Leaving Paradise

“Look at this view, it’s paradise. The rolling green hills, the tree lined paddocks filled with kangaroos in the morning sunlight, making their way from one farm to another. Passing by the horses feeding, the alpacas and sheep grazing and the cows down by the dam drinking with the sunrise reflecting on the water’s edge. Why do we have to go? “

“You know why. Doctor’s orders, as much as you are stubborn and rarely follow orders.”

She grinned at his honest remark as it grew to a frown. “I know, I know but it’s just so hard to fathom that the joy and beauty of this place that has given me so much life is also the reason I have to leave, To save my life. “

As Mardi sat looking through the floor to ceiling windows of the beautiful barn conversion house on the one-hundred-and-twenty-acre farm that she had called home for most of her life, her husband Dylan finished the last of the packing for her and her daughter Imogen.

“Immie is eighteen now, do you think she will still want to take this?”

“Yes, yes, please don’t leave that behind. It was a special gift from our old farrier when she was just a child.” Peter was a lovely old man, not only did he care for the horses, but he always made an effort with the kids. Knowing Immie had special needs, he asked one day if he could make her something special to keep. On his next visit, that was what he presented her with. “You should have seen her eyes light up when he gave that to her.”

Mardi’s own eyes lit up as she recalled the memory of her youngest daughter who still lived with them due to her epilepsy and intellectual disability. Her smile broadened as she remembered Imogen asking Peter to read the word spelt in welded bent horseshoes, nailed to the varnished timber, all kept from her own horse, Roger.

“Let’s trace each of these horseshoe letters and see what letters we can find.” Said Peter. Immie smiled as she realised it spelt her own name. “It’s for your bedroom wall. No matter where you go when you grow up, I hope this always makes you feel like you have your horse and your memories with you.”

Dylan’s eyes welled as he watched his wife of nine years reminisce about her early years as a single parent living on a farm with her four children, watching them ride horses, jump off of the jetty into the dam or race each other in the paddleboat. It’s hard to believe this once ‘energiser bunny’ even rode a motorbike and a jet ski, taking the kids and friends for rides as he now looks upon her frail body reclining in her hospital bed. Forty-eight years old is far too young to be so fragile. He saw that fragility recently and it scared him. He knew what he had to do to keep her safe. Mardi knew too, as hard as it was.

“The Ambulance is almost here my dear, would you like to go outside in your wheelchair one last time before we leave?” Dylan said

“I think that’s a lovely idea. I’ve a few things I want to do before we go if you don’t mind. I can’t go without saying goodbye to old Roger of course. My cousin will be picking him up soon to take him to his farm. But Sammy, I think I need to leave him some treats. Just in case. Well, you know, just in case he decides to come back one day to say hello and I’m not here.”

“I’m sure the new farm owners will keep an eye out for him.” Dylan said about the wombat that Mardi had hand raised years before and released back into the wild. Although she hadn’t seen him in years. She often left him treats that she was sure he was the only one coming to find amidst the paddock filled with wildlife and farm animals.

Mardi nodded with a gentle tearful smile and raised her hospital bed to prepare to transfer in the hoist, her only means of being moved from her bed to her wheelchair. Gone was the use of her legs and her left arm after she and Immie were run off the road by a drunk driver eleven years ago and left unconscious and injured on the side of the road until help came.

The fire brigade was able to get Immie out of the car immediately but Mardi needed help as smoke billowed from under the bonnet of her Jeep. Her legs had been crushed, her head had hit the visor on the windscreen as the air bags failed to deploy and her chest and pelvis sat firm against the steering wheel. Despite the pain, all Mardi could do was cry out, not in pain but in fear for her child who had been in the back seat of the car.

“Immie, Immie? Where’s my daughter?” Mardi had said when she regained consciousness. “Please someone find my daughter.”

“Ma’am, she’s fine, we have her in the ambulance, we will have you out of here in just a few minutes, then you can see her, but we need to get you to the ambulance as soon as possible.” Said the paramedic.

