Growing Up Thinking My Mom Would Always Stay the Same

As days go by, you never truly know what the future holds, especially when it comes to your parents.

Growing up, my parents were always healthy, active, and independent. They were like two peas in a pod, doing everything together. From grocery shopping, going to yard sales, finding matching outfits, hosting family gatherings, and showing up to family events dressed alike, they were always side by side. Even though they would argue sometimes, they always found their way back to each other and returned to their usual routines.

I remember sleeping in sometimes and waking up to oldies or Samoan music playing throughout the house. When the music was on, you already knew, it was cleaning day. Those were the moments that felt normal, the moments you never think twice about when you’re younger. Looking back now, those simple memories became some of the most meaningful parts of my life. At the time, it was just music, laughter, and chores. Now, those moments feel like pieces of home I hold onto even tighter.

Back in 2018, on Mother’s Day, it started off like any other beautiful family gathering. My mom and dad were up early preparing food for everyone. The night before, I had peeled and cut potatoes for the potato salad while my mom finished marinating the ribs and baking her peach pies. That morning, I helped her in the kitchen, washing dishes and doing whatever she needed while she kept moving around making sure everything was perfect, like she always did.

That was my mom, always making sure everyone else was taken care of before herself. She was the kind of woman who made holidays feel warm, who made family feel complete, and who carried so much love through food, laughter, and presence.

But something felt different.

I noticed she wasn’t feeling well. She kept complaining about pain in her side. I told her she should rest and that I could handle everything, but like most moms, she insisted she was okay and said she would rest after everything was done.

Once the food was ready, I went outside to help set everything up before family started arriving. After everyone settled in, my mom finally decided to lay down and rest.

Not too long after, everything changed.

She came out crying, saying she didn’t feel right and needed to go to the hospital immediately. I took her while my dad stayed behind to finish grilling for the family.

At the hospital, doctors ran tests and then placed us in a room.

That’s when we found out my mom had suffered a mini stroke.

Not only that, but we also learned she had heart issues, atrial fibrillation.

I was shocked.

For someone who had always worked so hard to take care of herself, eat healthier, lose weight over the years, and stay active, it just didn’t seem real. You never think something like that could happen to your own mom.

In that moment, fear, confusion, and heartbreak all hit at once. It felt unfair. It felt impossible. But even in one of the scariest moments of my life, I also realized how strong my mom truly was.

After that day, everything started to change. She began medications, regular doctor appointments, and frequent visits with her cardiologist.

Then in 2020, another heartbreaking chapter began.

My mom started experiencing memory loss and was later diagnosed with dementia.

Before all this, I had worked in assisted living, including memory care. I remember feeling so much sympathy for residents and their families. I never imagined that one day, my own mom would be facing that same illness.

You always think there’s more time.

You think because your parents are strong, active, and careful, they’ll somehow stay the same forever.

But life doesn’t always work that way.

Watching someone you love change, especially someone who once seemed unstoppable, is one of the hardest things a person can go through. Family gatherings feel different. Holidays feel different. Even hearing certain songs can feel different.

There are painful moments, moments of grief, confusion, and sadness, where you quietly miss the person they used to be while still loving the person they are today.

But within that pain, I also found something powerful, gratitude.

Gratitude that my mom is still here.

Gratitude for the moments she still smiles.

Gratitude for the times music still reaches her soul and I get to catch glimpses of the woman who used to dance, laugh, and light up every room.

Those moments may look different now, but they still matter just as much.

Through this journey, I’ve learned that love doesn’t disappear when life changes, it adapts. It becomes stronger, deeper, and sometimes even more meaningful.

Even though my mom is not the same as she used to be, I still find ways to spend time with her. I hold onto the little things, her recipes, her music, her traditions, and the memories of the woman she was before this illness.

I also embrace who she is now, because she is still my mom.

I do my best to keep her spirit alive, not just by remembering who she was, but by honoring her in how I love, care, and continue the traditions she gave our family.

My faith in God, my family, and the support around me have helped me through one of the hardest journeys of my life. They’ve reminded me that even in heartbreak, there can still be purpose, strength, and moments of beauty.

Growing up, we often believe our parents will always stay the same.

But as life changes, I’ve learned something deeper, while time may change people, love remains.

And sometimes, the most beautiful thing we can do is cherish who they were, love who they are, and thank God for every moment we still have.