Divorce is Not the End of the Road

No, I didn’t see it coming.

The year was 1999, and my wife and I had been married for 8 years. We had two children, aged 3 and 9 months. I was working full-time for one of Australia’s major banks, and my wife had resigned three years prior to become a full-time mother.

I arrived home from work in early December that year, to find her in tears, and saying that she needed to go across the road to talk to our friend. When she returned, she told me that it was over.

We talked, regarding why and what could be done. She was resolute — she could not continue to be married to me.

That started a journey for me, starting with me moving out to her parents’ home (yes, they were very helpful to let me stay with them while I rebuilt my life).

As I had moved to South Australia with her in the early 1990s, I had left all my friends behind, and all my friends had subsequently been her friends and their partners.

Yes, I was on the divorce emotional roller-coaster, and missing our two young children, but I was determined to make friends of my own — to start my life again.

I was a member of a local church, and they had a singles’ group, which I joined. They had weekly get-togethers, meeting at peoples’ homes and going out to events like ten-pin bowling, movies and restaurant meals.

This led to me making new friends, two of whom I still have regular contact with.

I looked for other groups I could join, based on my interests. As I follow Richmond Football Club in the Australian Football League (AFL), I joined the South Australian Richmond Supporters Group, who met regularly to go to Richmond matches here, and also for Barbeques before games. to chat about the upcoming match and past glories (no, the Tigers were not successful back then…).

My involvement in the local Concert Band (I play 2 instruments) also helped during this time, as I gave me an interest to focus on, and gigs to play for.

It was a big transition, going from being a full-time Dad of two, to being single and a part-time Dad (every second weekend). It was also challenging adjusting to paying Child Support. My friends helped, being a great support. One of them also recommended that I do a course on recovering after a broken relationship and moving on, offered by a government-supported agency, which I did.

This led to me making friends with a lot of people who were going through what I was — these were some of the closest friends I had ever made (one of them was also a Richmond supporter…).

Yes, this was an interesting time. I met a lot of new friends, and was also introduced to online dating, which was an interesting experience in itself…!

I learned a lot from this time, and gained a lot of life experience.

My advice to anyone going through the massive challenge of divorce is that, although it is horrible, it is important to seek help during it, whether this be from courses offered and/or from friends who have gone through it too. I know what it is like to miss your kids badly, and to wonder what they are doing.

Remember, don’t go through it by yourself — reach out. This time will not last forever.

I am not a counsellor, but have gained a lot of knowledge through my experience.

It led me to where I am now — married to a wonderful person!