Mardi had waivered in and out of consciousness as she was taken from the vehicle to an ambulance standing by to take them to the hospital where she would spend months in rehabilitation. There was a time where she didn’t think she would even get home to her farm and her children as she was so unwell with debilitating injuries and Neurocardiac syncopal episodes, but a pacemaker and medication turned that around and she was soon reunited with her kids who had been living with her parents for most of that year.

Once a strong and independent woman, Mardi now had to accept those days were gone. Never would she ask for help, but always, always she would offer it to others. She could not fathom the thought of someone being there for her, to help her, cook for her, clean for her and even bathe her every day for the rest of her life. Mardi was permanently and significantly disabled.

It was just over a year after her accident when she met Dylan. It was a lazy Sunday afternoon. Mardi and the kids had a sleep in and decided to continue a restful day in the lounge room watching movies together. As Mardi tilted back in her wheelchair, pillows and blankets were sprawled around the room as the kids spread out to watch the movie. The cowbell by the front door rang loudly and they all looked at each other with surprise.

“Are we expecting anyone today?” Callie asked, Callie was Mardi’s oldest daughter, wise beyond her years.

“Not that I know of other than my carer who is already here.” Replied Mardi. They rarely got visitors on the farm. Only her parents, the postman and the occasional lost tourist. “Maybe someone is lost. Can you have a look, Callie?”

Callie opened the door to a smiling man she saw to be a little older than her mother but no one they had met before.”

“Hi there is your mother or father home?” Dylan said. He stood there alone, a file in his hand and Callie wasn’t sure what to make of this strange visitor.

“Ummm, It’s just us kids and my mother, well plus her carer but... hang on I’ll get mum.” Callie said as she ran back to the lounge after quickly closing the door in Dylan’s face. “Mum, there is a strange man at the door asking for you.”

Mardi wheeled her way to the door as Callie helped her open it. Dylan smiled as he introduced himself and apologised for his intrusion. “Hello, my name is Dr Dylan Cabot I am so sorry to arrive at your door so rudely and unexpectedly on a Sunday, but I have just moved into the new practice down the highway in Winslow Springs. You are Mardi, is that right?”

“Yes, I’m Mardi, I didn’t think I had an appointment with you until midweek, I’m so sorry if I’ve misse…”

“No, no” Dylan said. “You’re quite alright, I’m just getting ahead of myself and being a small practice in a small town, thought I would take the time to meet my patients and their families. I must say, it’s been quite a welcome so far.” Mardi embarrassingly brushed her hands through her morning bed hair in an attempt to make herself look a little more presentable “Of course, come in, allow us to extend that warm welcome, but I must warn you, it’s a very laid-back lazy Sunday here for us.” She said.

As Dylan hoisted Mardi across to her chair, he too reminisced about the time he had grown to love life on the farm when he moved in with Mardi and her children, long after she went from being his patient to becoming his adoring wife. But foremost in his mind right now was the recent events that led to their need to move to the city, close to a big hospital.

It was just another beautiful weekend; Mardi had just showered with the help of her carer Penny as Dylan led Immie around on Roger in the arena that was just to the left of the house. Callie and her brothers no longer lived at home and had started new lives of their own. Milo, their rescue dog followed Immie on Roger, his tail wagging and jumping into the shadows of the giant beautiful old horse.

Moments later, Dylan noticed milo wasn’t behind them. As he looked around the arena and called for him. He heard barking coming from just outside of the sliding door to their master bedroom. The door was opened. “Something is wrong, Penny must have tried to call me” muttered Dylan to himself. As he quickly led Roger to the stable, he carefully helped Immie down and told her to get his phone so he could call an ambulance.

“Why do I need an ambulance, I’m not hurt?” said Immie. Confused she retrieved the phone from the stalls as she rushed quickly beside Dylan still not understanding what was happening. Dylan didn’t want to worry Immie, but he knew he had to act fast. He could see the dark shape of Penny’s figure leaning over his wife’s listless body as he grew closer and he called to Mardi, with no response.

“She’s had another one,” said Penny. “But it’s not stopping, it’s been more than five minutes and her breathing is becoming shallow.

