Memories of the Heart

“Molly, when are Mommy and Daddy coming home?”

Sitting over on the couch, staring at her phone while her little sister played with her dolls, Molly took a breath. “Maybe at dinner.”

The little girl stopped playing with her dolls. She tilted her head at her sister. There was that tone again. Since yesterday, everyone spoke to her with little energy. Or removed tears with a tissue. Normally, her family was so happy. “Why wouldn’t Daddy smile this morning?

“He’s sad Bonnie,” Molly snapped at her without glancing at her. Such a stupid question.

“Adults shouldn’t be sad. They’re always happy!” Bonnie said, throwing her hands in the air in an attempt to make her sister laugh. She waited for a reply from Molly. Nothing. Just like this morning, she continued to stare at her phone. Curious, Bonnie walked over to the couch and sat down with her.

“Molly?”

“What?”

“When are we going to see Grandma again?”

Molly shut her eyes. “Bonnie, Grandma died.”

“When is she coming back?” the little girl asked.

“She’s not,” Molly gritted her teeth. Why did her parents have to leave her to babysit today? They were the ones who should be explaining this subject to Bonnie.

“Why?” Bonnie asked. That was her favorite word.

“Because she died!” Molly spat, starting to get flustered. Once she looked into her sister’s innocent eyes, she calmed down a little. Molly was also five when she learned about death for the first time. Her neighbor next door died. This must have been how her mother felt when she was questioning her.

“She can’t come back, okay,” Molly told Bonnie as calmly as she could. Her voice was rigid.

“But, why is Daddy sad?” Bonnie asked again.

“Because he misses Grandma.”

“Where did she go?”

Molly shrugged her shoulders. That was a good question. “I don’t know, heaven.”

The little girl smiled, excitement containing her countenance. “Can we visit her?”

“No!” Molly yelled in her face. She sniffled, trying to hold back the tears.

“We can’t see her ever again?” Bonnie’s shoulders slumped at that awful concept.

Realizing that there was no need to raise her voice, Molly patted her sister’s auburn hair, putting her phone aside. “Well, someday.”

“Do you miss her?” Bonnie questioned.

Once again, Molly just shrugged off her sister. Even though she was the eldest and had a better understanding of death in contrast to when she was five, nobody told her about these emotions. Why did she feel this way? “Why would I? She didn’t remember me anyway.”

“So, why are you crying?”

Was she crying? Swiping the tears from her cheek, Molly tried to turn away from her sister, grabbing her phone to distract herself. “Bonnie, would you just leave me alone?”

“Mommy was telling me that we can share stories about her to make us feel better,” Bonnie explained, tapping her sister on the arm to get her attention.

Intrigued, Molly turned to the little girl. “What do you remember?”

Bonnie’s whole face lit up at the question. “I liked how I got to show her my drawings all over again. She always liked the one with the barn owl. Grandpa said owls are her favorite. And each time I showed her I could make up a different story. She liked it every time!”

A little smile appeared on Molly’s face as she nodded. Having to repeat the same thing over to her Grandmother made her sad. But not Bonnie. She always enjoyed spending hours in conversation with her. Without Bonnie, her grandmother would never have talked again, falling into a silent dark chamber.

Maybe that’s why Molly had stopped spending so much time with her. “Yeah, I liked that.”

“What’s your favorite memory with her?”

All Molly could think about was the day her father told her of the horrible disease that was going to affect her Grandmother’s mind. That was long before Bonnie was born. She hadn’t thought about the happy memories for so long. “I don’t know.”

“I like how you always showed her the pictures on your phone,” Bonnie smiled.

Oh yeah, that was true. “Yeah, Grandpa loved when I did that. He said it made her remember things better. And smile.”

“Do you think if we look at more pictures Daddy will feel better?”

“It’s possible,” Molly said quietly.

“Molly?”

Molly turned to meet her sister’s eyes. For a bright child, she still looked confused, trying to understand it all. “Yeah?

“Can I look at your pictures?” Molly smiled.

Another tear fell down her cheek as she gathered her sister into a big hug. “Sure.”