Colour Me Calm

It’s been a long day. It’s been a long week. My almost two year old is resisting sleep like nothing I’ve ever seen, my almost 4 month old is probably going through that absolute nightmare of a sleep regression that is notorious at 4 months. I’m so tired. The house is a mess but I don’t care. Uni will be going back soon. Am I taking on too much going back full time? I’m overwhelmed. I barely have the energy to look after myself, let alone be learn. I miss being creative. I miss having fun.

My husband is at work, the oldest is at daycare, the youngest just fell asleep. I could be productive. I have a chance to clean, or cook, or workout. I don’t want to do any of that. I’m tired. I’m feeling lost. I don’t feel inspired anymore. I’m going to take some time for me. Whether I get twenty minutes or two hours. I put the kettle on, it’s most definitely time for coffee. Maybe a sneaky bit of chocolate, or ice cream! No, definitely chocolate, I can dunk it into the coffee. Make it melty.

A nugget of creative inspiration appears in my mind, I’m too tired to create from scratch, too tired to think, but I could colour in. I enjoy it with my two year old, it’s fun seeing him discover the colours, learn the names of each one, and screw colouring in the lines, just scribble everywhere, who needs to even stay in the book, let alone the lines?! Colouring on my own though, is satisfyingly calm.

I find my nice pencils, the ones just for me. I find my adult colouring book. It’s about mythical creatures. Who knew that Chinese mythology had a version of a unicorn called a Qilin?! Should I start a new page or continue colouring the lizard?

The kettle whistles. As I sort my coffee and chocolate I decide to keep colouring the nameless giant lizard. I like being able to finish a page. I hope I get to finish this one before youngest wakes up.

I sit. I dunk. I bite. I sip. I take out the brown pencil. I start to colour the tree in brown. Pressing hard to give the left side a bit of shadow, softening as I move towards the right. I imagine myself sitting in the clearing looking at the tree. How interesting it would be to see a creature like this in person. Although I’m sure I probably don’t really want to. I would likely hide behind this tree. I would walk away slowly backing into the forest behind me as noiselessly as possible. Once I was safe I would take a nice, long stroll through this beautiful forrest. I imagine it would be a nice warm day, sunlight filtering in through the trees above. Birds twittering above me and the occasional rustle as one takes flight. I’m sure I would find a stream, with a lovely large flat rock to sunbath on. I would undress and lay in the sun for a while before sliding into the stream, just deep enough to submerge myself in, the water calm and cool, refreshing.

I change to a green pencil, an olive greeen, to colour in the leaves of the tree. Another sip, a dunk and a bite. I wonder what other creatures live in this forrest. Would I find fairies flitting around the little patch of pink flowers over there? What are they like in this little world? Will they help me find delicious berries to eat, or will they steal my clothes? In my mind this forrest is safe, comforting and wonderful, but maybe the fairies here are a little mischievous.

I change to a darker green, more of an emerald, in order to give the leaves a bit of depth. As I colour and wonder and sip, I feel myself physically relax. The ache of tiredness, of carrying children, of constantly doing things is starting to alleviate. I feel content. This is just for me. A moment of calm in the chaos of life and motherhood.

Oooohwwwaaahh!

Oh dear, my time is up. I quickly pack away. That was lovely. I smile to myself. I feel restored. Still tired but mentally in a better place. I go give my youngest a cuddle, ready to be Mum again.