“Help me lift her to the floor, I’ll start CPR, you take over the call to emergency services. Tell them we need air ambulance stat.” Dylan said as he began performing cardiopulmonary resuscitation on his wife as she had a prolonged syncopal episode. Checking periodically, he could no longer feel a pulse. Nor was she breathing. Dylan did everything he could to hold it together and be the Doctor she needed right now to save her life, not the husband to hold her hand. He has done this over a hundred times before during his career as a doctor but never had he needed to save the life of the one he loved the most.

In what seemed like hours, a further ten minutes went by, and Mardi still had no pulse as Dylan breathed the life into her, compensating for each heartbeat, tiring with his own. He was never going to stop, even if it cost him his own last breath. He heard the sirens, and the sound of a helicopter in the distance. They knew this was the danger of living in a rural location, being far from help but they didn’t think that this day would come so soon. Two medics arrived and brought equipment into the room where Mardi’s almost lifeless body lay on the floor beside her bed. As they attempted to take over from Dylan, he shook his head with tears welling in his eyes and asked for the implements he knew she needed to keep her alive. Together, one medic assisted Dylan in intubating his wife so she could be put onto life support as the other medic continued with manual CPR until necessary. Dylan breathed a minor sigh of relief as Mardi was now on portable life support, but her battle was far from over.

The Paramedics and Doctor from the Air Ambulance met Dylan and the medics as they prepared to transfer Mardi to the helicopter to be flown to the nearest intensive care unit over two hours away. They sedated her to stabilise her as Dylan kissed his wife goodbye whispering “I love you” and left her in the hands of professionals just like himself. He knew they would take care of her, but she was more than a patient to him, she was his wife, the only love he ever knew. Dylan watched the helicopter fly into the distance as Penny walked Immie over to hold his hand as he reached for her in a big embrace, they held each other and cried.

After taking Immie to stay with Callie, he was able to spend the time with Mardi in intensive care. As he watched and waited for his wife to wake, he would stand at the end of her bed trying hard not to overthink his knowledge of prior outcomes he had seen in patients he knew had been in Mardi’s shoes before. Trying to put all medical knowledge out of his mind. The pain and thoughts grew too much for Dylan after five long days as he rest his head beside her on her bed and fell into a deep sleep. He dreamed of the beautiful hazel eyes of the woman who once appeared beyond the open door with a big bright smile and hair all over the place. But she was still the most captivating and beautiful woman he had ever seen. He knew from that very moment that this woman would be in his life forever. What he didn’t know was how long forever would be, but he didn’t care, he would savour every moment. Over the years it was Mardi who taught him that no matter what happens in life, you have to cherish and make the most of it. Be happy with who you are, then you will be happy no matter where you are. She would often say positive things like this to him as she ran her fingers through his hair. A smile formed on his face as he dreamt of those fingers running slowly through the side of his hair and across his face, wiping his tears away. As he suddenly realised, he was no longer dreaming, Mardi was awake, opening her eyes she looked down at him, tube still assisting her breathing, she blinked slowly with a slight smile and brushed his cheek. She was there, Mardi was still there.

Tears welled in Mardi’s eyes as she looked to the man who had not only saved her life but been a very big part of the day-to-day joy of what could have otherwise been foreshadowed by trauma and grief over the livelihood she once had and lost. The ICU Doctor came to take Mardi’s tube out and as she did and began to breathe again on her own with only nasal prongs assisting her airways. She looked to Dylan with a smile and said “Hi there stranger, sorry about the bed hair.” Dylan laughed tears of joy as he recalled the day they met.

Together Mardi and Dylan had turned their own challenges into triumphs and their troubles into joy. It hadn’t always been easy, and the road ahead is just as challenging. Mardi’s progress over the following months was positive but she now needed regular weekly hospital treatment. It was the harsh warning they never wanted to be confronted by that contributed to the decision they made together to leave the farm and move to the city to be close to the hospital for her to survive.

Mardi never wanted to leave her farm. It was her very own little piece of paradise. But she soon realised that paradise wasn’t a home, a farm, or a place we lived. Paradise is being with the ones we love, surrounded by happiness and laughter. By making memories and taking them with you no matter where you go, like the name plaque on a wall made of horseshoes that will always remind you what you have no matter where you are. “This is home, this is paradise.”