I Chose Not to Teach My Child to See Color

Children aren't born racist

Children aren't born color-blind either. They can see color at a few months of age and soon start to develop the ability to categorize and group things. In a very natural way, they notice the difference in skin color among the people who interact with them.

My point of view

I was born in the southern part of the USA to a white family of moderate means. My father held strong racist opinions while my mother always taught me to treat people equally, regardless of race, education, or social standing. Thankfully, my mother's love for people won the battle for my heart and mind. That victory shaped the perspective I used when raising my children.

Is skin color contagious? Does it wear off on others?

When my son was three-years-old he answered this question by performing a simple scientific experiment. No. He wasn't a little genius. But he was very inquisitive and often amazed me with his problem-solving techniques. Let me tell you the short version of the story.

There was a black lady who worked for my disabled neighbor as a caregiver. She often brought her young daughter, Sarah, to work with her. Sarah and my son spent many hours playing in the yard together.

One day, I happened to look out the window and saw the two children rubbing their arms together. I worried that they might have gotten into some poison ivy that tenaciously grew on the fence line, so I went out to investigate. When I asked my son what was wrong, this is what he said.

"I want to be brown like Sarah."

It took some quick thinking and persuasive reasoning to adjust my son's expectations. Using the flower garden as an example, I showed him the different flowers growing together, sometimes touching and entangling, but how they always stayed true to their color. I asked him if he thought the garden would be as pretty if all the flowers became one color. He mulled that over and eventually said, "I like the purple ones."

I wasn't sure if he truly understood my point - only time would tell.

Fast forward four more years

When my son was seven-years-old, I received confirmation that my efforts to teach him to see people first with his heart than with his eyes were working.

I was taking him to a dental appointment when I had to stop the car at a traffic light. He poked me in the arm and said, "That man looks just like daddy."

I looked at the driver of the car next to us and had to agree. The man's profile, the shape of his head, and the way he gripped the steering wheel was so much like my husband's. My chest tightened and tears formed in my eyes. I was so moved by this moment in time.

You see, the man in the car next to us was black —a man of color. However, my son had seen the person without prejudice or racial discrimination. Because of that, he could see the similarity between this man and the father he loved.

Victory comes in small steps

I knew that the world's attitude and perspective would have a huge influence on my son's thinking over the next years of his young life, but at least, I'd made a start to win his heart and mind. I was determined to continue.

Finding good standards, good associates, and setting good goals were the foundation of my plan.

Conclusion

A child will eventually grow into an adult who has the right of free choice. The only lasting gift I could give my son was to set his feet on a solid path that would enhance his chances to be a stable and happy man. To point him toward the highest form of universal morality.

The rest I would have to leave to him...

_________________

Originally published here