How To Save A Fortune In Divorce Fees

For those readers who are considering getting divorced, in this article I am going to try to save you and your partner an absolute fortune. However, it all depends on you. But believe me, being twice divorced myself, I speak from a great deal of bitter experience.

Ok, distasteful as it might sound, it really would bode you both well if you could resolve your financial differences without getting lawyers overly involved. It is absolutely true that lawyers all piss in the same pot. There is nothing they all love more than two opposing parties trying to take each other to the cleaners with their joint assets. Indeed it is quite common, in my experience, for lawyers to fan the flames of conflict, to exacerbate it, to reel in the dollars.

Of course, these guys will appear to be knocking ten bells of crap out of each other in court, that is their job after all. But it should not surprise you to know that all too often they meet up afterwards in a local bar and toast the battle which is going to make them both very rich. Believe me they will fleece both of you at the drop of a hat. For all you know they may even know each other as best buddies.

Now with my first divorce I made a verbal agreement with my ex which was substantially favourable to her. She was bloody hard work to convince, but in the end she did listen and we did get a deal done. All we had to do after that was then put it into the hands of lawyers to rubber stamp, but frustratingly we never did. Still, at the end of the process there was plenty of meat on the bone for us both to start again.

Of course, further down the line she tried to go back on the deal, but it was too late. Be wary of your spouses best mates. They are all bar room lawyers who think they know it all and will encourage their bessy mate to screw you for more. Once you have made a deal which is fair to both parties then stick to it, and make the other side do likewise.

Moving on to my second divorce from my second ex and again, I tried to reason, sadly all to no avail. I went to her visit lawyer to ask him if he could represent both of us. He actually was a nice guy, one of the better ones I have had to deal with. He thought it was a great idea, but he told me he thought it would be a total waste of time, she was set on taking me for everything. Well she got a quarter of it and I got nothing. That was because she would have rather lost three quarters of it than to share even one cent with me.

She stole and sold my car, and she refused to let me have my very expensive business computer, personal belongings, even clothes for goodness sake. There was also a big deposit that had been paid on a brand new apartment bought off plan. However, she was so determined to get that off me, yes it was mine, that her prevarication caused delays, during which time the builder went bankrupt and the lot was lost. See what happens when you get greedy? 

She also made a play for my entire salary, which was just too ridiculous for words. Of course she didn't get it. But I lost two businesses due to her attempts to get all the money clients had paid up front for my services. Surely it is better to get fifty percent of something rather than one hundred percent of nothing!

The problem is with divorce some very extreme emotions come into play and not every one can put those to one side. Some people want to just get revenge and cause the maximum amount of damage. The problem is that you cannot do that without causing yourself an equal, or greater amount of damage. As the old saying goes, if you are looking for revenge, better dig two graves, one for the other person and one for yourself. Those old sayings came into being and stay with us for a very good reason, it is because they are true.

If you want you could try to employ, a lot cheaper than a lawyer, some sort of intermediary, especially if you cannot stand the sight of each other. But anything is better than two professional divorce lawyers who will leave you both penniless, which was what happened to us in the end. Where is the sense in that?I have to say, she was not the brightest girl in the classroom, not by a long chalk.

I think my second ex thought that I would try to trick her out of everything, and do you know why? Because that was exactly what she intended to do with me. In Spanish there is a saying that all thieves are convinced that everybody suffers from the same condition as them, ie everybody is a thief.

I might add that there is a belief in Spain that a woman will get everything, and whilst it is true the legal system does seem to over favour the woman, there is always a deal to be done if you are both savvy. But if you prefer to go to war by being totally unreasonable, no judge will sympathise with you if you lose it all. 

Get greedy and/or selfish and believe me, you will both pay a very heavy price. It's all up to you, you can choose mutual survival or mutual destruction. The ball is in your court. Wise up and you can both live on intact.

So the takeaway here is, if you want to save an enormous amount of money on legal fees, don't use lawyers. Simples innit? However, you should use them a little. My biggest mistake was in having made a verbal agreement with my first ex I did not have it ratified by lawyers. Curiously enough in my second divorce we did have an agreement ratified by lawyers, but it was all to no avail. My ex broke the agreement and the judges, for reasons unknown, sided with her. Still, you live and learn.