Becoming

I opened the door to the the Quetzal Café, immediately I am wrapped up in the nostalgic aroma of fresh baked Conchas' and spicy Mexican Hot Chocolate. Scents I were familiar with back in my homeland but were a rare treat due to my family's impoverished status. The café is dressed in colors and fabrics like a woman of wealth and class, but the atmosphere is equivalent to that of a tight embrace from your Abuela.

My Papa and I moved to Ventura, California two years ago, leaving my Mama and four other siblings behind in Pueblo, Mexico. His self made construction business finally took off after ten years and he was offered a position to manage the construction of low income housing just beyond the outskirts of town. It was uncommon for a father to take his daughter when he had two other sons not much younger than me, but he saw my potential since the day I was born and knew I would only lose my life to the hands of many men in our town if I didn't leave immediately. He also felt it was only right for Miguel and and Gabriel to take care of my Mama and twin baby sister's and lead our household while he couldn't.

Quetzal was the first place I latched on to, being fifteen and hardly speaking a lick of English, I felt safe here. The owners were an adorable and old fashioned middle aged couple; Marianna and Jose Lopez. They too, had started from nothing and worked their way up to living a comfortable and modest life while doing what they love and bringing a sense of magic to our neighborhood.

When Marianna learned about my life back in Mexico she decided to take me under her wing, she told me her life was not so different and wanted to see me become even better off than her and Jose were, that I wasn't just some Pendeja in the streets like her own daughter turned out to be. She started teaching me the basics of English every weekend, during the week I would attend a public school full of people just like me. It felt comforting to not to feel left behind and out of place, we were all learning together.

Before I knew it, my first year away from everything I had ever known came around. One year, almost sixteen years old, and the heartbeat of my former life had grown quite dim. My Papa was never around, he worked all day and night to send money back home to our family, and I started making my own money working for Marianna and Jose every day after school and during the weekends. They even decorated the loft for me to sleep in whenever I felt too alone.

On my sixteenth birthday, it was an unusually cold day for California. My father wasn't home, but he left me a note:

"Feliz cumpleaños mi pajarita, muchos besos, abre tus alas hoy y nos veremos más tarde.

amor papa"

Happy birthday my little bird, many kisses, spread your wings today and we will meet up later. love papa

A single tear fell down my face. Even though he was barely in my life, he did everything in his power to keep our family alive even though it was taking a toll on him physically and mentally. I tucked his note into my jacket pocket, and headed out down the street to see my second family.

"Ana! There's our birthday girl!" Marianna scooped me up into a loving hug, even though I was sixteen she made me feel like I was six all over again. I pulled gently away from her embrace.

" Hola Senora, where is Senor?"

Marianna tried to contain a smile but she was too honest of a person to conceal anything from anyone. "Oh sweet child, you know you can call us by our first name. Jose is um, working on a little project, he will be out shortly. In the meantime take a seat at your spot, I've fixed up your favorite!"

I smiled at Marianna and took off my coat and gloves and placed them on the hook near the door. I quietly walked over to my favorite spot near the large bay window and took a seat in the comfy burgundy shell shaped chair. Before I had a moment to drift off elsewhere Marianna brought me out a piping mug of spicy Mexican Hot Chocolate and a warm sweet Concha.

"Gracias Marianna, but you didn't have to do this, I can pay now." I held the warm cup between my hands and softly stroked the sides, letting the warmth soak into my skin.

"Darling, today is about you, you owe us nothing, we owe you in honor of giving us a second chance." Marianna's big brown eyes flickered with waves of several emotions, she tousled my long springy curls and turned away wiping at the corner of her eye.

Suddenly, Jose popped out from the kitchen and danced his way over to his wife and I. " Mis amores! Why do I sense sadness in our place of love?" I stood up and he pulled me and Marianna into an embrace of serenity. Giving me a feeling I haven't felt since I was a little girl and my father would sing me sweet songs in our language and stroke my hair until I would fall asleep.

I pulled away and hid my face, no longer being able to contain my tears.

Marianna and Jose left me alone to sulk for a few minutes before they both placed a hand on either of my shoulders.

"Is this about your family mi amor?" Jose said in the softest voice I've ever heard him use.

"I-" my voice croaked, I took a moment to breathe before continuing. " You two have been my rock ever since I moved here a year ago. You accepted me as your own before you even knew...before I even knew who I was. You taught me English, you loved me when I didn't even know how to love myself. I don't know how I can ever repay you for all that you've given me." I fidgeted back and forth, there was a silence in the air but it wasn't uncomfortable. They both looked at me with so much admiration and pride and without saying a word they led me into the kitchen covering my eyes.

When I opened my eyes I saw a beautiful cake frosted with my favorite colors blue and green. Two bold candles in the center with my age, one of each color, and sixteen smaller candles adorned throughout. To the left of the cake was a small package wrapped up in a glittery gold paper.

"Before you say anything young lady, we are going to light these candles and you are going to make a wish." Jose playfully winked at me.

