I Remember

Our Grandmothers were the best. Some of us still have that love that never leaves still with us. Others have said goodbye to it. Whether or not you still have your nana, you still have the feeling of her. Now for me, I lost my nana in December, year 2009, just before Christmas. Oh my was it the worst day of my life. Well one in a few anyways, But that's another story and another time.

I remember my nana as if it was just yesterday i spoke to her. I remember her scent, the smell of her house, the feel of her fragile skins when we hugged. My nana was one of the good ones. The one who held up the whole entire family. She held all the family dinners and she made sure everyone was always taken care of.

When I was a little girl I remember moving to her house, as we lived out of state and we came back home to her. She shared her room with me and My Dad and my Brother slept downstairs. I remember waking up to the smell of homemade biscuits and gravy. I swear it seemed like the best life yet. To be where someone loved you unconditionally. She helped us get back on our feet, mind you I was only 7 years old at the time. And it was a huge relief for me when I found out I was going to be staying with her. Because she kept me safe. Even the ear pulling she done, I miss it to this day. Yes my nana pulled your ears if you were being mean, and she made you do chores.

When we finally got our own place and settled down I use to visit her often. I'd sleep in her bed with her because I can honestly say she is the only person that made me feel safe. My little ole nana not even 120 pounds as I was gaining on her around 10 years old, made me feel the safest I have ever felt in my life. I had secrets that I wish we talked about but I never told anyone. She is the only person I'd ever want to talk to about them and she is gone. I remember when I was in high school and we moved next door to her. It was the best, you could just walk in her house and she asked if you were hungry while heading to the kitchen to make you a full meal with all the fixings.

Being in high school and living right beside her gave me the opportunity to see her whenever I wanted. She use to send me walking to the Post Office or the store. You know back then you could actually get a bag of chips and a soda from the store for a dollar. No I'm not that ancient, yet anyhow. The hill you had to walk back up though was horrible. Every couple of minutes you had to stop and take a break. When I finally got back to her she'd already have another whole meal waiting. It was like this woman was super woman. In my eyes she was.

I do wish I knew my mothers mom and dad better. As I wish I knew my fathers dad better. But I didn't, and i can't change that. I remember turning 17 and getting my own place. Can you guess where, right beside her. The over Joy she and I both had was amazing. I never went without even if i didn't need her help. I can tell you one thing I never ever ran out of blankets or sheets or curtains. I looked like I had them for 20 years with the amount that I had and the style that they were. I remember her knocking on my door asking if I was hungry. I came to realize I didn't need to cook that often. She would always tell me to bring my clothes over to wash. She ended up washing them. It's like she needed to do these thing and I didn't know why.

As I got older, I remembered all these things. After her passing that is. I remembered them so well. The talks on her bed to her showing me all of her jewelry to the end of Thanksgiving making me turkey salad to take home. To every little in between thing. I remember I was running a diner the year she passed. She moved in with my aunt so she could have some help. See in my eyes my nana was this great healthy woman, because she showed it. She had the strength of 10 men to me. I let my life get ahold of me and that is all I saw. I didn't see how old she was getting or how much she needed us as we did her.

I remember telling her that on a Sunday that I was working I was going to pick her up after and we were going to go out and eat somewhere. I knew it would make her feel better. That day came, and it was the worst day of my life. I got a call saying she fell and something was wrong and I needed to get to the hospital right away. Upon arrival, it was revealed that from the time it took me to get to the hospital after closing the diner as soon as I got the call, a whole 5 minutes, she was gone. They kept her alive so everyone could see her. I remember breaking down, having the worst panic attack I have ever had.

I remember the nurse asking me if I wanted her ring. This was a fake ring that was already tarnished, but yes of course I wanted it. So the nice nurse took it from her finger and gave it to me. Where I wore it all the time until I've gained so much weight I could no longer wear it. I remember looking at her and telling her I love her. She didn't look like her. She was bigger than I was from all the swelling. I remember leaving and that was the last time I saw her until the funeral. Where again I broke down. What was I to do now?

It has been 12 sad years that my nana passed away. Within those years I have had 4 beautiful children. Children I wish got to know her, because if so they would truly know the woman that I looked up to. The woman who was my everything. The glue to my family. Now that glue is gone and I've tried for so long to fix it and I can't. So I remember so much. But I can promise one thing. I WILL REMEMBER. Everyday of the rest of my life. My Grandmother I remember.