Some individuals find it easy to get to know others. You may even know someone who is like that.
Within ten minutes of meeting someone new, they are chit-chatting as if they had been friends for years. However, not everyone finds it that simple to get along with new individuals.
You may be inclined to ask a lot of questions while attempting to learn more about a new friend. While it's undoubtedly a smart place to start, asking questions is just one aspect of the process.
Here are some tips on how to get to know someone better without making a lot of small chat.
Pose sincere inquiries
Again, while getting to know someone, questions are useful. In fact, it's likely that you would find it difficult to communicate if you didn't ask any questions at all.
However, it's crucial to be certain that the questions you pose reflect your genuine curiosity. Not a big fan of movies? Feel free to avoid reciting the tired, "Seen any excellent movies lately?" question.
Pay attention to inquiries that advance a discussion.
Think about how you would react if someone repeatedly questioned you without apparent purpose:
Your middle name was asked.
Do you own any animals?
What dish do you like to eat?
You can even feel as if you wandered into an interview for which you weren't prepared.
Let the discussion lead you instead of coming up with arbitrary questions, and listen for clues from the other person. For instance, you may comment, "Oh, how adorable! " when you see a coworker's desktop wallpaper is a picture of a puppy. Do you own those dogs?
Remember that you are not required to ask every question that occurs to you. Over time, people inevitably expose more and more about themselves.
You'll probably wind up obtaining answers to queries you didn't ask if you keep chatting to them.
Prevent asking quick inquiries.
Let's say you just met someone who appears incredibly wonderful. You can absolutely see yourself establishing friendships and perhaps even more. When you first develop an interest in someone, you want to learn as much as possible about them.
But asking a lot of questions may not be the best course of action. Yes, you will learn important details about the individual, such where they were raised and how many siblings they have. However, you could get even more information if you ask a meaningful inquiry.
Say, "Do you spend a lot of time with your family?" for instance, if you wish to inquire about family. Whether you do this instead of just asking if they have siblings, you'll probably receive a better response.
Recognize your awkwardness
When they perceive a pause in the discussion, people often go back to asking quick, shallow questions. This first uneasiness, though, is very natural.
According to a 2018 research, it typically takes around a month for speech patterns to find a satisfying rhythm.
Try not to be too offended by any discomfort or pauses that may occur in the meantime.
Pay attention to their responses.
You can't merely ask someone questions if you really want to get to know them. Additionally, you must pay attention to their responses. You may demonstrate to someone that you really care about what they have to say by using active listening techniques.
Pay attention to their reactions.
How someone physically reacts to a question may teach you a lot. Do they squat down to respond? make gestures or otherwise seem active as they respond?
If they seem enthusiastic, you've probably chosen a decent subject. If they make a cursory response, shrug off the topic, or turn their body or head away, they may not be really interested.
You could communicate more effectively if you can gauge a person's degree of interest. If they anticipate more inquiries on subjects they don't truly care about, they can be less interested in speaking with you.
We've all had moments of being drowsy and disoriented. Even when you're having fun, like conversing with someone you want to get to know better, this might still occur.
However, drifting off might come off as uninterested, particularly to someone you don't know well.
Avoid picking up your phone or leaving the discussion altogether if you see your focus straying. Instead, pause for a minute and reaffirm your actions and motivations.
It could seem innocuous to slightly embellish the facts in order to connect with someone.
You extol the virtues of dystopian young adult literature after reading "The Hunger Games." Or maybe you want to join your gorgeous coworker's jogging club, so even though your sneakers have been stashed in the back of the closet for months, you casually suggest running 5 kilometers every other morning.
Making a connection doesn't necessarily require that you have the same interests. Let similarities naturally arise where they do. You can always expose each other to your shared passions if they don't.
You shouldn't just have one-sided connections. A friendship won't last very long if the other person doesn't get to know you as well. Attempt to provide information about yourself together with the questions you ask.
During a discussion, you may casually disclose personal information by responding to what is being said, which happens often. For instance: "You like cooking? That's incredible. Although I lack patience in the kitchen, I like making drinks.
Sharing personal information might put some individuals at ease since they could feel awkward if they don't know much about the person they're speaking to.
You may then redirect the topic to the other party by asking a relevant question, such as, "Did you learn to cook on your own?"
According to Parker, those who struggle to connect with others often struggle to connect with themselves. She suggests finding your own interests and activities so you may broaden your horizons.
Keep your praises brief—and sincere.
You don't want to overdo it, even if it could seem like a smart method to win someone over. This might be unsettling since it often comes out as fake. Additionally, it often causes discomfort in others.
Make praises honest and meaningful as a general rule. A genuine compliment might help spark a discussion that offers a chance to learn more about the other person.
Don't provide counsel.
Your first instinct may be to provide counsel if a stranger begins telling you about an issue they're having. But unless they directly ask what you think or what you would do in the same scenario, it's better to simply listen empathically.
