Lessons from my Parents

It is easy to dote on one’s parents. It is in our nature to adore the people who raised us, especially when they have been blameless as parents. I am no exception to that rule. They have shown me how in spite of the setbacks that life has in store for me, I can still do great things.

All Endings are New Beginnings

This story begins at a graduation ceremony. The atmosphere was electric. Everyone and theirs were bubbling with pride and were in awe of the achievements of the graduands. Finally, the vice-chancellor declared, “By virtue of my authority as vice-chancellor, I admit you to those degrees, of which you have qualified!” Hats flew up, as the students officially graduated, and in typical Kenyan fashion, ululation and dancing ensued.

The year was 1993. My mother, Lily, a little younger then, had attained higher education and was ready to take on the challenge that was the world. After all, she was smart, driven and ready to make something of herself.

She came from quite the family. She had a surgeon for a father - something not many Kenyans in the eighties could boast of, and even when he was busy at work as all medical practitioners can be, she had her grandmother, who could only be described as a pillar of a woman. She saw a lot of herself in her granddaughter, and as a result, expected a lot from her too.

My Father, Thomas, was now armed with a Bachelor's degree in Business and Commerce- a highly-regarded course at the time. He had chosen this course because it was common knowledge that students with business degrees found work almost immediately after school. Thomas, the driven, ambitious and hardworking youth found this alluring and made sure to graduate top of his class to increase his prospects. His ambition surprised everyone who took the time to get to know him because at first glance, it would appear he was an easy-going, fun-loving 23-year-old, who did whatever pleased him and had nary a care for the future.

The relationship between the two had been going on for about two years by this time. She was attracted to his charismatic charm and apparent easy-going lifestyle and he found her assertive, conservative nature., and the high regard which she held herself was simply irresistible to him. A typical case of opposites attract. However, this blooming relationship would be put to the test because graduation also meant that their lives would possibly drift them apart.

The Expert was Once a Beginner

As a recently qualified educationist, the start of Lily’s career was in the hands of the Teachers Service Commission, a body in charge of Government-employed teachers and their welfare. Any new teacher eager for work knew signing up with the T.S.C. was the way to go and so Lily did exactly that. Her first assignment was to teach French at an all-boys high school in Asumbi, Nyanza, western Kenya. Asumbi was vibrant, filled with culture, good food and excitement. A good place to start.

As you can imagine, a boys-only school can be an intimidating place for a teacher fresh out of college, especially when the teacher is a young beautiful woman. The boys can be rowdy and chaotic and the lack of female interaction is enough to render them crazed in the presence of a woman, almost as if they can’t control the hormonal impulse to whistle and catcall. It didn’t help that Lily was a stunning beauty by all standards. Her complexion was dark enough to accentuate her eyes, which were the colour of a sunset by the lake. She was slender and poised, headstrong and assertive- some would even say a little proud. After all, she was brought up around excellence, why wouldn't she be?

8 am. Monday morning. The student was finally the teacher. She greeted the students in her French class the only way she knew how. Clearly, without a falter, in French so perfect that everyone, including her evaluator, seated at the back of the class keenly scribbling in his notepad, was taken aback. She then proceeded to teach like she had been doing it all her life. Even though doing education was an executive decision made for her by her father, she slowly discovered that not only was she skilled at teaching but that she also loved it. Even with this new found love for teaching, she felt that she was meant to do a lot more than just that. She continued to excel at her job nonetheless.

Five hundred kilometres across the country, at the eastern coast of Mombasa, Thomas had successfully applied for a job at a Ferrying company in Mombasa, one of the many operations running under The Mediterranean Shipping Company Limited.

His foresight prodded him to learn about the company’s dynamics. He explored the width of their departments and soaked up as much as he could. He wrote their export record documents and managed the resupplying of cargo ferries. His devotion to his work was fierce, and because of it, opportunities arose. Equipped with the knowledge that they seldom knock twice, he took them as fast as they came.

