Leaving The Nest

When I realised, I would never be safe in this town. Trapped in a home where I didn’t want to be in. Every room was full of relatives, my auntie with her husband and two children. My parents with me and then my grandparents crammed into a Victorian five-bedroom house.

I somehow got caught up in a terrible situation with a group of older men and wouldn’t leave me alone. No matter what I did to keep hidden. They kept on finding me. They did not care what time it was in the night or if I wanted to go to school that day. I was powerless against them.

I begged my parents to move to somewhere we could call home again. But they were unwilling. Even when I told them what awful things, they did to me. They all saw was a troubled child and got punished for not knowing any better. All I wanted was to be safe and have a normal childhood like most children my age. My feelings were minimised and overlooked. It made it feel invisible and empty like I had no voice.

Some days, I barely wanted to be alive. I wanted to end everything. I didn’t want to deal with the pain I was carrying deep inside of my heart.

Who would love someone that has been tainted by so many men?

I was jealous of my friends, having parents that listened, good friends and having relationships with boys their age. Where they didn’t pressure them to do anything. I kept on thinking about I wasn’t a normal girl, that something was badly wrong with me. I carried those thoughts for many years to come.

When I turned sixteen, I make one of the biggest decisions of my life. Since I could not rely on the adults that were meant to protect me from harm. I started to plan a way out. They all laughed at me saying it was going to be much harder when I left and being in the real world. But I was not going to give up that easily. I had a few setbacks, saying I was too young or I’m safer at home from agencies. But I kept the pressure on.

It took over a year trying to find a safe place to live. Somehow managed to pass all my subjects at school when I was still dealing with these horrible men. It wasn’t the grades I wanted but it was enough to get into college.

In the summer holidays, I received a phone call from a hostel in another town. All my hard work paid off. I was in my grandparent’s kitchen telling everyone I was leaving, no one didn’t seem too bothered, and I started to pack my items.

I was out within a few hours with a short goodbye to my parents. All my belongings were in two black bin bags since I did not own a suitcase. I got on the two buses to my new place since it was late in the evening. To the new place, I called home for the next few months.

After dropping my bags off in my room. The place wasn’t much, but it was a fresh start away from my grandparent's house. I had a bed, a fridge, and a wardrobe to put my items in. I had a bit of money on me, so I bought some food and a few toiletries when I found the local supermarket. It was a brand new start for me.

It was hard at first, especially when I did not have much money in the first month. I adjusted and learned how to be independent. Paying bills, budget, and how to take care of myself. Which no one taught me beforehand.

I was happy that I could not hear my grandparents shouting about something. Or another relative coming over and had them shout at me for being troublesome. I could make my dinner anytime I wanted; I could get things that I would like to eat.

But the best thing was that I no longer had to deal with the calls or random knocking at night requesting my company. For the first time in my life, I felt safe and could sleep well at night.

I moved a few times due to outgrowing the places I was in and felt like I needed to take the next step forward. But within a year. I was in a serious relationship with someone that did care about me, I had a real home to call my own.

If I stayed in my grandparent’s home, I would not be alive today. I would have never held my daughters in my arms or have experienced the moment when you fall in love with someone for the very first time.