Don't lose yourself

Hey, im Stephanie and I’m presuming you are here for one of three reasons; you are interested in the subject, which is possibly the least likely; you are starting or in a recent relationship or are unfamiliar to the area of dating and are cautious, or you are here because you suspect that a part of you has become diminished because of a relationship and you aren’t sure if it’s a safe thing. Personally, I hope your reason for reading this is option one or two, but if not, then I completely understand and wish to support you in any manner I can.

Although I am young, I have witnessed and encountered some troubling situations in terms of relationships; I have realized that these situations have helped me become who I am and have enabled me to have certain perspectives and opinions that others may not have. Human beings are a social creature that rely on connections and love, so it’s not wrong to want to meet new people and find the one, but you need to be cautious and know who you are and what you want before you go looking. We are alike to bubbles, what I mean is that we have our own little world which contains what feel, and believe and it is our own but things from outside that bubble can lead us to merge into or connect to another bubble or even pop.

People struggle to be alone and are always on the look for their genuine love or soulmate, and sometimes this leads to a relationship where one person takes away from the other and it can cause an unbalance. Back to a bubble. Everyone has a beautiful little world around them that is made bigger and stronger as we go through various experiences. Each bubble reflects things back to us and we see through all of that into the world, almost like how our eyes work and the light reflects so we can see colour. Bubbles are created and as they drift away, you can see some join or even pop. The bubbles joining and can be next to each other without taking away from the other; they can share a space and coincide. This is like a healthy human contact or a relationship, and it can be anything from a family member to a significant other.

The bubbles that pop have a reason and that can be anything from an outside force or possibly something within ourselves. Unfortunately, there are cases where we are not strong enough for this world and people die, from illness or an accident, just like a bubble pops before it leave the wand. Another way a bubble can pop is because of an element from the outside, something that impales the bubble or takes from it so much that it can no longer exist in its beautiful, light reflecting form. Growing up, children face a lot of trial and error and this can include failing in school or being bullied because of the way you dress, act, or even what you believe. This can either help a child build a strong and protective bubble or it pops and they feel alone and have to build their own walls in order to feel safe. As an adult, you face similar trials and have more added pressures, like finding someone to love and reproduce with.

A bubble for an adult is different to a child, it is stronger and doesn’t always pop for a minor inconvenience or little work drama, but someone else can overtake it. By being with someone your bubble attaches itself to someone else’s and if it turns out to be someone that abuses you in any form or takes away from your own personality, or values it can cause your bubble to merge into the other and you not only lose yourself but allow the other bubble to grow, the person to excel because they have taken your power and they have control of everything, they have the reins of your bubble and it is very hard to come back from that.

This, of course, is a difficult topic, but there are things that you can do if you recognize small things that could indicate losing yourself or if you notice a friend needs some help.

1. Communication - It is important to remember you do have people around you and people that will care but they won't know unless you reach out and try. It will be really hard but at the end of the day it could save you or even save your friend if you speak up about something you have noticed.

2. Reflect - You still have your bubble and you know what once made you so happy and what keeps you going even if it is the small things like cooking or a bath at the end of the day. If it is your friend force her to come out and have a girls day but keep it light, not everyone will take well to an ambush or feel ready to talk

3. Leave - This is one of the most important things, it can get very complicated but it might be your only option if you want to keep looking forward and be the best and strongest you that you can be. It is hard for a friend or family member to get involved and help someone leave a situation but try to approach things in a way that wont offend the person or leave them feeling weak and stupid because that might cause them to stay longer and the situation could get worse

4. This one is for the friends and family, it is important that no matter what you try and stay connected even if it gets hard. Stay strong for your person and don't their bubble pop because you may lose parts of them forever.