How My Single Mother Shaped Me

As I approach 40, I’ve only recently started to recognize the significance and sacrifice that comes with choosing to become a mother. This realization makes it all the more remarkable to me that my own mom was not only a single mother, but was so dedicated that she opened her arms and her home to even her children’s friends and became a “mom to all.”

So, I want to nominate and celebrate this incredible woman who has always done, and still continues to do, whatever it takes to ensure her family is safe, supported, happy, and healthy: my mom, Conni Kretz.

Although we’ve had many ups and downs, she’s never given up. She’s never let the negative overpower the positive. She has always put family first, even if it meant sacrificing herself. She is more than just a role model. She is walking proof of what it means to be an inspiration, a leader, a mentor, and a “mom to all.” She made sure we never went without and had plenty of Sunday dinners to fill our mouths, our bellies, and our hearts week after week. Thank you for being you, Mom.

Born in California in 1961, my mom was one of a blended family of nine brothers and sisters. Her father was in the military and, as a result, the family relocated to a small town in Kansas, making it the home of a driven, smart, and beautifully sassy young woman who grew up valuing family and nurturing her passion for helping others.

At 21, she gave birth to her first “miracle” child. After multiple failed attempts at pregnancy, my mom had almost given up hope. She was blessed with a baby girl in January 1982. As if one miracle wasn’t enough, a few short years later in November 1984, a second miracle arrived — a handsome baby boy.

My brother and I were two of what would become more than twenty cousins. As you can imagine, the holidays were filled with a lot of love, fun, and chaos. Since my mom's brothers and sisters all lived within a 30 mile radius of one another, Mom made sure we grew up appreciating each other and learning the value of love and family. These moments built the foundation for how I define family, and it’s what I strive to give my own children, despite the miles that separate us from many of our loved ones today.

As kids, I still remember wondering why Mom always had to wake us up before the sun was out and drop us off at a nearby family member's house or with a babysitter. I vividly recall questioning why she wasn’t the one to drop me off or pick me up every day for school. And I grew more curious as to why my mom’s routine was so different than all the other moms.

Other moms seemed to always volunteer at school events, attend school plays, and participate with their kids during math and science fairs. Even though my mom was always there when it mattered most, I wondered why she couldn’t be there for everything all the time like the other moms. Decades later, I finally get it.

It wasn’t that she loved us any less. Or that she didn’t support us with every fiber of her being. It was simply that “support” looks different in a single-parent home. For Mom, support meant working tirelessly to give us a happier life and a promising future. Supporting us was what drove her to wake before dawn or work until midnight. What I also didn’t recognize at the time was that my mom was using her unique gifts to become a successful small business owner.

At a very young age, watching Mom taught me to appreciate what I had, to respect my elders, to always use my manners, and to always approach others with empathy. Empathy doesn’t come easy for everyone, including myself sometimes. Some people even consider it “an act” or a meaningless gesture, but it’s not. I’m so thankful to have had a mom who led by example and showed me that — big or small — an act of empathy and kindness can make a world of difference in the lives of people around us.

Mom has always viewed life and people through a much different lens than most. Although she’s never been afraid to do what she has to do for herself or her family, she is always keenly aware of the needs of those around her — always looking for a way to brighten their day. Even when faced with hardships, she somehow manages to put a smile on her face and show up for the people in her life, especially her kids, when they need it most. Her example has taught me and my brother what it means to have a servant’s heart.

She also taught us to embrace our unique identities and interests, and she pushed us to never question our feelings, because they are ours alone. She never questioned my interests or dreams. In fact, she sacrificed more than I’ll ever know so that, just like her, my dreams could become my reality.

When I’ve fallen, she’s been there to help build me back up. When I’ve questioned myself, my faith, and even my friends and family, she’s always encouraged me with, “Listen to your heart and pray about it. Everything will work out in the end.” Even when we uprooted and moved over 14 hours from everything we’d ever known, Mom showed me what it looked like to face feelings of devastation with faith and perseverance — to keep going when many would have given up.

Mom, your life and your values are what have fueled my drive through the years. You gifted me with life, with exposure to culture, with the ability to assess situations, and adapt with grace to achieve the best possible outcome. You taught me the importance of truth. To always stand strong, but to own my mistakes, not fear my own failures, and be humble enough to apologize when needed. You also taught me to always fight for what is right and protect those I love most, even when it means I won’t be liked. Thank you, “Mom to all.” If I can be even half as inspirational as you have been to so many, I’ll know I’m doing something right.