Delayed Response

When do babies say their first word: at one year or at one and a half years? How about at two? Well, my son had not uttered a word, and he was two and a half. My husband and I had no point of reference.

Our son was our first and only child. We did not know what was customary or normal and what wasn’t. The famous manual What to Expect When You Are Expecting never said anything about this. Its sequel didn’t cover it much either. So we did what we had to do. We began the hunt for the causes of his failure to speak.

Searching for Answers

My husband and I began with the pediatrician. We took the baby in for an examination, explained our concern to the doctor, and waited for a revelation. There was none. Our son’s ears looked normal and responded normally, so we knew he could hear. No answers here.

We then took him to an otolaryngology specialist to see if he had any physical impairment of the ear, nose, or throat. All results were negative, with the caveat — his speech delay could be due to his being tongue-tied as a baby.

Six Weeks Prior

He was never examined at the hospital. I didn’t learn about his frenulum being attached to the tip of his tongue until the day I took him to the ER because he would not breastfeed.

The frenulum is a small membrane under the tongue that keeps the tongue in place to the floor of the mouth. The ER identified the issue and referred me to a pediatrician at the time, and the following day, his frenulum was clipped.

Yes, it sounds horrible, and it was, but it had to be done. I stayed outside the exam room. I could not watch my baby undergo the procedure. I can still hear his scream when the doctor snipped it, even though I was outside the exam room. He was six weeks old the day the issue was corrected.

I have to say, when you’re a new mom, make sure they check your newborn in the hospital and fix it right away. My son was never able to latch and had to be bottle-fed. Make sure they check, because it causes more problems than whether the baby is able to latch to your breast and breastfeed.

Latching is imperative for the act of sucking. Proper tongue use is compromised if there is an abnormality. The sooner it is caught, the better the chance — it does no harm.

The Diagnosis

The specialist examined the baby thoroughly after we informed him of the baby’s medical history. There wasn’t much of one, but the frenulum detail was the all-important one. We were told the baby’s issue being tongue-tied was probably the culprit for his delayed speech.

The real possibility that he might not be able to speak, or speak well, was not what we thought we would ever hear. By age two and a half, with no words at all, the concern and possibility were growing; this would be the case. Our son was barely making out the words ma or da by then.

The doctor said we would monitor his progress and, if he had not spoken by age four, we would revisit the situation. We were heartbroken.

A Mother’s Pain

I was a new mom and alone in the sense I didn’t have a mom to consult or talk to about what was happening.

My dad was useless in this area. He had never experienced this with my sister and me, and he was the last person on earth I wanted advice or wisdom from. If you have read anything from me, you understand why.

I would cry when I was alone. I would cry when I held my baby and kissed his little head, apologizing for not knowing, for not being proactive, for being a bad mommy.

In the shower, I could hide my tears, but keeping the hard sobs from being too loud was painfully difficult. I did it. No one knew. Not even my husband.

What goes on in a mom’s head whenever something is wrong with her baby? I’ll tell you.

She blames herself. She does this because she carried the baby and must have done something wrong during the pregnancy, causing this tiny baby’s problems. I did.

She blames herself because she should have known to ask better questions before they brought their baby home. I did.

She feels like a failure, first for not catching it sooner, when the baby could not latch even from day one, and now for her delayed attentiveness, which was manifesting in her child’s inability. I did that too.

Sure, she gets encouragement from the people around her, but deep within her, she feels less. She feels like a complete failure, unworthy of the gift she holds in her arms all day long. This was painfully real and true in how I saw it and how I felt.

Not only did I do all of these things every minute of the day, but I also blamed myself for waiting until I was 38 to have a child. Well, I didn’t wait on purpose, but I was forced to wait by medical conditions I hadn’t known I had. Perspective, right? Correct. I felt negligent, on top of it all.

In the Meantime

The otolaryngologist suggested we begin teaching the baby sign language so, at least, he could communicate with his hands what he needed or wanted.

You can’t imagine the anguish of not knowing what a child needs when he or she cries, when he or she should be able to say simple words at least.

So we began the process. It was slow. At two years old, with a mom now 40 and a father with limited time because of his work, we had to learn a whole new language and teach the baby as well.

We worked through the process, and by the time he was three, our son could at least tell us when he was hungry or thirsty or needed his diaper changed. A few other things too, but you understand what I mean.

Our son turned three.

I had been reading about babies who didn’t speak the entire time we were going through this. I read stories about other babies who didn’t speak until they were four or older. They didn’t even have tongue-tied issues, yet they didn’t utter a word until they were older. I found a light in the dark.

I read about Einstein. He didn’t speak until he was four or later. Edward Teller, the physicist, was the same. Most of these late bloomers with speech were highly brilliant: mathematicians, scientists, historical figures, actors, politicians, and geniuses.

I began to think I might have a little wonder in my arms — it is the natural response to a little hope. My son was genius material in the making.

The Word

One day, while I was doing some housework and my husband was working in the living room, I saw my son looking out the side window at the front door. He loved watching for the mail. The mailman would slide the envelopes through the mail slot in the door, and it was like Christmas for him.

This was his routine around mail delivery time.

He would grab the mail and run into the room to present it to whoever of us was home with him, usually me.

I walked into the living room as he handed the mail to his daddy and praised him for being such a good boy for bringing the mail. He smiled at us — such a sweet smile. All babies have them.

Then he looked at me and said, “mailman!” and stunned us into silence. We were now the ones without words.

With all the words he could have said as his first, mailman was the one — not mom, not dad, not even mama or dada. Ball was not even in the wheelhouse. Mailman.

I looked at my husband, threw up my hands with an expression which said, “I had nothing to do with it,” and told him there was no way the mailman was his daddy. (It’s an old cliché from our parents’ time, and who knows where or how it came about.)

We laughed. Then we praised our son so much, we must have annoyed him. He took his sweet time with mama and dada, but eventually those words came too. He would later need speech therapy because ankyloglossia makes speaking difficult. He could not say words with r or th sounds well, and he had a lisp. But eventually that was corrected and perfected. He did come along and speak normally in time.

There are days when I wish he would shut up, and I long for just a couple of those silent moments. He is now 20.

A Little Update

So you all know, he is not an Einstein or a Hawking. He is highly intelligent and wise beyond his years, yes, but he is not a genius. He is, however, perfect just as he is.

(Published by Contemplate on Medium, July 2026)

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