How To Stop Money Fights With Your Spouse When You're Married

You are not alone if you are sick of arguing with your significant other about money.

In a February 2023 consumer survey conducted by Bread Financial, 64% of couples reported having different financial goals for the future. We've been together for 12 years as husband and wife, AJ. We have had many financial disagreements, even though it appears on social media that we are now on the same page.

We also dealt with several times when our incomes were significantly out of sync, which made financial discussions, at best awkward, and at worst highly divisive.

I was the one who took the initiative to pay off all of our debt, grow our investments, and alter our spending habits. I can count on one hand the number of disagreements we have had regarding money in the last five years. Here's how to convince your spouse to help you better manage your finances as a couple.

Plan a meeting specifically for discussing money in the open.

Firstly, it's acceptable to cry. I wasn't trying to do more than I could handle on my own, but it did happen at one point, unintentionally. Our mountain of debt drove me to the emotional breaking point where I could no longer maintain the independent woman persona.

I cried as I requested assistance. Now, I'm not saying you should cry to get what you want or that it should take sobs for your partner to understand how stressed you are about money.

However, a turnaround does necessitate being truthful with both yourself and your partner. Discuss how your current financial situation is making you feel in a serious money-related conversation.

Inform your spouse that you would like to sit down and have a focused, uninterrupted conversation. Consider it a crucial business meeting. Choose a time and location where you both can maintain a stable emotional state.

Each of you should bring an agenda to the discussion that focuses on the aspects of your current financial decision-making that aren't working well. Making immediate fixes is not the goal of the meeting. It's to identify what isn't working well and to create a secure environment for you and your partner to express how it makes you feel.

Organize Around the Common Goal of Financial Freedom.

In order to appeal to both your hearts and minds as a couple, share the FIRE (Financial Independence, Retire Early) narrative with them.

The amount of money that most people require to be financially secure is unknown. Your financial objectives will also be difficult to align without data.

Even if you don't have any immediate plans to retire, using this figure can help you all come together with a fact-based financial goal. The numbers are objective, despite the fact that managing money can be a very emotional process.

Simply multiply your combined annual outlays as a couple by 25 to determine your FIRE number. This figure represents the amount required for you and your partner to be financially independent.

Share each of your visions for the future at your upcoming meeting if neither of you had to worry about money.

This step will assist you in creating a new goal that is more than just a collection of numbers. Concentrate on what you can achieve as a team rather than focusing on what the other person is doing incorrectly.

Talk the talk

Many of the women I encounter believe they must wait until their husbands are "on the same page" before they take steps to manage their finances more effectively.

Furthermore, we must be aware of our own shortcomings. If I'm being completely honest, we would have been much further behind if I had waited until my husband was completely on board.

My husband was, at best, neutral when I started taking debt repayment seriously. As a result, I concentrated on developing a budget, reducing my personal spending, increasing my business revenue, and beginning to invest more money into my own accounts.

Actions were more effective than words because my partner began to pay attention after he observed a change in my own behavior. When I consistently followed my budget instead of telling him how to manage his, he could see the difference in my student loan payments throughout each month.

For the things that are within your control, you don't need your spouse's approval before beginning to take action toward developing better money habits. You can increase your income, control your spending, and educate yourself on how to reduce debt or increase your investments.

The best thing you can do for your relationship and for yourself is to start honing your own money management techniques, correct the errors you make in your own budget, and demonstrate to your partner how wonderful it would be to walk alongside you rather than behind you.