Lessons from mom

I have always had a decent relationship with my mother. It wasn't your typical close relationship but I knew my mom knew more about me than I thought she did. Sadly she passed away back in 2012 but the lessons she provided to me throughout my formative years changed me to the man I am today.

You'll have to understand a little something about my mother. She grew up not exactly wanted. My grandparents lived in a patriarchal Chinese family and she was the only daughter. All the love and attention that she received in her family was given to her younger brother. To make matters worse, she had lost one of her eyes in a horrible fire accident when she was a little child.

I often felt even worse about it because my grandparents gave her even more trouble because I didn't speak Chinese. As a child I became completely assimilated into North American culture losing my own culture as a result.

There are a number of other situations that my mother was put into that would make you think that she would be much more bitter and angry than she really was. Despite all of these things happening to my mom she didn't really show me all of these realities of hers until close to her last days of life.

I grew up only knowing the kind and gentle mother that she was. She would treat everyone with respect and kindness. In return everyone reciprocated all the good my mother gave to them. Seeing this as a child I learned that good brings out good in others. You treat others well and they'll treat you well in return.

That's not always the case though. Growing up in a neighborhood when you're the only Chinese kid in the 80's you're going to go through some racism. My mother was hit badly with this as she had a glass eye so the onlookers would always stare. She taught me how to ignore those things.

Mom made me realize how good I have it compared to how she had it. She would often tell me to take advantage of the situation that I'm in. That's all I can do. Don't make things worse, make the best of things because you can't change certain things in your life. You can however change people's opinion of you by how you react.

Now that's not to say that my mother taught me to be a pushover. As tiny as she was she would still be fierce when she had to be. I was often proud of how my mom would be able to stick up for herself in various situations. She taught me the power that I had in myself because if this tiny lady can fight for herself I should be able to take care of myself as well.

Still into adulthood she continued to teach me things. How to deal with tough situations was one of the last lessons my mother taught me. She battled cancer 3 times in her life. This small Chinese lady that overcame all odds continued to battle life threatening illnesses just so that she can be with her family for a few more years.

She taught me how much value I should put in family and friends when tough situations arise. They are the pillar of each of our foundations. It's who will be there when you're going through tough times. If they're there then that's all that matters. They may say or do stupid things but if they're there that means they mean the best.

Finally the last big lesson she taught me was that we aren't totally in control of our destinies. Sometimes things are outside of our control and that's just the way things are. It's futile to fight fate but you can make the best of it. Don't be too angered or saddened because it's not your fault and putting that on yourself is an unnecessary burden. Live in the now because you don't know what the future has in store for you.

So I am forever grateful for all of the life lessons my mother gave me. I never realized that she taught me so much. She basically shaped me into the person that I am today. I guess you can say all mothers have this affect on their children. The fact that I now recognize what she had to go through and was able to make me so well adjusted makes me think of how great she really was.