Change is as Good as Rest

All entrepreneurs have that moment when they evaluate their jobs, and why they were putting in forty hours a week to actualise someone else’s dream. Lily had that moment, and it was then she realized that all along, she was an entrepreneur at heart. After a successful two year stint in Asumbi, she was ready to try something new, expand her horizons. She was going to actualise her own dreams. After all, change is as good as rest. She found that change in a restaurant she opened, where she served local delicacies. Located in the heart of the city, right next to the railway club, it attracted the working-class women and men who often left their offices for a quick lunch. Brilliantly, she opened a mini-mart, where she could make an extra buck, as well as supply her own restaurant, which worked perfectly. Business was second nature to this young spirited entrepreneur.

Thomas, following opportunity’s lead, found himself working as the marketing executive for Caltex, an oil company. He would frequent the restaurant to have a quick bite and sometimes lend his wife a helping hand when time permitted. He washed the dishes, waited tables, in support of the budding business owner he saw and deeply admired in his wife. At this point, he discovered the drawbacks of working for large corporations, and how the security of his job relied heavily on the performance of the company as a whole. He watched his seniors, men in their fifties and sixties who had gotten much too comfortable in their roles worry about losing their jobs and found that unappealing. However, he understood that his monthly wages enabled Lily to pursue riskier opportunities. The newly wedded couple had set the foundation for financial freedom. But sometimes things don’t always go to plan.

Failure Teaches More than Success

It seemed like life was going pretty well in the summer of 1998. The restaurant was booming, the mini-mart provided them with food, and even though Lily, who had been running these businesses was not very experienced in management, was handling it with grace. As if she was not doing enough, she had also just become a mom.

One fateful morning that summer, Lily received a phone call that changed everything. Freemark, the open-air market where she had set up her stall, was being razed to the ground. All anyone could do was watch helplessly as flames consumed well-nigh everything in their path. Some said it was the government trying to reclaim some property whilst others blamed the arson on bad relations between the business owners. Either way, the business owners were neither offered a reasonable explanation nor any reparations. They were left, dejected, to their own conspiracies, and to count their losses. In Lily’s case, the disastrous fire claimed everything of her business save for a broken fridge which was recovered from the rubble.

It turns out that the restaurant had been the largest customer of the mini-mart. With that no longer in the picture, the mini-mart became significantly less profitable, until it was more feasible to shut it down than to keep running it. And just like that, they were right back where they began. Six years of work and they had nothing to show for it. They had a new baby and a single source of income. Giving up was not an option. So they moved on.

The next venture they explored was a hair salon and barbershop. Luckily, a friend of a friend’s uncle was renting out some space in a new building for affordable rates. They invested in the appropriate equipment and hired professionals. Sadly these professionals quickly realised that Lily and Thomas had no idea how a salon would run, and had no experience in hairdressing. Sooner than later, It became clear that this business would not turn profit owing to the high running costs, majorly caused by employees opportunistically stealing supplies behind their employers’ backs. Lily and Thomas really had no business being in the salon business. Even so, they held onto the hope that things would get better. As most unsuccessful enterprises do, their salon drained them and slowly chipped away at their will to be entrepreneurs. It was as if this particular business was destined for doom, and if there wasn’t enough gloom and doom to go around, there definitely was the night the salon was vandalised and left in shambles. It is believed that the landlord who had so willingly provided the space, wanted to reclaim it sooner than the contractual agreement had stated and was going to do so by any means necessary. With no evidence, little energy and even less to show from those two hard years at the salon, Lily finally gave up.

Thomas, now the sole breadwinner, had followed more lucrative opportunities to Dar-es-Salaam, Tanzania, which offered him more and enabled him to take care of his growing family. It was a good choice. Having experienced the coastal lifestyle previously, found himself in a comfortable position. At least comfortable enough to take care of their two children, and a baby soon on the way. This meant that Thomas had to live away from his family in order to provide. He delved deeper into the realm of imports and exports at a start-up fuel exporting company.

