her like I had, then I need to make learning to ski a positive experience, not something to dread.

Considering mindfulness and living in the moment, where my daughter and I currently were was not a good place. I was trying to force something that simply wasn't working. I took a deep breath and looked at my poor kid, trying her best not to cry.

So I let it go. I gave her a big hug and we talked about trying again another day. We got McDonald’s for lunch as a treat. She went to school the next day and excitedly told all the other kids about her lift ticket on her jacket. Luckily, I managed not to ruin skiing.

If we lose a season of skiing, it really isn’t the end of the world. I was six when I started, right? I would rather learn to be flexible on some things and ultimately focus on a happy, positive childhood experience for my family.

A Lesson in Mindfulness

Pandemic challenges aside, this is a life lesson for me as a parent. Not everything is going to go according to how I envision it. I’ll say it again: not everything is going to go how I think it should go. I feel a deep-seated need to plan my family’s activities. That part I can’t change, and that’s okay, there’s nothing wrong with having plans. What I can change is my reaction to when things don’t go like how I wanted them to. This is the key to mindful parenting - identifying the things that don't matter and focusing on what is going to help my family be happy in the long run. I can practice being flexible and adapt, and hopefully not put so much pressure on my family, too.

Ultimately, there will still be snow for another month where we live, so maybe my daughter and I will get another chance! If we don’t, there is always next year, and I can rest easy with that. And if after trying again from a more positive space, we learn that skiing isn't something my family will do, I will find new ways to foster those positive, happy and healthy family memories.

Hi! If you enjoyed this article on my parenting journey, please consider leaving a ❤️ Thank you!