I’m Forever Grateful

I was born on October 10th, 1994. Right after my mom got her tubes tied. My mom saids she’s glad she didn’t get them tied any sooner, because I wouldn’t have been here, I’m glad too for that. On December 16th 2013 I was diagnosed with lupus, one of the most hardest things I have ever gone through. My mom taught me not to give up, she taught me how to keep going despite change and hardship, most importantly she taught me how to trust in God. With this illness there’s been many times where I just wanted to give up on life! All this pain I’m in made me wanted to just throw in the towel but my mom helped me to see that life is precious and beautiful...even though people like me with chronic illnesses are suffering each day life still can be fulfilling and exciting. In 1998, my father decided to leave our family and left my mother with four children. My mom had to do it all on her own, so I’m sure there were many times where she wanted to give up but she kept going, working two jobs just to support us. I see that as being brave and strong.

My mom is a strong women, with a strong mind. She taught me how to stay positive in the most toughest situations and I think that is how I got through most of my bad lupus flares. She taught me to look ahead to the things unseen and not focus on the condition my body is in now. She taught me how to love my body and respect it. So everyday I look in the mirror and I admire all the things that make me unique and the things that I use to hate about me I learn to love those parts of me. I used to hate being tall but now I love it, I use to hate my hyperpigmentation and not wear shorts because of it. Now I just don’t care, I only have one life and one body... so I must love everything about me in order to really enjoy my life. I still hate lupus that’ll never change but the way I have viewed myself that has changed. Because I have a positive mindset and I view my illness as temporary; my lupus activity has gone down some and I’m on the path to remission. Thank you mom for teaching me how to survive this imperfect world I am in but not just surviving but living my life and enjoying my life despite life’s hardships. Thank you mom for teaching me how to be brave and not giving up on life, thank for sticking by my side and not giving up on me. I am a much stronger women now because of what she taught me, so I am forever grateful to have a mother like her. Do you know that saying “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger?” Well that’s definitely true and of course how you view whatever you’re going through. I remember laying in the hospital bed meditating on how my body should be and not focusing on what is like now.

I remember this nurse coming in my room saying “you’re pretty happy for a person that’s going through a lot.” That made me chuckle, I never viewed myself as a strong person but looking back on what I gone through and how I reacted, I can definitely say I am a strong women. I wouldn’t have become this strong though if my mom wasn’t in my life. She taught so much! I love her with all my heart! I will always remember the things she taught me and carry her in my heart.

Now with the things she taught me about life I will pass that on to my beautiful baby boy. I will tell him that life is beautiful and worth living. I will tell him not to give up on life because if you give up now... you would never know what kind of beautiful people you’ll meet alone the way, you’ll never know what amazing opportunities will come upon you, you’ll never know what amazing places you’ll see. If he’s ever in a terrible situation I will tell to view it as temporary and focus on the things unseen, I will say just because you’re in a terrible situation now it doesn’t mean that you’ll be in that situation in the future... life has many unexpected events but how you view those events that will get you through. Having a positive mind can impact the body. Take care of your mind not just your body and you my son will get through whatever is troubling you.

I will certainly be there for my baby boy and if I die before I tell him these things well I have already written a letter for him. Life has many unexpected events and we don’t know when that time will come when we pass, so I made sure that he will hear my words either way.