Mama, I'm Sorry It Took So Long to Say This

Hey Ma,

Until I became a mother myself, I didn’t realize what a hard and thankless job motherhood can be. The long hours and sleepless nights. Let’s not forget the dark cloud of mom guilt anytime you want a break from your child. Sometimes I just stare in the mirror and the little voice in my head says “WTF, you have to be someone’s mom 24/7 for the rest of your life?” What a huge responsibility!

I remember my teenage years all too well. Like most teenagers, I went through a phase where you couldn’t do anything right in my eyes. I wanted to live in my own little bubble and be left alone. I’m sure if I look back through my childhood journals, I’ll find a page that says “Ugh! I can’t stand her!” or “I’m running away!”. But guess what Ma? I realized something. You hated my guts too!

Okay, okay, hate is a strong word. I know you always loved me. You probably just didn’t like me for a while. It’s fine, you can admit it. How could I blame you? In true ungrateful brat fashion, there were many times I took you for granted.

Remember dropping me off to college for the first time? It probably feels like yesterday even though it was over 10 years ago (gasp!). We had to drive close to 12 hours to a city neither one of us had ever been to. I remember being really irritated the whole time for several reasons (obviously none of which I can remember now). I also remember being embarrassed to be around you. I’m ashamed to say it because it honestly doesn’t make sense. Every freshman was there with their parents or some older guardian, so what was my issue? Maybe I thought everyone else’s parents were cooler (let’s be honest – everyone thinks everyone else’s parents are cooler than their own). Regardless, I let my emotions get the best of me and made it awkward for us both. You never said anything to me about it, but I know I hurt your feelings. For that, I apologize. If it’s any consolation, when you finally left to drive back home and I realized I had that independency I craved so badly, I instantly became a ball of tears. No exaggeration. I just wanted my mommy back.

It’s easy to think back on the big milestone moments where I could have showed more gratitude, but the real treasure is in the day-to-day interactions we shared. So, I wrote this poem to reflect on all the little things you’ve done (and continue to do) for me.

For kissing my boo-boos and wiping my tears

You taught me to never give in to my fears

Thank you

For the birthday cake you bake me every year

For always being the loudest cheer

Thank you

For every home-cooked meal, made with love

For every sweet forehead kiss and big bear hug

Thank you

For all the sacrifices you made to give me the best

For pushing through when all you wanted to do was rest

Thank you

For raising my brother and I all on your own

I never once heard you complain, not even one groan

Thank you

For your unwavering faith, your resilience too

You taught me to dream, and more importantly to pursue

Thank you

For all of your prayers, a mother’s job is never done

For your kind spirit that shines bright as the sun

Thank you

Your love for me is so deep and strong

You have patience with me even when we don’t get along

I finally understand, I’m sorry it took so long

Mama, for all you’ve done for me

THANK YOU.

Love,

Poo-Poo