I missed it!

My daughter officially graduated high school today. I'm happy, sad and so very proud of her but I feel like I missed the whole event.

um, what???

You read correctly, I honestly feel like it was a blur. I could sit here and give excuses about the rain and my ass cheek hurting on those hard bleachers but the reality is I honestly feel like I missed everything leading up to this day and I want to sit in a corner and cry.

Staying in the moment holds validity!

For months I have been hearing "stay in the moment and enjoy each day as it arises, stop focusing on the next thing". I believe I finally understand this at this very slap-in-the-face-worthy moment! Yes, we went shopping all week, laughed and joked, did her hair nails, etc. but my mind was everywhere but enjoying the last few moments of the closing of her chapter and the most catastrophic is that my mind has done this years prior. I was there but not fully engaged in those beautiful moments like truly feel it and in tune with it. I was so busy worrying about the how what and when of the future that I fucking missed my kids' graduation mentally for the most part.

Ask yourself, how much of a special day that you truly remember? You may remember fragments of what happened but do you remember the emotions and feelings that came with it? When we encounter hurt in our lives how long do we dwell on these things and let them consume us in that moment and for days after? How much of that hurt do you remember? How much of that pain do you still feel even if it's just a little? This is the point I'm making.

We want so desperately to always have wonderful, happy, and beautiful moments but we are not fully in tune when they happen, we miss it and sometimes check out. I remember my ass hurting and the dampness of the rain instead of truly feeling the love and celebration of my child and the class of 2021 and I want so much to rewind the time to redo it so I can truly bask in the beauty that my daughter has so valiantly completed an amazing chapter in her life.

Sometimes being there physically is not enough. We can't continue to live our lives so focused on all of the negative aspects of a good or bad day. We so much need to focus on the bright moments and infuse them in our core. We have to stop letting so much of what doesn't matter consume our minds as we will miss what truly matters even when it's right in front of us.

Yes, I get it I was there, and maybe it's mostly the reality that she is officially a strong and self-sufficient woman (mommy meltdown moment) but the years that I half-assed tuned in are now gone...gone! There's no redo button!

Does this make me a bad parent? No, I don't believe so, I just think it took me longer to realize that I have to cherish what's most important to me and stop letting the outside world distract me from it. At the end of it all the clothes, parties, makeup didn't matter, what mattered was her and I enjoying the time preparing for her special day.

A lesson that I so very much needed and a lesson that I will hold in my heart and use as a beacon for the rest of my days.

"Life is too short to miss the beauty that already surrounds you so embrace and enjoy it!"

-Midlife Intrigue