Don’t Be A Tree

I am a Warrior Mom. What does that mean? It means that I suffered from and survived postpartum depression. In my case, it also means that I am a mom of children who have special needs. The beginning of motherhood was not magical for me. In fact I was stuck, isolated, stagnant and afraid.

I was a tree.

I wasn’t taking care of myself. Our entire family was suffering. Our lives were not being lived, they were being endured. The days were spent in a haze of missed appointments and burnt dinners, everything was out of control.
I knew in order for things to change I had to figure out what I needed to feel alive again. It took me about a year and a half of soul searching and bi-weekly therapy sessions just to catch my breath and then another year or two to remember to exhale. That was the easy part. Then I had to keep breathing while balancing my new self care routine and fighting for my sons’. The services and supports we needed to make the changes necessary for lasting  growth in our family were not easy to obtain. In fact, figuring out how to get the help our family needs is a full time job. It's my full time job. Sadly, the systems in place to help families are incredibly difficult to identify and access.

Advocating for and acquiring special education services is infinitely more complicated for those of us who are consumed with Mental illnesses like depression, anxiety, PTSD, or PPD. Fighting for the needs of my children while battling depression and anxiety is the hardest thing I have ever done.  Those years are a blur, I remember only bits and pieces, flashes of birthday parties, doctors appointments, trips to the playground and family gatherings. It’s all a magical mix of tantrums, big hugs, sensory meltdowns, belly laughs, bedtime stories, sleepless nights and family cuddles “in the big bed”. For so long we seemed to be living life on a roller coaster, our emotions taking us in each and every direction without any sense of stability or predictability at all.

It takes an awesome amount of courage and grit to fight through my depression so I can do what it takes to help our family grow. My inner voice constantly convinces me I will be judged by the people I love most. Thankfully I have an incredible husband who picks up the slack and supports me in every way he can but he couldn’t be the one to help me conquer my inner deamons. So I got myself a great therapist. It’s exhausting and, at times, all consuming. Without the proper supports in place it’s just too easy to get pulled into the dark tunnel of defeat and self loathing.

That’s why I am determined to help other warrior moms find their magic. We shouldn’t have to fight this fight on our own. Its so important that we seek out others who have gone through similar things. Its also essential that we identify and implement the things in our life that feed our soul. For me that is God, teaching and learning. So I went on a writing retreat. Then I went on a religious retreat. Little by little I started to feel a noticeable change. I have learned that I really need to force myself to include praying, reading, and writing in my daily routines. I also need my tribe to help me stay productive and present.


✨The Find Your Magic Mama Tribe.✨  


The experiences of my self care journey lead me to a group of women who have had their own experiences of being a tree, stuck in one spot feeling alone with nothing and no one to branch out to. It has been through our uninhibited sharing and judgement free loving guidance that our friendships have turned into a sisterhood of healing. I rely on my tribe to lift me up, hold me accountable, celebrate the wins and comfort my weary spirit on a daily basis. We all need and deserve compassion and understanding and we must continue fighting until we find it.

Every warrior mom’s journey to the magic is different. Instead of therapy and retreats some will begin to heal through church and running or reading and playing darts. How we find our way back to the magic is not the point. The point is, we figure out whatever it is that nurtures our soul and helps us grow as individuals. That’s where the healing takes place and that my friends, is where you will find your magic. In the meantime, let's practice being kind to each other and, most importantly, to ourselves as well.