Behind the timid child are amazing guts

Do you have such a timid child at home?

In our view are some ordinary things, how to the child that has become an instantaneous-Siegfried of the "horror memory"?

So timid, how to do when they grow up? In the face of children's inexplicable fear, what do we do to make children brave?

Today we'll talk about where the courage of timid children comes from~

Behind the child's fear

"Fear" is a very abstract concept, and we usually have a hard time explaining to others what it is like.

Not to mention the child, does not know how to express his inner fear. Fear is an objective and normal emotion

Research shows that.

◆ more than 90% of normal children will have different degrees of fear.

◆ 40% of children aged 2-4 have at least one fear.

◆ 43% of children aged 6-12 have more than seven kinds of fears.

What kind of generation logic is behind children's timid fears?

1 The sense of loss of control

The child's so-called "timid and afraid" is a self-protection mechanism fed back to the child in the process of continuous development and evolution of the brain.

For children above the age of 1, self-awareness began to sprout development, this time the child feels that the world is for him, and in turn, the knowledge of the outside world is limited, and the experience of things is also limited.

When there are things and people outside the scope of self-control and cognition, the child, because of the unknown, will produce a sense of loss of control of the outside world, and thus feel afraid.

2 Can't distinguish between reality and imagination

It is not an exaggeration! From the age of 2, the child's imagination begins to develop and grow, there will be a dilemma of not being able to distinguish between imagination and reality.

At this time, children are prone to pull anything in life into their imaginary world, with no ability to distinguish reality, so often manifested as somehow being scared to cry.

Let's say → children are afraid of big monsters in the dark, afraid of tigers eating themselves in their dreams, afraid of washing their hair and closing their eyes when there is a big water monster, etc., all belong to the child's imagination.

3 scared by adults out of the timid

"This is dangerous, if you touch it, your hand will be broken!"

"Don't touch the puppy, it will bite you!"

"Don't talk to strangers, in case they are bad people!"

Thinking back, did we also issue a similar "warning" to the child?

We naturally have good intentions and want to tell our children what is dangerous in this way.

But there is one thing to understand.

Children's perception of all things is a blank sheet of paper at the beginning, we "generalize" the danger to tell, will inadvertently make children of all the corresponding things are covered with a layer of fear, so that become overly nervous, fear, anxiety.

This is not conducive to the development of courage in children but will make the child encounter similar fear in the future and obsequious, that is, fear and incompetence, this impact on the growth of children is more long-term.

Do 4 things well, courage will come naturally

step1. accept your child's timidity

Read some of the parenting tips "academic parents" should know, when dealing with timid children a scary moment, we adults a "don't be afraid" in addition to a little language comfort, is not practical.

When a person is afraid, from a certain point of view, so that a person's "don't be afraid" will make the timid one feel more: so only they are so timid, they are useless!

Instead, it will add some internal burden to the emotion of fear.

Secondly, when a child says he is afraid, it is a cry for help after he has developed this emotion and does not know how to deal with it.

Instead of saying "don't be afraid" when your child tells you he is afraid, truly accept your child's fear and help him or she pull out of the black hole of fear.

Examples Time

When your child wants to play on the slide but is afraid and tells their mom she is scared, don't just encourage your child to try.

A better approach is to accept: "Mommy knows you'll be a little scared because it's a little high."

Ask your child's opinion: "Do you also want to play, but you're scared because your mom is not here?"

Give the solution: "How about this? You go up with the lady in front of you, when you slide down, mommy in the bottom to follow you, so it is safe, okay?"

This series of operations down to give the child the desired solution, while allowing the child to feel their own fears mom can understand, will feel full of security, then the next step to overcome the fear of the water is ready.

Step2. guide the child to face the fear

In psychology, there is a method called behavioral contact improvement, that can help children face their fears.

--Avoidance does not solve the problem, you want to solve the problem through contact.

Similar to what we often say to face the fear, mainly through positive guidance, to tell the child that he is afraid of this thing is not dangerous.

Here is a recommended approach to follow.

❶ Talk to your child about what he is afraid of and ask him more about why in the process, which is actually to learn more about what he thinks.

❷ Let your child score and rank the things he or she is afraid of to understand the fear level. This way there is a step-by-step ladder to get rid of your child's fears.

❸ Further help your child face up to or be exposed to fears, for example, if your child is afraid of dogs, you can start by letting your child understand what kind of small animal dogs are.

(Observe the dog's appearance and bark through images and pictures, and gradually let the child understand this originally unknown thing)

This gradual approach, like medical desensitization, gradually overcomes fear through understanding.

Step3. Talk about the fear in a way that the child likes

For the child to release the fear, it is necessary to understand where the unknown part of the child's fear is.

Use the child's favorite and easy-to-understand way (such as playing games, scenarios, picture book stories, etc.) to talk to the child about what he is afraid of.

Every child is not born brave, and we do not have to force our children to be brave, as if there is courageous energy behind every timid child to be developed.

As long as we parents really understand and guide them correctly, we can let our children grow up with a sense of security, learn to "solve the problem" and activate courage!