Celebrate Life, Not Death

Death is part of life, but why do we get so worked up over it? I’m not talking about religiously; I’m talking about just the idea of death. Our reaction to it is over the top at times.

I am the music director in my church and so I have seen my share of funerals. But no matter how young or old the deceased is, the reaction of those “left behind” is the same. The immediate family is weeping and wailing, the friends of the family are uncomfortable because they don’t know what to say or do. The priest, who oftentimes did not even know the deceased, gives a sermon of platitudes made up of sometimes outright lies. Yes, I know I sound harsh, but isn’t it time we said what we really mean?

I do understand that this reaction is a natural human one, but why do we react like this? Those of us who believe in God (for lack of a better term) know that death isn’t the end. Heck, even those who do not believe in God, at least hope death isn’t the end. So why do we assume that we’ll never see the person again.

I recently had a death in my parish. The woman was 94 years old and the last six months had been very rough. Between running back and forth to her house, shuffling aides to and from the train, grocery shopping, dealing with doctors and hospice, it had been exhausting.

I found it interesting how each person in the family dealt with the situation in their own way. One of the daughters was the “strong” one, or so everyone said. But what they did not see was that she was “strong” because she had no other choice. The other relatives were either in denial or absent. Someone had to pick up the slack.

But honestly, the woman was 94. Even if she were in the best of health, at that age it could happen any time.

So now we come to the Wake. Wakes used to be much longer; thank God it is only one day now. For most people, this will be harder than all the running around of the last six months. Whenever I go to one (I have to because of my job) I can’t shake the feeling that sitting around looking at a dead body is really pretty useless. We seem to be celebrating the deceased death by being morbid.

I watched as people came in to pay their respects. After greeting the family, they went around looked at the flowers to see who sent them, examined every photo of the deceased that had been carefully put out on end tables. Then they took a chair and sat in silence for a while.

Only the immediate family and close friends talked to each other, and then in whispered tones. Once in a while the subject came around to the ‘guest of honor’ lying there in front. Frankly, I found it very strange.

For a person like the deceased, a woman who celebrated life every day, it seemed inappropriate to sit in silence. She was extremely sociable, the kind of woman who went into a room of strangers and came out with a room of friends. So why not celebrate her life the way she’d want? Have a large party and invite everyone; she’d certainly like that a lot more.

So, go out, celebrate life not death. But even better – go see your loved one while they’re still alive and can appreciate it! I have always said, from the day we’re born we’re dying. It is what we do with life in between that counts.