My eyes swelled up, not with sadness, but with joy and gratitude as I watched two of the most important people in my life lovingly hold hands and begin lighting my candles. I thought about all of the other girls my age, what they might wish for; a new cellphone, a car, something tangible. All I wanted was for this moment to never end.

The candles were all lit and I stood there beaming so greatly that I felt my cheeks start to quiver for release. We all took a moment to just stare at each other with appreciation.

"Okay my girl, this is your moment. May your wish today and all your future wishes come true."

I wasn't sure which one of them uttered those words. My eyes were already closed and my head was swimming with thoughts of just exactly how I wanted to use the power of a sixteenth birthday wish. All of us could feel the vibration of powerful energy in the room, just as I was about to break the tension the cafe's phone let out a shrill ring.

Marianna jumped from shock, "My word! I did not expect that, we are closed today but it's probably a call for an order tomorrow. I'll be right back mis amores!"

It hit me just then that I didn't recall any customers coming in, so lost in my own bliss, I didn't even realize they gave up a meaningful day of business just to celebrate me.

"Well chickadee, you can still make your wish before the candles melt into your cake, Marianna would be okay with that, she wanted this day to be perfect for you."

"Thank you Jose, but it wouldn't be the same without you both by my side." I half smiled at him and he kissed the top of my head just like my own father used to do and we waited together in a soothing silence for Marianna to return from the business call.

It felt like an eternity before Marianna walked back into the room, she was shaking, her cheeks stained from a plethora of tears.

"Mi amor! What is wrong?! Was it that rude man from a few weeks ago? I will make sure he respects our name if it's the last thing I do!"

Marianna didn't say anything, instead she fell to the ground and became inconsolable.

"I am so so sorry pequena. So sorry." Jose was crouched down trying to help Marianna up, but the gravity of what hit her and eventually me kept her stranded in despair.

I stood there for a moment which seemed like years, my whole life and everything I had come to be shattering like Marianna's tears all around me. My breath came in faster waves and my heart thumped as fast as the haunting rings from the phone.

I had to get out of here. I ran to the front of the café in a daze, trying to outrun my reality. I made it to the coat and gloves, the first items my papa had gotten me knowing the change in weather would get to me, and I fell to the floor gripping on to the thick material that was foreign to me until I got here. My breath was shallow at first, then all of my small and large moments with him flooded my brain, kicking and scraping at every vulnerable part inside of me. I let out a wail so loud I thought it would break the bay window, I thought if I had cried loud enough it would shatter this existence and somehow bring me to the before.

All I could think about was how I was a moment too late, If I had taken less time maybe I could've changed the present. I knew though, whether my wish was about him, about me, about our struggles...that it wouldn't have changed a thing. My papa died doing what he always said he would do, protecting us.

Once I collected myself enough to function, Jose walked me to his company vehicle to bring me down to my father's work. I came here as a young girl who went through the worst, became someone worth fighting for, only to shrivel back into that dirty poor child. When we had parked Jose saw how distant I was, out of tune with this reality.

" I understand if you don't want to hear these words right now, but as far as I'm concerned you are my hija. I cannot and never want to replace your papa but you always have a place with Marianna and I. I understand if you need to go back home to your Motherland, but home here is an option for you too. Marianna and I aren't rich by any means but we are willing to fight for your mama and siblings to get out of Mexico to come here and have the same life you've been working towards. Marianna told me that the apartment you and papa have been living in has been paid for by his employer the entirety of your duration here. She also said that he's willing to pay for it until you've decided what to do."

Jose's words ricocheted inside of me. I already felt like I was abusing the love and trust of two individuals who never asked for me. I played the daughter they never fully had and could rescue, but they never once called me Esperanza by mistake in the heat of the moment. They always called me Ana, my love, my daughter.

I fell into Jose's arms and cried for many moons inside of his truck, he held me like a father would hold his newborn, afraid to break me more than I was already broken. Eventually I pulled myself up and said "I am ready to face the hardest chapter of my life."

Jose held my hand as we walked into the mouth of my devil. We met with the two security guards in front of the gate, they took one look at me without an exchange of words and let us through. After walking what seemed like several days, we arrived to the office of the CEO Dan McKay. I would have never known his name if it wasn't for the gold plaque on his desk.

"Hello Ana, it's nice to meet you even though these are difficult times. I know you are aware that I've paid for your living situation until you've decided what it is you need to do. You're here on a work permit but I can easily get you full citizenship because of the nature of what happened to your father."

My face faltered once again thinking about papa and not knowing what became of him. "Hello Mr. McKay, I appreciate you, more than you know, all that you've done for my family. You've given my papa a chance, gave all of us a chance not to fall into the saddest parts of our ancestry. I'm not entirely sure why you are being so humble towards me when you have this empire, why one work accident towards a small time employee has you helping me out?" I was strong with my words but I swayed uncomfortably back and forth waiting for a response. A response I was never expecting.

