Dreaming of Being Anywhere Else

My life has changed very abruptly. While it wasn’t an unknown change, and one to be expected, it was still rather sudden. What makes it even more confusing is that so many emotions have come to the surface. At first it is the whole ‘soldier on’ mentality when things had to carry on but the focus had changed slightly. Then it was the ‘we need to share the responsibility’ when things were not really improving but regular, mundane daily activities took a back seat to what was happening. Then the ‘we will get through this’ thinking about a time when a return to normal would gradually begin again. So the body kept moving through all these stages of thinking but the body became tired.

So body and mind became entrenched in exhaustion. Together they needed to find a space to rest. It couldn’t be during the night, which was now appearing to be so much longer than before the sadness took over. It had to be during the day… and so again it meant cooperation between everyone in the household to share the responsibilities.

Alas, the timing was worse than feared. Covid now struck with its own set of difficulties. However, not everything was lost. Having Covid meant a time to rest. A forced rest enables a real rest to occur. For this I was thankful. Thankful that my body was able to catch up on some of the rest it missed out on. Thankful too that I could still do the things I needed to do.

So now I am back in my normal routine. Work, eat, sleep and work again. It goes on and on and round and round. Nevertheless I am working. I am feeling a little brighter these days but thinking about going somewhere for a little break. Up to now I couldn’t think of where I would go exactly so that is why I am am dreaming.

I now dream of being somewhere, of being elsewhere, of being anywhere really. But to make that a realit I would have to pick somewhere specific. That is the hard part - too many places.

In the meantime I will look for a great place to go and do some research which I could probably share if you like. I can do that for my next chat with you. As I research I will find out if it is suitable or not. I am a little excited because now I have a plan. If you have a plan you have a starting point and who knows where it is likely to head.

But I will not make any lists - I am not a list person. I like to do what comes out of my head and can organise the order of these things later. I used to dislike people who did make lists but now I just ‘go with the flow’ when around these types of people. They can do it their way and I will do it mine. At the end of the day does it really matter?

What does matter? All the little things in life we take for granted. The touch of a hand of someone we love, the sound of their voice, the feel of their breath, etc. Once these are gone they are irreplaceable. While never forgotten they are just sorely missed. So I want to be anywhere but here.

Somewhere to help my thoughts float past the sadness but head towards a focus on happier times. Being in a routine does help, but sometimes it just feels like I am going through the motions without any real feelings. I know it won’t be like this forever, and better times are ahead but at the moment I feel a sense of loss.