Lorelei's Letters - Letter Seven

Lorelei's Letters is a series of posts addressed for my daughter, but that have general statements that I believe everyone should hear from someone, at some point in their lives. Basically, they are letters from mother to daughter, trying to explain this crazy world, and give some advice. A lot of them are on dark topics that I hope my daughter will get through with no scars. I hope you enjoy, or at least take something from the letters. Know that no matter who you are, where you are, or what you've done, you are loved. - A mother

Dear Lorelei,

You are two weeks away from being three years old, and you are a monster. You've started hitting me. Just me. No one else. But it takes everything in my soul to not hit you back. Time outs in your room do nothing, so we've recently adapted to the time out in a corner and face the wall. Which- you also hit me for putting you in time out. It's a wonderful time in your life and I'll look back on these memories and cherish them... I'm joking. I'm going to try very hard to erase every memory of you screaming "NOOOOOOOO!!!" At my face when I tell you we don't have anymore yogurt.

I've read the articles about kids being 800% worse for their moms because they're comfortable with them. But just once I'd pay you to be the babysitter or one of your teachers. Someone pulled the fire alarm at your school the other day and your teachers bragged about how well you listened and behaved while you all had to sit outside while the firemen checked the daycare. They bragged to me when I came to pick you up and they were so happy with you and you politely hugged them goodbye and then we got in the car and you screamed bloody murder that you wanted more juice. I want to be your teachers. I want you to 'open your listening ears' and pay attention and listen to me and just have fun with me all the time.

But unfortunately, I'm in charge of punishing you when your bad and teaching you how to be a good human for everyone else. Everything I've read has told me to be calm; to take you away from the situation and calmly explain why I stopped you from playing and why whatever you did was bad. But when I try to do that and you smack me in the face in the middle of talking to you, it takes a lot to not scream in your face. I also read that the suggested time out amount of time is equal to your age. I don't follow that either. We start at two minutes (because you're two years old) and it goes up as you continue to kick and scream and smack me. I've read four different parenting books- so obviously I'm a parenting expert now- and I gotta say, I think they're wrong. I think sitting you in time out for however long it takes for you to calm down and apologize is the right amount of time.

I've had people tell me that they think spanking you would have more of an effect. I was spanked as a child, but not that young. You are still young enough that half the time I try to punish you, I'm pretty sure you have no idea what I'm punishing you for. I also don't know how much I benefited from being spanked as a kid. I wasn't scared for life or anything, I was only spanked when I was a truly horrible child. I know I deserved to get punished. I believe that my father did what he thought was right. It was also a lot more common back then. But I don't know if I want to parent that way. The world has changed a lot. Hitting you for hitting me also doesn't seem like the best punishment in the world for teaching you not to hit.

Meltdowns I don't really punish you for. You, being two years old, have meltdowns at least seven times a week. Some days are better than others. But you do have meltdowns. I'm fortunate enough that I have decided to ignore you when you do this. You throw yourself on the ground and scream like someone just murdered a puppy in front of you... so I walk away. If we're at home, I walk into another room and usually close a door and lock it. If we're in public, I walk away. I turn around and leave. I've left you on the floor of Walmart, screaming your lungs out. You usually calm yourself down within two minutes and I give you a hug and everything winds up okay. This is why I hate timeouts. I can't walk away from a timeout and have you sit still and face the wall.

I will say though, we bond a little bit during a timeout. You are usually upset and screaming and I'm usually upset and trying not to scream. We sit there and take deep breaths together. It's time out for both of us, which is unfortunate when I'm actually trying to get things done, but it's nice once we both actually calm down. It's nice when you apologize and turn around and hug me like you actually are sorry. I almost look forward to that moment when the timeout is about to end. To tell you the truth- it's one of my favorite of our times together.

You drive me absolutely bonkers. I hope one day you have a daughter just like you. I hope she's the cutest baby in the world and everyone compliments you on your wonderful, sweet, beautiful daughter while you're out in public. I would wish upon you that she has your glorious attitude also... but I know I'll have to babysit one day and I'll be too old to deal with a mini-mini me at that point. You truly are a mini-me. My father wished I would have a daughter just like me, and here you are. And amidst the hitting and the screaming and the potty training - I wouldn't trade a minute of it. These precious days are few.

I love you to the moon and back, my sweet, stubborn child.

~Mommy