Extremely Selfish Father

I was raised by an evil and narcissistic father. Instead of treating me like a human being, he treated me like an insect. He is egoistic and has absolutely zero empathy. He felt that he was superior to most people because of his English knowledge, profession (professor), etc. I think he turned out to be so selfish because of his own childhood trauma. He firmly believed that good education (and a good job) would get him out of the misery. He was obsessively studying all the time. He didn't stop it even when I was born.

He is a workaholic. He was basically my car driver. He talked to me only twice a day (while driving his car). He dropped me off at school in the morning and picked me up from school in the evening. While on my way back home, I used to ask him to stop the car at every candy store. He ignored me each time and drove away. He was never nice with me. He could have patiently explained to me that he couldn't buy the candy for me. Instead, he chose to play deaf. So, he never parented me at home or in his car. Basically, he never had the time nor the patience to parent me.

He is arrogant. For example: When I was 8 years old, a solicitor (who made a living by selling shaving kits) visited us. He tried to promote his business. Before he finished speaking, my dad summoned our security guard. When he came upstairs, dad screamed, “Didn’t I ask you to not let these people ring my door?”. He was very rude. The salesman apologized to dad and left. I saw his facial expressions. He was so sad.

Dad never even wanted me. He asked mom to abort me when she was pregnant. When I was 4 years old, I disturbed him while he was studying. He kicked me in my belly. I flew and fell (narrowly missing a concussion). I could turn to neither of my parents for emotional support. My emotional needs were never met. After arguing with mom, he used to not talk to me too. A normal father can never do that to his child.

Obviously, my parents couldn’t get along with each other. Mom couldn't even stand his presence. She was very spiteful. She didn't even spare him for snoring. She used to instigate and he used to react. They were married for 16 years. I don't know why he tried so hard to stay married with mom. My mom also used to take out her frustrations on me. For example: When I was 5 years old, she told me, “Had I not had you, I would have left your dad long ago”. She too didn’t know that it is wrong to talk to her child like that.

Surprisingly, he was always the first one to break the silence after an argument. My mom was also torturing me for my academic performance. He didn't care to interfere at all. When I was 12 years old, she began seeing Paul, my dad's colleague. She didn’t know at that time that Paul was a con man. He is the most manipulative person I have ever come across in my life. He knew how to get any woman to fall head on heels for him. Mom was one of his victims. After sensing that mom was interested in him, he gave her too much praise and attention. He used to leave roses on her scooter while she was at work. He told her that she was his goddess. She fell for him. He told mom that he divorced his wife. She blindly believed him.

She soon divorced my dad (when I was 12). She married him within 4 months after divorcing my dad. I was initially cold with him. Divorce and remarriage were new in my city at that time. I was already having a very hard time processing my parents' divorce. I wasn't ready for a stepfather yet. He should have understood that. But he instead told mom (about me) "She is exactly like her dad. She will eventually turn into a people hater". She believed him. She loved him and hated me.

I was angry with him. I was once rude to him. She was very angry (hyper angry) with me. She didn't sleep the entire night. She kept waking me up occasionally to yell at me. In the morning, as soon as she saw me, she slapped me. She was all shaky and bouncy. Her face was red. That entire night, she was obsessively thinking about hurting me. As soon as I opened my eyes, all her pent-up anger multiplied in magnitude. She couldn't stop herself anymore. After slapping me, she yelled at me for 15 minutes straight. She screamed, “You are a poisonous insect. You don't have the right to hurt a pristine man like him". Imagine having to put up with this every day.

He knew how to get the other person to do what he wanted them to do. He never failed. For example: He never paid the toll while driving through the toll gate. Every single time he drove by, he told the gatekeeper that he was a Roads & Buildings Engineer. The gatekeeper used to trust him and let him go without charging him. If his goal was to make mom pity him, he would instantly cook up a sad story (like his mother's death, etc.). If his goal was to make mom hate me, he would instantly tell a convincing story. He knew how to use another person's insecurities to his advantage. He knew that mom hated dad and was insecure about me turning out like him. So, he told her that I was like my dad. It was all a game for him.

My grades were dropping in my 11th grade. It was the end of the world for mom. Because she is very greedy, she decided to watch my every move like a hawk. She not only jailed me with books but also suspected if I was paying attention while studying. A normal mother will think, "I am not letting my daughter take a break. I shouldn't be so cruel". But my mom never appreciated me for all my sacrifices. Instead, she decided to belittle me every single time she saw my face. I preferred to stay in my room. I used to quickly run to my room after going back home from school. When she complained about me to my stepfather, he added more fuel to the fire.

