Excellent children are all "cheated". Don't tell the "big truth" that makes children stupid and stupid.

In the process of raising children, we will inevitably use fraud:

O "Gee, the supermarket is closed. I can't buy sugar."

O "if you eat this tooth, you will lose all your teeth."

O "No one likes impolite children."

People certainly say a lot about these words of deceiving children in their lives, and some of them even come as soon as they open their mouths, using "deception" as a means of education.

Although not advocated, but sometimes, in educating children, "deception" can also become an effective method.

I often "cheat" my children in my life:

O "you play so well this time, much more fluently than last time, that my mother is almost intoxicated."

O "Wow, you actually threw a ball in. It was so amazing that my mother didn't score one even after practicing for a long time."

However, the deception I am talking about is more like a "magnifying glass", to see and magnify the child's strengths and potential, and expect the child to become better in the future.

"cheating" sometimes has a lot of power.

Let me tell you a true story around me.

My cousin graduated from the Central Academy of Fine Arts, then went to the UK for graduate school, and then went to the United States to continue her studies.

She began to study art when she was very young, and it is no exaggeration that her professional path was praised by her father, that is, my uncle, rainbow fart.

When I was a child, my cousin just showed her interest in painting. she spent a picture, a stop sign, a sofa and a person sitting askew on the sofa, her legs paralyzed straight.

My uncle burst into tears:

"A few elements showed that I was working on a billboard, tired to death every day, and went home paralyzed on the sofa.

Although the painting style is very young, the child must be talented. She painted so vividly with only a few strokes, and she realized the picture herself. "

It was as if he had found a shining art star, blowing rainbow farts.

Say, kid, you have such a gift for painting!

My uncle has told the following story to everyone for decades.

Moreover, he was never stingy in praising his children in front of others, and everyone in our family memorized the story of his decadent father on the sofa next to the billboard.

My cousin is naturally encouraged to paint more actively.

Later, there were ups and downs along the way, especially in the days before the college entrance examination, and there was even self-doubt, but every time my uncle said, "how is it possible? dad thinks you have super talent for painting, and most people can't understand your painting." but Dad can see that you have your own style. "

Her uncle's superb acting skills reassured her again and again.

During the college entrance examination, all eight Academy of Fine Arts signed up, seven of them lost the election and did not give up, and was finally admitted by Yangmei.

Aunt CC Huanhuan went further and better in her father's "cajoling" all the way to painting.

If my uncle had told the truth from the beginning, "you really don't look like anything," my cousin would not have developed such a strong love for painting.

In psychology, this kind of education model is called "expectation effect".

What is "expectation effect"?

In 1968, American psychologists Rosenthal and Jacobson were world-class liars.

Once they went to school and randomly selected more than a dozen children and told the headmaster and teacher that these children were gifted and were rare geniuses.

He also stressed the need to keep a secret from the children and not to pay too much attention to avoid being discovered.

After eight months, when they came to school again, they found that all the children had made obvious progress, and they were cheerful, confident, curious and like to deal with people.

This is because the teachers received their hints and had higher expectations for these children. They conveyed the expectations to the children through words, attitudes, expressions and other ways, and the children also gave positive feedback after they were expected.

Slowly, expectations become a reality, and children are really turning into geniuses.

This experiment was later known as the "Rosenthal effect", also known as the "expectation effect".

This experiment proves that when others expect something from the individual, the individual will work harder to live up to the expectations of others, so as to achieve the expected effect of others.

Especially in childhood.

In other words, what parents expect their children to look like, and continue to treat their children as people who look forward to them, the children will look forward to that expectation better and better.

Why is "cheating" so powerful?

In fact, our "deception" (expectation) is not groundless, but can see the advantages and efforts of the child.

As the old saying goes, "seek the top and get the middle, seek the middle and get the bottom, and ask for the bottom and get nothing."

There are no children who are born with bright performance, they may only be a little different at first, but later, through the discovery, guidance, encouragement and training of their parents (or others), this little difference has become their biggest bright spot.

What we need to do is to add fuel and raise wages to the initial spark and help it start a prairie fire, not ignore it or even snuff it out just because it does not meet our expectations.

In psychology, the formation of human behavior is divided into three stages-fixed, pretended and changed.

Among them, "yes" is the most important step, that is, what kind of person parents define their children to be.

For example, a child with a particularly stubborn temper is, in the eyes of some parents, a "strong-willed child", while in the eyes of others, he is a "stinging child who is disobedient."

Treat the child as the person you expect the child to be.

Because parents' evaluation is the first and most important window for children to know themselves, children will naturally obtain reference information from their parents as "experienced people" in the process of determining their personal development.

Therefore, parents' expectations have become an important source of influence in children's early planning.

Stubbornness is a trait that parents think is good, the child will believe that he is excellent, he will work hard to become a determined child, and he will be more confident, sunny, and more willing to be better.

If parents think that the child is naughty, the child will probably give up and become not so good, and even hate himself.

Inventor Edison, as we all know, Edison was so fond of dismantling things when he was a child that even the teacher could not help accusing "Let the child change."