Memories Won't Wait For You To Be Made

“Wealth consists not in having great possessions, but in having few wants.”

― Epictetus

Once upon a time, I chose work over my friend in need. I didn’t want to let my coworkers down. I couldn’t just leave. Could I?

“Shannon? Hey, sorry to bother you,” my good friend Autum had called me in tears. She couldn’t seem to get the words she wanted to say out.

“Hey, are you okay? What happened?”

“James came home and was pissed at me for not picking up the yard, so he shoved my face in dog-shit,”

Louder than I’d anticipated, I responded, “HE DID WHAT?” In a lower voice, I asked, “do you have somewhere to go?”

“No, I don’t think I should leave,” she sounded so alone.

I felt useless as I didn’t have a car. But at that moment I told her that I was stuck at work. What a horrible friend I was. I could have found a way to get to her. I had a boyfriend — though a jackass who wouldn’t have even driven me home to avoid miles and gas — or I could have asked my dad for help. My main concern was work. I didn’t want to leave work. What would my manager think of me?

Luckily, my friend saved herself and divorced him months later. Not before he gave her a black eye, of course. She kept silent because no one came to her rescue. No one stood up for her. Her inlaws were convinced she left because she cheated on him; she finally took to social media to discount the rumors and shared her story for all to see the bruises and marks he left her.

From that moment on, I made sure I left work if ever someone needed me.

In college, I had hoped to graduate with a two-year Associate’s Degree and quickly join the working world as I could be a Starbucks manager. Shoot for the stars, right?

In reality, I had no idea what I wanted to do in school, and I seemed to be a damn good worker. With that, I could go back to school later.

This wasn’t in my dad’s cards. So, off to University I went without any idea of what I would do with my major in Multimedia.

I put effort into courses I felt interested in, but other courses — necessary for my degree — did not get any attention above a C effort.

Regardless of having committed full-time to school, I also worked between 30 to 35 hours a week. Still, I was determined to work and make money.

As the months went on, the workload piled up, and time felt fleeting. Every moment I tried to squeeze in to study, I would find myself dozing off. Lunch breaks being only 30 minutes, is barely enough time to get 5 pages of reading in.

I finally graduated with my Bachelor’s Degree, no intern experience, and grades that looked like I didn’t care about school. I continued to work at Starbucks because I couldn’t find a company that would take someone who didn’t have experience in my field.

In one interview, a woman almost hung up when I told her I had not interned anywhere. This was quite a wake-up call for me. I assumed a degree was enough to show I had some experience. I was so focused on working and making money that I dismissed my professor’s suggestions on applying for internships — most were unpaid.

I left Starbucks and found a job as an administrative assistant at a local company. This company was full of misfits and salespeople. Many of the people the managers hired had no experience in their roles. They were trained in-house to ensure they knew how they ran things.

I started working around 40 hours a week (45, if you count the lunch break). As time went on and workers left, I started taking on more roles. I was closer to an assistant manager than an administrative assistant.

I loved my job. I would come in early and stay late. I was receiving raises every 3 months due to the work I would take on. One day, the manager quit, and I had to help train the new one.

When I found out I was pregnant, I worked close to 50 hours a week — and dabbled with the idea of coming in a half-day on my days off. The company paid me the overtime happily because they couldn’t find a second administrative assistant (which was ideal for that location).

I knew I had to spill the news of my pregnancy sooner rather than later. The Vice President of the company, knowing the possibility of me leaving, offered a promotion before maternity leave.

Though the offer of a title change and raise were extremely tempting, I knew I couldn’t stay. The more my husband and I discussed the cost of daycare and work schedules, we were faced with spending my entire paycheck towards childcare, and we would spend maybe 3 hours with our daughter and never see one another.

When my daughter arrived, I was relieved that we made the decision we did. There were so many struggles that we faced the first few months, including jaundice and colic. I focused on my daughter’s needs and did not stress about sleepless nights, knowing I did not have to leave for work the next morning.

I felt good about the decision to stay home, but my stubborn attitude about work and building stress on income began to surface. My husband’s job was inconsistently paying him, prompting a fight amongst us.

I applied to work at Starbucks again — part-time — working until midnight. This was a great opportunity as my schedule allowed for my husband to work during the day, and I could work at night.

Then my schedule became a problem. He felt exhausted after work and would prefer if I were home. I felt stressed that I was trying to bring home money, but I wasn’t home enough to relieve my husband. I was tired from coming home late, waking up at least 2 times a night, and watching my daughter during the day. Not to mention doing the grocery shopping, chores, and cooking.

I felt as though I couldn’t win.

I suggested we move in with my dad while we figure it out. We would save money and be helping my dad out as he had lost his job.

My husband found a new job that paid more in commissions and allowed him to work from home, and I decided to work a restaurant job that was more flexible on hours — less than 20 hours a week.

As my husband’s work paid more, and I felt more miserable as my schedule got in the way of his schedule, I decided to quit for both our sakes.

This was the first time I quit for no other reason than my mental health. I decided that my family would be my job.

I focused more on my physical and mental health as well as my hobbies. I decided to dive back into writing — something I had been putting off for the longest time — and try to make something of it.

A job does not have to be working for a company, receiving health benefits, and contributing to a 401K.

After all my experience in work, I think it’s important to look inward and consider what’s most important. For me, my family and my health were the most important aspects of my life. The money would come and go. We could find ways to save, ways to experience life together, and not feel tied to one job.

Careers and money are fleeting. There will always be an opportunity to return to work or find ways to make money. But time will not wait for you to spend moments with your growing baby or the ones you love. You’ll miss the moments that matter most.