Grief

My heart soul body and mind are filled with regret. I know there’s no reason to feel regret and I know there was nothing that could be done. Your body and mind were tired of wrestling with the demons of mental illness, that’s okay.

You see, mental illness comes to steal, kill, and destroy just like the enemy. You we’re and still are a threat to the enemy. You’re physical body is gone but you continue to live on through those who have met you. You won. The enemy tried to beat you down but he lost, you were not your mental illness, it did not define who you were. Your physical body was taken from us, your mental body was captivated in such a way it felt there was no other way. Your mental body was tired of fighting with these demons of mental illness.

This, was not you. I continue to fight away those feelings of regret knowing that, this wasn’t you. This was the inner body of mental illness that ran so deep into the pits of hell that there was no way to escape. I get it, you were tired, I understand, the system failed you. This doesn’t seem real although I know there’s no turning back.

Your legacy will carry on for the many days ahead and I will continue to write exactly what I’m thinking and feeling. You told me there’s no wrong way to feel about my writings because they are raw and real emotion. I’m angry at the system, you shouldn’t have been released. I regret not telling you certain things but did so to protect myself and to protect you. The fear of losing the closest person to me was so so addiment and engrained that I never thought it would be a reality.

You left this earthly world on April of 2018 to mental illness, far too soon and as much as we all miss you, we are comforted knowing you’re in the arms of our Savior, singing along with the angels. Jesus took you by the hand and said ‘well done, thy good and faithful servant.’

We have comfort and joy that we knew you. We got got to see you grow and you helped us grow. The world seems less fantastic today but comforting knowing you our now watching over us, keeping people safe. You loved helping people, now you can help people even more. Your physical body has left us, but you are always with us, living in our hearts.

We have the memories of your bubbly self and even though you battled, you were always positive and so happy! You brought life to those around you and I know you’ll continue to do that daily. Your famous saying was ‘what’s your next step?’ And ‘plan A, B, C, D, choose to maximize in the areas that you can control.’ You did not let your battle define who you were because that wasn’t who you were.

Your time on this earth was a lot shorter than we all anticipated. We are so thankful for the man that are and the level of strength you showed and had. You are a warrior and your legacy will live on. You will continue to change lives because we have you in our heart.

Your passion for Jesus was contagious, your love for others was evident, your heart was so large, you were so loved. Now you will be loved from afar but we’re comforted knowing your safe and free from pain. Rejoice with the angels.

You have not passed, just only started to live. Thank you for being you, for being so genuine, real, and honest. For being the best product of you every day despite your battle. Your integrity and your life was an inspiration to all who knew you. We will continue to live on and love you, and continue your legacy.

We did not lose you, because we gained you as our guardian angel. Watch over us as we grieve, take care of your mom and dad as we know you will. Watch over your family and protect them as we also know you will. You loved everyone so much and passed no judgements.

We take gratitude in the fact that we knew you and watched you grow. Watched you witness to those around you whenever you were around with no fear. We take gratitude knowing you are now watching all of us. We continue to be comforted by the songs you would sing.

Rest peacefully my friend, until we meet again at the pearly white gates, know you are so loved and missed beyond compare. We will never forget you.