I need to get out

I don't like ceremonies, I would even go as far to say that I dislike them. I was not the kind of kid who'd get ashamed by the mere presence of my parents in public settings, but nor would I enjoy it that much. When I was younger I enjoyed spending time with my mother, and perhaps with my father too, but I always felt like my mom was more emphatic to my life.

Nowadays I despise just as much one that the other. We're all human beings but there comes a time when you just know it's time for you to move out and get your own place, and that time has come for me. I will soon take a test that should enable me to know what kind of jobs the army has for me. Despite not being a straight A student in my high school year, I feel pretty confident that I will do well.

In middle-school I played a lot of chess tournaments, usually accompanied by my parents, or some family's friends, also paired up with my older brother as he was a chess player as well. I quickly took off from the competition and the game altogether once my brother gave up the game. We were both video-games enthusiasts, but also more generally life adepts.

As I was getting closer to graduating high-school he was getting deeper into his own collegiate whereabouts. Going to La Rochelle and then Bordeaux, he ended up catching up to the faster train and studying in a pretty decent school. As for me, it was time to take a leap of faith and get on the same plane than the person who had beaten up my brother as a kid, my father.

Once we had landed and gotten ourselves an apartment we were on for a long ride. Fast forwarding to today, I can see that I wasted a lot of my energy fighting the current and trying as hard as I could to gain my freedom. We all know what it's like to be a teenager and not being able to choose who we can hang out with, or what we can inhale and exhale. After a while things quickly escalated, though, and I even ended up getting a restraining order against my parents.

I am not hoping that the army will allow me to get into more familiar ground, or find a newer and better meaning to life, but more generally to just live and move forward with my life. As of today I have not yet been able to really thrive into any specific subject, therefore still abiding by my elders' rules. But do you know what it's like to be able to feel the rising tension by just a quick glance at whoever's paying the bills?

My father like to say that he's Jewish, and my mom enjoys repeating that she was some kind of hippy in her twenties. Retrospectively, I could see some accuracy in those statements, as far as my mother being promiscuous and sleeping with whoever she'd see fit, and her counterpart being a good Jewish kid. But now I refuse to stay and abide by their rules anymore, it's time for a change and the "ASVAB" is the first step in this direction.

Perhaps you will hear from me again, writing from a coffeehouse, after failing to get enlisted for some particular reason, evading the the parental grip and living off the stress. Or maybe I will be typing those words from my next to keen apartment who will be located 2 miles away from the closest subway line, which would allow me to have a good walk every time I'd need to get on the subway.