One fine day, he eloped with his first wife. He never even divorced her. Mom then got to know that he had been cheating on her the entire 4 years. He lived with his first wife (and later two infant children) in another city during the weekdays. He only visited mom during the weekends. He convinced mom that he would relocate soon. Remember, he is a con man. He managed to convince her for 4 years. Mom was absolutely devastated. She was madly in love with him. Her heart was broken into a million pieces. Unable to see her in tears (while working), the people at her work volunteered to do her work for her. She cried nonstop for one month. Not even once did I feel an ounce of pity for her. I was instead very happy to see her cry. May be, I would have pitied her if she apologized to me.

She did several horrible things to me because of him. She didn't even stop him when he called me "ugly". A normal mother will be very upset when somebody calls her child "ugly". Mom is a monster. She once tricked me into going to a railway station. At the station, she suddenly told me that my stepfather would give us a ride (in his car). I felt heartbroken. I was lied to. She then dragged me into his car as soon as he arrived. I felt like I was being kidnapped. She never apologized to me for the things she did to me. She never apologized to me for calling me a poisonous insect.

Do you know what's funny? She was instead expecting me to pity her. Can you ever expect pity from the person whom you torture? She is brainless. I don’t know what he even accomplished in those 4 years. Was he trying to get a mother to hate her own daughter? He succeeded in that. She was madly in love with him.

My dad disappeared from my life during those 4 years. He didn't even care to call or text me. Mom continued me traumatize me after my stepfather left. Unable to stand her any more, I chose to contact my dad. When I told him that mom was torturing me, he didn’t believe me. My dad, who was tortured by the very same person, was not able to empathize with me. A narcissist’s lack of empathy isn’t a surprise. Do you know what is very surprising? A narcissist’s obsessive love.

Unknown to the world, dad was idealizing mom during those 4 years. His hate turned into love. He realized that working all the time was wrong. He felt entitled to mom. He forgot all the pain she inflicted upon him. He forgot that she tortured him for trivial things that were unrelated to his work. When a narcissist feels entitled, they are very determined to accomplish it.

I then decided to go live in the dorm. He didn't let me do it either. He was forcing me to stay with mom. Every single time I wanted to run away, he used to visit us and shame me. He was using me to strengthen his relationship with mom. Plus, he was getting multiple opportunities to meet mom through me. He loved it. He loved seeing her and talking to her. By shaming me, he was trying to be in mom's good looks. If he was supportive of me, he would loose her. He didn't want that. He backstabbed me by siding with mom. Mom too was in her best behavior as she didn't want to loose me. If I ran away, she couldn't control me anymore. She dreaded it. This change in her behavior further caused him to love her madly.

A father is supposed to empathize with his daughter and protect her. His selfishness caused him to be a monster dad. Because of him, I couldn't set boundaries with others. I was vulnerable at school and got bullied. Though I got bullied, I could still survive school. All you need to graduate school is a decent academic performance. I got good grades (though they were never good enough for mom). The real trouble began when I left my country to attend grad school. In the new country, a random stranger talked to me on my way to college. I saw him the next day while walking to a grocery store. He was sitting outside his apartment and smoking. He asked if I wanted to have coffee with him in his apartment. I was naïve. I went upstairs with him. I then got suspicious while he was pouring the coffee. In the very few movies that I was allowed to watch (in holidays), I saw some bad things. I changed my mind and told him that I would go home. While I was walking towards the door, he ran behind me. When I turned backwards, he was about to kiss me. Luckily, I unlocked the door quickly and fled.

I couldn't make friends as I was rude like my dad. Because I couldn't set boundaries with others, I couldn't tell a 'no'. I got cheated on for money. Because dad was pushy, I was very pushy too. Remember, my emotional needs weren't met. So, I didn't know how to communicate my needs or respect others' needs. I pushed people to give in by guilt tripping them. I changed and sacrificed quickly regardless of magnitude whenever I needed help. Later, I realized that it was unnecessary.

Because he was feeling entitled to mom, I was feeling entitled to my ex boyfriend too. Till I met him, jail and torture was the only life I knew. I was very happy when I was dating him. I was madly in love with him too. But because I was rude, he couldn't put up with me and left me. He began dating another girl. I was heartbroken. I tried so hard to get him back. I used to call him every time I was drunk. I was guilt tripping him with my tears. He used to hang up right away. Once, I saw his new girlfriend across the street. I kept staring at her till she felt uncomfortable. I was basically harassing her. I was that desperate for him. One fine day, I wrote bad things about him and mailed her. I didn't even know at that time that I was evil.

It took me 9 years (after I got away from dad) to heal from my childhood trauma. I had to attend intense trauma therapy for several years to heal from my trauma. It was so hard. I do not wish my life upon anybody. Nobody should have a father like him.