It's a Boy

When you’re initially told you wont be able to have anymore children, the feelings can be confusing. You might not trust what they are saying at first. Then as each year passes, your hope diminishes and you get used to the idea of your child being your only biological child. I am sure the feelings are extremely upsetting for women who can’t have any children at all.

I finally gave up hope about ten years after my daughter was born. My fiance and I grew to accept that we would never have biological children together and our babies from previous marriages would be our complete family. We decided we would be happy with whatever fate threw our way. And gave up all hope when we had our ectopic back in 2018. We figured, with the loss of my left tube, the possibility was less than before.

In February of 2020, we were happy to learn we were expecting a baby. My fiance was extremely happy and although I felt the same, I was always worried about the possibility of another loss. I heard everything from friends and family, from the positive to the negative. I received advice from when to announce my pregnancy to what doctor to see. We decided on announcing right away, so friends and family could share in our joy and make the experience seem much more realistic and chose a doctor who was close by, incase I needed to be in the doctors office more than normal.

With each passing month, my happiness and hope grew. The news became reality and we soon found out in June that we were expecting a baby boy and our excitement grew as we already had picked out the name for our baby boy.

Right now, I am about two months away from my due date and I am starting to allow myself to fully feel the excitement and emotions of this pregnancy. I know that if anything happens, my chances of having this baby are high. The risks aren’t as high as we originally thought and each month surprises me more and more.

I do however have a hard time with some things. I had finally allowed myself to be happy with just my daughter and my bonus children. Carrying a baby full term is something I dreamt of but stopped allowing myself to want. I’ve slowly started to let these feelings in. This baby is coming and from the looks of it, nothing is stopping him. I am extremely happy, but still so scared of having a baby. I am almost 35 and we are going through a worldwide pandemic. This is definitely not the way I planned for things to go.

I have the normal fears every pregnant mom has. Will I be a good mom to this baby? Will I be able to provide for him with all my medical issues? Will I have difficult labor and delivery? Normally when I start feeling and thinking this way, he gives me a little kick and lets me know he’s still there and he’s going to be ready to meet us soon.

In two months, we will be meeting Broly David James and I can’t wait. I wonder what he will look like. Who will he look like? What type of personality will he have? He is kicking now as I ask myself these questions.

I still can’t believe how lucky I am to go through this again. It’s been about 14 years since I got pregnant with my daughter. This little baby is a miracle and I am so grateful he is coming. I am also thankful for my family and friends who have supported me and helped me get to where I am with these feelings and emotions. Pregnancy is definitely something I never thought I would get to do again. I just hope the delivery goes smoothly.