Dealing with Divorce

I'm here to share helpful tidbits of surviving and thriving during this difficult time. If my experiences are at all useful or amusing, consider sending a little love my way.

1. If you’re a drinker, drink. Now I know this seems contradictory, but if you’re not emotionally ready to take on the daunting task of sifting through the rubble that is now your life, you shouldn’t. Alcohol has this lovely little magic trick where is numbs you to the pain of your reality. But only for a while. You’ll either: A. become a raging alcoholic which I do not recommend 2. Figure out that you can only suppress the inevitable for so long or C. you’ll reach the healthy conclusion that you need to deal with your shit like the grown ass adult you are. But you’ll get there when you’re ready to get there.

2. Replace that drinking with exercise. Depending on how long you chose to resist the truth, this may be more difficult than anticipated. However, I have all the faith in you. Walk, run, lift heavy things and put them down, box- do whatever you have to, just get moving. Embrace the endorphins! You won’t be able to deny the warm and fuzzy feelings from your brain and you’ll be on your way to a healthier life. Because you will have a life after this.

3. Embrace your support system. Lean on those who love you. It’s important not to retreat from the world and get way too tangled up inside your own head. Besides, these people are your support system; they knew what they were getting into when they signed onto you.

4. Find a project. And throw yourself into it. Personally, I found a rusted old suit of armor and began the daunting task of bringing him back to live with whit vinegar and a sponge. But it can be something as simple as a puzzle or as massive as home renovations you’ve been putting off. Maybe you two had completely opposite tastes and now is the time to demo that kitchen and build exactly what you want.

5. Try something new. Broaden your horizons. Do something you may have been holding back from doing because it wasn’t what a married person would do. You have less responsibilities now so go ahead, be a little reckless.

6. Do something entirely selfish. Again, maybe there were some thing you didn’t do out of respect for your significant other. Maybe they didn’t like tattoos, so you stopped yourself from decorating your body any more. Perhaps they harshly criticized something you valued, so what once was a life passion became a back burner project.

7. Talk. Possibly the hardest thing of all. I’ve never found therapists super helpful but most of my friends find comfort in talking to an impartial party.

8. Don’t pretend it didn’t happen. People seem to think it’s taboo to talk about divorce but sometimes it’s just as natural as marriage. You don’t need hushed tones and you certainly don’t need to feel ashamed. It’s not like you got divorced because your marriage was a good one. You got out of a toxic relationship. You did something to improve your life and screw anyone who tries to make you embarrassed about that. As our former first lady Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “no one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” So don’t give it to them.

9. Get back out there. I know it’s absolutely terrifying to think of opening up to another human being but when you’re ready, I promise you, it’s not that bad. Signing up for online dating apps and window shopping for a while is a great place to start.

Divorce is never easy and anyone who says differently is selling something. But it’s not the end of the world. In fact, it’s a whole new beginning.