Feeling Lost: The Loss of my Dad

My dad died when I was 15. I was in 9th grade at the time. My dad was a hard working man. He was a diabetic but overall took good care of himself. He developed a brain tumor early that June and was sent to physical rehab before coming home. His blood sugar dropped after returning home that August and was rushed to the hospital. For two weeks he was in the ICU, then was moved to hospice before he passed away.

I was a wreck. I remember when my mom told me he passed away. I was working on geometry homework around 5:30 p.m., she told me he died and went to be with Jesus in Heaven. We were a Christian family; that moment I lost my faith in God. I then emailed my teachers and told them what happened, explained to them that my work would be late but I would still be at school the next day.

All my friends knew. When they saw me at school they gave me their condolences and so did my teachers. They gave me hugs and let me keep to myself for the most part but gave me the option to talk to them if I needed to. Some of my teachers understood but none of my friends did. So from then on I felt like I was different, not so much of an outcast but I felt like I didn't fit in anymore. I felt so lost. I felt like the world just continued on without me. My friends didn't know how to handle me with what was going on.

The funeral was the next week. I had a few friends attend the funeral that sat with me. I cried the whole time. I couldn't even bring myself to visit him during the viewing. But it would always stay in my mind. I met my extended family who came to the funeral. I got to know them a little bit before they left to go back to their homes.

I still felt so lost. I didn't know what was going to happen in my life. I began to realize what my realty was. I didn't have my dad anymore. He wasn't there when I graduated high school or college. He wasn't there at my first horse show. He didn't get to teach me how to drive. He didn't get to teach me how to work on my own car. And when it's time for me to get married I won't have him to walk me down the aisle.

The world moves on with or without you. When my dad died, it went on without me. I was left behind. I couldn't keep up with my friends. I was left out in a lot of things due to my irrational behavior. But the root of it all was grief. No one could see that or reach out to me to see if I needed help. All they did was get mad at me and blame me. You're not supposed to lose a parent when you're only 15. You don't really know how to handle that. The grief, the guilt, sadness, and pain. No one can empathize with you or see from your situation. It's different from losing a pet. And saying that your parent "almost died" doesn't help either. You have to relearn how to fit back in and get back into the run of things. It wasn't easy and you have to do it with or without help.

If someone close to you lost a parent, or anyone really; be there for them even if you don't know what to do or say. Check up on them. Offer them help with chores. Even just your presence can help. It takes a great toll on someone have to deal with it alone. Help them get back into the social community and keep them from feeling lost or left out. I promise it will make a great impact on them whether you think it will or not.