Lily found peace in doing nothing for a little while. She needed to do this for her mental health, and to re-energise herself for the next venture, akin to an eagle shedding its feathers after missing its mark or a phoenix burning up before rising from the ashes. The couple had started building a home with whatever extra money they could spare. Due to the inconsistent flow of income, a lot of comforts had to be sacrificed to prioritise basic provisions. For instance, they had to move into the house prior to its completion to reduce living expenses. Note that this house was incomplete. As such, there were no working washrooms; only a temporary outhouse, which was pretty much a hole in the ground was available. Make of that what you will. Thomas would send whatever he could back to Lily, so she could cater to everything the family needed. Whenever anything remained, it went into finishing up the house.

When Career Meets Passion

Three years, three children later, an old spark was slowly being reignited, a familiar longing to do something meaningful. They were at a stage where they were looking to educate us. Hunting for an appropriate school showed them how limited their options for affordable education were in the area. Coincidentally, the couple was having conversations regarding reviving Lily’s teaching career. As reasonable as the idea was and as much Lily did want to teach again, it no longer felt enough to simply be a teacher, as it didn’t satiate her entrepreneurial desires.

With the pressures of parenthood rising, she needed to find a solution that would simultaneously fulfil her and allow her to provide her children with the best possible education. She would often brainstorm with her toddlers, who were her main company, and spoke about all the things she could do. She churned out idea after idea but at the end of the day all roads seemed to lead her back to one; starting a school of her own.

Private schools are commonly perceived as well-established and glamorous institutions. For this reason, not many can imagine that they start out in the humblest of ways. In this case, it happened that some property in an opportune location was being sold for a fair price. It was a simple two-storey building with two bedrooms, a single bathroom and a pantry. It was hardly big enough to be a daycare but it was enough to set the ball rolling. Renovations followed to make the place as school-like as possible.

Thomas, with the belief that Lily’s calling and grace laid, cut back on his own living expenses so that he could send back even more money to support the school. He was still in Dar-es-Salaam, Tanzania at this point and was slowly making a mark in the import and export industry in his own way. Lily went as far as converting her personal car into a part-time school van, which was enough since she had a student population of two: her own children. Moving her children to a school, where she was the entire staff: principal, teacher, cook, cleaner, driver and everything in between was a big leap of faith. It was as if to show the world that she meant business this time, excuse the pun.

I watched in amazement as the two grew the school. Thomas handled the funding and financial burden. He single-handedly facilitated the growth of the school from his pocket. He was wise enough to know that there can only be one principal. Too many cooks spoil the broth, they say. He allowed her space to explore her ideas, and implement her rules, only stepping in when she needed him to. He supported her from the shadows. On the other hand, Lily handled everything else. In time, two students became three, then five, then ten. Sooner than she could have imagined, she had more children in her school than she could handle alone. She had to employ teachers, and just like the children, one teacher became two, then three and more. The icing on the cake is that, from everything she faced previously, she now had the experience to manage a new business, to cater for a large number of people, to train employees to their new jobs as well as to manage supplies in a large institution. It was as if all the jobs and failed enterprises had been preparing her for her true calling.

I sat down with the two of them before I started writing this story, aiming to give a true depiction of their journey, looking for lessons to draw from it. Lily illustrated it simply, as a seasoned teacher would do. She likened it to a game of connect the dots, where every stage of their inspiring story is a dot, each offering different lessons in self-discovery and running a business. Thomas, now with the burden of being a sole provider lifted from his shoulders, can pursue his passions and progress his career simply for the love of it. Lily has the opportunity to teach, manage and do so much more while having a big positive impact on the surrounding community and inspiring many as she goes along.

I want to end this story the best way I know how, with something that Thomas- or should I say, Dad- echoes every so often, “Excellence isn’t defined by how much you make, or how big your car is. Excellence is in the joy you find when making a difference.”