from young and madly in love to loving your young, madly.

From young and madly in love to loving your young, madly. there is a time in your life (the twenties) that everything revolves around love. finding love. making love last. accepting love into your heart. you get the idea. it is also around that time that getting into the “right”club or arriving late to the “in”party would  harmonize with my pursuit of finding eternal and lasting love. all the sex, and mystery and sex and whimsy and sex and sex. looking at it now it seems a rather odd way of going about trying to make such serious search and ultimate decision. but i am a los angeles native and it felt acceptable almost normal at the time. who was going to question it? i’m a very interesting person and i’ll do what i want. (someone is laughing if he’s reading this) i’m lucky, i found that one true love not once or twice but three times. can i hear a forth? Nope not a forth.  while in my early 40′s and on the second love it was never a thought to become a dad. My partner and I never discussed it, i don’t think we did. I’ve blocked so much out. i was getting older, there was a sale at prada etc...point is that fatherhood was NEVER a consideration of mine. not that i doubted my ability. I never thought about it. And it just didn’t seem practical. i laugh now. enter what sorta seemed to be the true love of my life. The man who excites me and challenges me. The man I ultimately left yet oddly find it difficult detaching from. He is 12 years my junior, a thrill seeker. His idea was to have a kid with me nonetheless, WTF? What? are you kidding me? was my first reaction. i somewhat quickly reeled those reactions in and decided to listen to my husbands desire and want for a child or children. queerly enough once i wrapped my head around the idea, i was ok with it. rather excited of a new prospect that didn’t have a revolving credit line. as my current therapist observes in amazement, when i accept an idea or consequence that’s it. the plan is put in motion sans regret. we all know where this one is headed. boy meets boy, falls deep and hard in love. adopts a baby, buys a home and has a destination wedding. a nightime soap right? unfortunately not my story.  instead we mis-communicate, argue, take everything personal, experience no less then 5 marriage counselors, argue then separate from each other. enter coparenting! not for the weak at heart. it’s hard! i’m not going to sugarcoat it. the schedules, the communication still with a person you’re not talking to. the nanny(s) schedules, pick ups and drop offs. not to mention providing another safe and fabulous home for you and your part time son. the rest of this is still being written. but somewhere at a point in my marriage and being a father my priorities shifted. from young and madly in love to loving your young, madly. this shift is as meaningful as love itself. i hope everyone can get to a place with this kind of love. i couldn’t imagine my life without TKVW in it. RTVW 2.6.16