Christmas

Christmas used to be a huge deal for me and for my family, I loved Christmas, but for all the wrong reasons. My parents did the best they could and always went above and beyond to give us a great Christmas even though they didn't have the best financial means to do so. The presents would physically cover the bottom of our tree and hide the lights and ornaments that would hang from the bottom.

My mom would prepare an elaborate dinner with desserts. Sounds lovely, doesn't it? Well, it was, but only for a short time. Growing up my parents really struggled to keep food on our table and truthfully, even struggled to keep our power on. Even had my mother commit fraud on her children to get internet and power. Things were often held over our head, I'll explain.

If the gravy burnt, Christmas dinner was ruined and it was honestly traumatizing. My dad would try to be the voice of reason, but it always somehow ended up in my dad being the bad guy and they would end up in a screaming fight. Typically with dishes being thrown and smashed, cutting and harmful words yelled at each other. Then, we would get the brunt of the arguments. Being told we are ungrateful and we don't realize all the hard work that went into making Christmas.

This made Christmas less meaningful to me. If we even had the slightest attitude or breakdown, we would be scolded. We would be bribed and blackmailed into doing things. So much so, that there were threats of taking our gifts back. We were told they have all the receipts and can easily take back all the gifts they got us. We were also met with 'I got you all of this for Christmas and you're going to act like this'? Let's not forget, 'you have no idea what we went through and sacrificed to give you guys a great Christmas'. A lot of the gifts we received were actually donations from churches, our meals were typically donated by churches and community.

My parents were really good at putting on a fake front for everyone around. My grandparents would come over and we would have our gifts under the tree unwrapped to show them all that we got. We would have to put on a happy face and pretend that we didn't just get screamed at for the last 2 hours. I started to resent and hate Christmas, and honestly I still do. We were never taught the meaning or the value of Christmas. When I think of Christmas, I think of all the bad things and associated greed to everyone, when that's not even true.

I started to hate Christmas because of the trauma it brought, when it never should have been that way. It should have been peaceful, it should have been more about the family time than the gifts. We were never taught the importance of family or keeping in touch with people. Let's be honest, my parents and my whole family were a miserable bunch of people. I don't even remember the last time my family was genuinely happy to be with each other or enjoying the presence of each other.

I know my kids will be getting a few necessities for Christmas, but they're also going to have lasting memories. I want my kids to remember our times together and not the material items. Material items are replaceable, time spent together is not. I do not want my kids hating Christmas or losing the true meaning of Christmas, which is spending time with loved ones. I strive for my kids to know the true meaning of Christmas and to value the time they have with each other.