Home is Mom

There isn't much to say about Greenbrier, Tennessee. It has one stoplight, a Sonic, and some farmland. There are hundreds of towns exactly like it across the state, heck even the whole country. But going home used to trigger me, as it's also the place where my family nearly cracked after a car accident left my brother in a wheelchair for life.

My mom is the main character in all of this. Lavina: 56 years old, 5'9", long silver hair, with the most slender boyish frame from years of teaching kickboxing and martial arts. Cigarette smoker. Clean freak. Motorcycle rider. DIY queen. Most importantly - selfless mother. She was the one who stayed home with Jonathan after the accident while my dad worked and I went off to college, and for over 5 years her sole responsibility was helping him bathe, get dressed, eat and live. To say that her life turned upside down is an understatement.

Lavina has always been a beautiful woman, but one who's unconcerned with things like beauty itself. In her mind, she's "awkward" and "gangly." In everyone else's eyes though, she's the Hot Mom who's hot without even trying, and also the mom who could kick your ass with her karate skills. Growing up, all of my girl friends knew her as the Cool Mom because she would let us smoke cigarettes and drink wine coolers while pretending not to see. There's no way we were that slick, but in her view we were going to do it anyway, and should do it under her roof over anyone else's. She's got a great sense of humor.

I remember one morning after the accident, when my brother was still in the hospital recovering and we didn't know if he'd be okay or not, my mom was upstairs remodeling by herself, as if she somehow knew we'd need the extra space with another person back in the house. I heard her crying as she worked, but was too young and afraid to know what to do. For years I didn't know what to do, as my way of dealing with things was disassociation and avoidance, eventually putting a wedge so thick between me and my parents that I rarely visited home at all once I left for college. Nearly five years passed before that wedge started to dissolve.

Against my parents' wishes, I quit my demanding and numbing newspaper job in 2015 that to go be an artist, a photographer with a strange-t0-them niche of lo-fi science fiction with a nostalgic disco twist. Taking photos was the only thing that helped maintain my sanity through college and the journalism world, and ended up being what fostered a new connection between my mother and I. I had an idea one day - what would my mom look like in front of the camera? Doesn't she deserve to feel beautiful? She had always been gorgeous, but as I said earlier she was the last the recognize it. Putting her kids and family before everyone else, including herself, took a toll on the way she carried and spoke about herself. So for her birthday in September 2018, I took a classic set of photos for her. She couldn't believe it was real.

We shot these photos at home, against a simple wall. I did her makeup (which she never wears), hair (which she never dyes) and styled her clothes (which she could care less about). The transformation here was subtle, an elevated version of herself as seen through my eyes and lens. It was one of the most fun photoshoots I've ever done, and to this day I love these photos so much. My dad even keeps them on his phone, and shows them off to his colleagues because he knows how beautiful and strong his wife really is.

These pictures don't capture the struggle though, the pain that she went through while caring for my brother before he moved to a care facility home nearby with others like him. They don't capture the tears or the hardships, because my mother is so much more than just her struggles. She's beauty, she's nature, and she's radiant. Last year, I wanted to capture that radiance in a way that pushed her out of her comfort zone completely. Something that captured the newfound freedom she had now that caring for my brother wasn't her 24/7 job.

Again, I did her hair, makeup and wardrobe. While she loved the look from our first session in 2018, this 2020 session went a bit differently. She took one look in the mirror and said in her thick southern accent, "Oh Sam, I look like I run a house of ill repute." I never laughed so hard in my life! Secretly, I think she loved wearing a sequin Stevie Nicks style jacket and leather black pants. Who wouldn't?

Once we got going and started shooting, she loosened up and had so much fun, the first time I've seen her have fun like that in a while. The wind was in our favor, blowing over and through us in an empty field in the middle of Greenbrier, Tennessee. I'll let these beautiful images of my mother speak for themselves, and hope you can see her radiance, endurance and pure selfless light through them.

For our next shoot, I've already got a ton of crazy ideas that involve her looking like a Gucci model. I didn't expect my mom to be my muse, but this piece of home is more important to me than any piece of land or Sonic drive-in around. Home, as they say, is where the heart is.