Life as we know it

For many years I have struggled with the concept of "Live within your means" as so many of us struggle financially for whatever reason that is mostly out of our control. Some might say that we put ourselves in our current position however what people don't always think about when you moan about your financial situation is that, yes we did choose this path in life but the overall result will be remembering the days when things were so tough that you weren't sure where your children's next meal was coming from and the soul destroying decisions you had to make, but from the comfort of your nice home that is now a safe haven for you and your family because you made that sacrifice at that stage in your life in order to better it. I often think that one day I will be in that safe haven, but right now I am in my "life bubble", struggling to make ends meet on one income (much thanks to my supportive hard working hubby) which is not that big for supporting a family of five, whilst I put myself through more education at nearly age 40 to better my career prospects and chance of a bigger salary that comes with it, making that safe haven a realistic goal and not an impossible dream. We are currently looking at remortgaging to consilodate all the debts that have racked up whilst being a student and full time Mum, but trying to live the life that I wanted for my family, including the memory making holidays that are so important to my family's mental health. These holiday's of course are important, but little did I realise the long-term impact on our mental health which made the short-term benefits fly out of significance! The arguments caused by poor, financial, spur of the moment decisions, the necessity of saying NO to your children's demands that once were met with a Yes!!! all contribute to a very unhappy household who were already on the brink of collapse when my younger sister died of bowel cancer just before the start (and was partly the reason why) of my life plan upheavals. For most of my working life I have given my soul to the NHS as a bottom grade staff nurse and felt little desire to go up the ranks as family of two turned into family of five over the last 12 years and brought much joy to our lives. Losing my sister at the young age of 33 put a lot of things in my little life bubble into perspective and I made the grand decision to quit nursing and follow my mother's career choice by training to become a maths teacher! Don't ask! But here I am three and a half years later, one assignment away from finishing my degree and in the worst place mentally that I think I have been ever! Making big decisions, big financial choices, making that safe haven seem like an impossible dream again. But remembering what one of the last things my sister said to me before she died, which was, "Don't be sad for me! Live your life happily no matter what is thrown to test you, as long as you are surrounded by those who love you and make you feel safe then you will achieve happiness" (Nicky Vanstone, 2016) and so here I am, getting me "Happy" and only then can I make that impossible dream an achievable reality again, one day....