Funerals Are Necessary And Most Are So Sad!

I attended a funeral yesterday and a celebration of life. The funeral was at a Catholic Church with a mass and communion. Family members were involved in the service.

A eulogy was given by my daughter-in-law. Her father died just before Thanksgiving. They had the funeral 2 weeks later. She did such a great job of talking about her father and his passions.

When talking with my son, he said, “I helped.” Then he proceeded with, “You know how I can be blunt and tell what I think is the truth or what is wrong with something?” Yes, I certainly did.

He said, “She wanted me to listen and give her feedback. So I did that.” I thanked him for that as she gave the best eulogy I had heard in some time.

She talked about her dad’s passions. She started with fishing, hunting, woodworking, guns, target practice, work, the Minnesota Twins, his one granddaughter, family and friends, and then herself and her relationship with her father.

I was aware of how my son and their daughter, one aunt, and a handful of cousins were her family on her father’s side. He had made lots more family over his 68 years. Good friends and neighbors. It was evident by the church turnout and the celebration of life turnout.

She spoke of their father-daughter trips to different countries. And many of the fun things in their life.

After mass, the funeral went to the cemetery. He was buried with his parents at the Catholic cemetery in the town my son, daughter-in-law, and granddaughter live in. The town where the funeral was held.

We proceeded to the restaurant in a local hotel. It is a very nice place. The food was served buffet style. Friends and family from out of town stayed there the previous night also. There was a video projector with photos of her father and others photographed with her father over the years.

There was a buffet with hors d’oeuvres and an open bar. Sometime later a dinner meal was set on the buffet table.

Guests visited while standing at the open bar, seated at a table, or moving from table to table. The food was good. And there were many stories and getting to know others.

The celebration of life is a fit for the person that has died and his family. His had an open bar, food, and hotel rooms that would mean no driving for many of the guests that didn’t live close by and even a few that did live close.

I spent some time thinking about what mine would be like, especially after hearing he was 6 months younger than me. I would not want an open bar. Hors d’oeuvres and a meal, yes. Hotel rooms for out-of-town guests that can’t afford rooms, yes.

An open mic with some entertainment. I like comedy but that may be inappropriate at a funeral/celebration of life.

I enjoyed the slideshow and would like that as I’m sure others liked that too.

When I filled out a will, it asked for funeral instructions at the end. I thought Old Kaw Liga would be fun music. Probably not for the funeral but maybe for the celebration of life.

I remember hearing about my sister dancing to that with her friend, a musician, while he was playing an instrument and singing.

Another song on that list was Que Sera Sera, or what will be, will be. My mother used to sing that all of the time when I was growing up.

This will give you a little bit of what I have in mind for a celebration of life.

It doesn’t matter though what you do to make a funeral upbeat, even adding the celebration of life part. Funerals are sad. It was sad that my daughter-in-law lost her dad. It was sad that he was only 68.

It was sad that his ex-wife, her mother said that she was late for the wedding, she might as well be late for the funeral too, as she was. She had good reasons both times.

When I was young, some people in my family would attend funerals half in the bag, and sometimes more than halfway. I wonder if the celebration of life isn’t just another way of doing that for some.

People used to be in the ground within a few days. Somehow covid has made it more acceptable to postpone funerals for weeks and longer.

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First published by Bad Form in Medium