It's typically preferable to refrain from soliciting excessive amounts of advice from others.
Perhaps you want to convey to the other person how much you respect their opinions. However, asking someone repeatedly "What do you think about that?" or "What should I do?" or even "Do you think I did the right thing? ", for example, might put them under pressure to provide a response they might not feel comfortable providing.
Avoid sending too many texts or messages.
It could seem like a good idea to text to avoid the discomfort that might arise when first getting to know someone. But be careful not to depend on this kind of communication excessively, particularly in the beginning. Video chatting is an option if distance is a problem.
Texting should ideally just be used for setting arrangements or short messages like "Hey, I was thinking about you." Here, you may let the other person lead the way. Go ahead if you two like messaging each other.
Try not to send several SMS in anticipation of a response. It might be difficult to return to 12 messages after a day since people become busy.
Sending more messages to someone who is currently using your message space won't improve the problem.
Make an attempt to plan.
Utilizing information from your chat or clues from their surroundings might be helpful when establishing arrangements with new people.
Coffee is often a simple solution, but developing a more unique strategy demonstrates that you have been paying attention. That could make someone more at ease around you. For instance, if both of you own dogs, you can recommend visiting a dog park.
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You may learn what to advise by using conversational signals. For instance, you wouldn't want to recommend meeting in a bar to someone who has discussed abstaining from alcohol.
Avoid pressing too hard while discussing delicate issues.
Some individuals like discussing sensitive subjects including politics, religion, previous relationships, present relationships, and a variety of other subjects. Some don't. Many individuals wait until they are familiar with someone before feeling comfortable discussing these topics.
Even while you may like diving straight into deep, profound topics, it's always a good idea to be cautious when you're just getting to know someone.
Practice being vulnerable
Your approach shouldn't be unilateral if you want to get to know someone better. In other words, if you aren't willing to give personal information, how can you expect others to?
Usually, before someone feels at ease with you, you have to exhibit some amount of vulnerability.
This does not need you to immediately discuss difficult or serious subjects. However, as time passes, you could inevitably start disclosing more details about the matters that are important to you.
Time it out
A friendship may take more than 100 hours spread over three months to form.
Although merely spending time with someone doesn't guarantee that you'll develop a close connection, spending more time with them tends to boost your odds of doing so.
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It's normal to want to become close to someone straight immediately, but rushing a connection might backfire and lead to worse outcomes.
Use the advice above to help you make the most of the time you spend with the person you want to get to know.
Remember that friendships can not always work out as well. Some individuals aren't compatible as friends, just as some people aren't compatible as love partners, and that's okay.
Understanding the person you're dating in-depth
The atmosphere is lively and new. You get many praises, there is a lot of flirtation, and you have butterflies every day.
It's simple to get lost in the joy of a brand-new relationship. We like feeling well, therefore it feels nice.
But ultimately you get through the honeymoon stage and into the daily responsibilities of being in a true relationship.
And sometimes you enter that period before you are prepared.
Never stop getting to know someone, even after you've shown that you two get along well and are physically compatible and at ease. Because you never know whether you'll be like me and discover you didn't truly know the person you were dating.
Continue to ask questions
The key to getting to know someone is to ask questions.
I was extremely committed to getting to know the person in the early phases of dating, which were the first month or so. But eventually, I stopped asking questions after realizing that I enjoyed them. I stopped actively screening people and attempting to get to know them, like some random switch been flicked in my brain.
This was a mistake, and it made me realize afterwards how little I really knew about my companions.
I'm a listener, not a talker, thus I'm terrible at remembering to remember to ask questions. I like listening to others, and I appreciate it when they are the center of attention. Because of this, I often fall into the trap of knowing a lot about someone else but not necessarily knowing the key details or the information I truly want to know about them.
People like talking about themselves, and if you allow them, they'll keep talking, so you need to take the lead and engage in the discussion.
I make sure to include some of the questions I have a list of on my phone of things I want to ask my partner, either to learn more about them, to hear their answer, or to seek their opinion on anything. I do this to hold myself accountable.
I lose all sense of reason when I look at my partner's face because I'm so into him, and I feel flustered when I'm put on the spot. So, when my brain wants to soar to the heavens, having that note to remind me of my talking points puts me on solid ground.
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Keep talking about everything I usually put off the important talks about my future goals, my expectations of my spouse, how they show their love and devotion, and things of that kind. They seem like large, terrifying subjects to me. But holding up the discussion just hurt me.
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Continue to set dates
I tend to procrastinate when it comes to setting up dates with the person I'm dating.
It's really simple to put off going on a date, particularly if you live together or have reached the stage of your relationship when you spend a lot of time at one other's homes.
However, going out is a crucial and forming aspect of a relationship. An essential component of getting to know someone is sharing daily life with them and seeing how they behave and interact with others.
Every date should be treated like the first. Try your best to experience something new as a couple, whether it be a new restaurant, an activity, or a different area of the city.
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