Dear Mom or Dad,

I know that for some, this can be scary. You are worried about how others are going to treat them. How kids at school are going to behave. You have seen so many news articles about their personal space being violated. Some of you want to protect them to the point you make them repress their true identity. Your friends and family don't understand. You are worried about "deadnaming" and misgendering. However, from personal experience, the road is long. There are times that it will be difficult. Your child could have days where they hate themselves, and they are extra depressed. However, the outcome boils down to your support.

When my child was born, she appeared to be male. She tried to express her individuality at a young age, and her biological father called her many derogatory names. You never forget the pain in their eyes as they turn to you in hopes you aren't the same. My daughter was struggling with her mental health due to how kids at school reacted to her. She did not have the greatest teacher, and she often called my daughter a "distraction". She began to spiral, and we found ourselves at the hospital; as a parent, that is terrifying, and I couldn't imagine how that made her feel. At that moment, I knew that I needed to do whatever it took to protect her. I was already homeschooling her brother, and she begged me to homeschool her. At that time, we lived in someone else's home, and one of the rules was she had to go to school. So we left. I couldn't bear the thought that my daughter may want to die due to my decisions. We moved across the United States in our van packed with what we could fit in it. Which happened to include seven people and a cat.

I didn't know how I was going to help her. When we reached our destination, I realized I had a choice to make. I could have her go back to school and hope that this school would be different, or I could send in my notice to homeschool. Sometimes as parents, we need to give them a choice with how their life will go, and that means schooling (if it is possible in your situation). We agreed that they all would be homeschooled after a family talk. I asked them their reasons to be homeschooled, and they stated, "No more mean teachers.", "No more bullies." and "I don't understand what they are teaching.".

I know it may seem difficult, and I know you are afraid, but you have to look at it from their perspective. For example, would you want your family forcing you to be who you are not? Would you like to be forced to wear clothes that don't identify you or make you comfortable? Would you want your mental health to be so bad that not waking up would be better than reality? If the answer is no, then you understand a small amount of how they feel. As a cisgender woman, I do not know what my daughter is experiencing. However, I do know how it feels to be alienated by family, and it is the most gut-wrenching feeling in the world.

I grew up being told my mother hates me because I was born a female, and I did not belong in the family. So I was given up for adoption. I remember the feeling of wishing I was born a male; however, I have never once felt in my heart or mind that I am a male. For trans individuals, they know who they are. When parents say, "well what if it is a phase?". I would rather my daughter grow her hair out and wear dresses and be happy, and it be a phase versus me telling her she can not wear dresses and keeping her hair short and her committing suicide because she felt all alone. I have been there but for a totally different reason. If I succeeded, I would have a tombstone at the age of 5. I know in my heart she knows this is who she is, and I will die defending her and those like her.

Can we please normalize listening to our children and believe them when they tell us something? I am not saying that all parents don't love their children unconditionally because I know some fantastic parents to some awesome trans kids. However, I also know some scared parents who don't understand what their children are going through, so they fight it and refuse to use the name they choose and the pronouns they identify as. We need to do better for our children because they are our future, and without them, we will be nothing.

Trans children are unique and some of the kindest and loving children I have ever met. Value them as much as they value us because they will be our leaders one day, and they will remember how society treated them. Do you want to be viewed as a hero or a villain? If you are struggling, reach out to someone who supports trans individuals. Ask questions and be informed by the right people. When my daughter came out, I made friends with many trans individuals, and they have helped me and my daughter grow. Trust your child and believe them when they approach you about who THEY are.