"My dear Ana, I can say a lot of things to you right now, but I have a gift from your father that will probably explain things better than I can."

Dear Ana? I've never met this man in my life but he acted like he knew me. He handed me this little black book, the only thing that brought this book to life was the silver inscription on the front which said mi pájara.

Little bird. That was the engraving on this book. I knew there were many secrets inside. I grabbed hold of Jose, said goodbye to Mr. McKay and rode back to the café,

When we arrived back to the café, I couldn't understand how it looked exactly the same when my whole world had fallen apart. I was happy to come back to something comfortable but also knew nothing would feel as comforting anymore.

"Dear, I'm going to walk out of this vehicle and go find my wife and talk to her. I want you to take that book and go into your loft and not come out until you either come back to peace or need my help. Either way you are loved and we are here. I love you mija, so does Marianna. Get some rest."

Jose kissed my forehead one last time. I got out of the truck, book in hand and marched to the loft. With tears stained on my cheeks I wrapped myself in the hand crafted by Marianna blanket and opened the pages as slowly as possible.

"Dear Ana,

Happy birthday my sweet girl. I'm sorry I couldn't be with you for the whole day, I've been working very hard though and soon I will be able to spend more time with you and hopefully bring our whole family back together again. I want to keep this short because I bought this book solely for you to do your writing in, I know you haven't had much time to pursue your passion but now that you have a proper notebook I want you to fill these pages with all of your brilliant thoughts.

Ana my beloved, if anything happens to me I have taped a key right in the middle of this book. Go to my boss Mr. McKay, he will know exactly what to do.

Te amare por siempre pajarita,

Papa."

Tears were silently cascading down my face as I flipped through the pages to get to the middle. Right as my papa had said there was a shiny golden key taped to the center with an amateurly drawn bird and the words "soar free my darling." next to it. I rubbed my thumb against the key and cried quietly but deeply until I fell asleep with the book tight against my chest.

In the morning I awoke to the sound of Jose and Marianna singing "Feliz Cumpleanos" I half smiled at them and listened as they both glided towards me. Marianna was carrying a large slice of my birthday cake with one lit candle.

"Now before you say anything to us my dear I just wanted to say that even though your birthday was yesterday it was not at all properly celebrated, so today is your birthday do over day." Marianna beamed at me and sweetly placed the cake down on the night stand next to me.

"I just wanted to say the wish I was going to make yesterday before I blow out my candle."

Jose and Marianna both looked at me in anticipation, Jose held on to Marianna's shoulders as I began speaking again.

"The wish I was going to make was that I never wanted the moment to end. To stay right there forever with two of the people I loved most in this world. Surrounded by genuine happiness and the sweet smells of fresh pastries. No matter what becomes of the rest of my family, you two are also my family now and I refuse to lose the both of you as well."

I was looking down as these words poured from my mouth, when I looked back up both Jose and Marianna were in tears.

"We love you, we have since the moment you walked into our café as a shy and lost girl, and we have loved watching you grow into the fierce and powerful young woman that you are today. We know that not even the sky will be the limit for you. You have a place here and in our hearts for the rest of our lives' and beyond. Ana Sanchez, you are our world." Jose nodded in agreement at Marianna's touching words.

Tears formed in my eyes once again but this time they were tears of happiness. I turned to blow out the candle and decided just to wish for peace, for my family in California and my family in Mexico, and that we might all be united together someday.

The morning consisted of me eating cake and drinking hot chocolate and watching novellas with Marianna while Jose tidied up from last night. They closed for the rest of the week so I had time to get affairs in order for papa.

"Ana, I almost forgot!" Jose came running from the back room almost tripping over a chair leg with the present that was sitting on the counter yesterday. It isn't much but Marianna and I think you will enjoy it.

I took the present from Jose's hands and tenderly opened the gold packaging. I couldn't believe my eyes when I pulled out a brand new shiny turquoise digital camera, I let out a squeal of delight and jumped up to hug them both with all of the energy I could muster up.

"I can't believe you two would get me something so lavish, I am so grateful and appreciative, thank you!"

I carefully pulled the camera out of its box and secured the safety loop around my wrist. "Get together you two, I want you both to be my first memory in here." I took a couple of serious and silly shots of my second set of parents. For a few moments it seemed as if things were back to normal and that none of the painful events of yesterday ever happened, but as I walked back into my room and saw the journal lying open with the key shining menacingly at me, I knew that these joyful moments had to cease until the meaning of this tiny object came to light.

"Jose, can I ask you for a favor?"

"Of course, anything you need mi'ja"

"Would you mind driving me to papa's...former place of work. I need to talk with Mr. McKay." Jose immediately grabbed his keys and led me out to his vehicle.

When we arrived Jose perked up "Do you want me to stay here, or would you like me to come with you?"

"I'd rather you come with me, I don't exactly why I'm here yet."

We both walked through the gates and up to Mr. McKay's office.

"Ah Ana and Jose! How are you folks holding up?"

"We're doing the best that we can, how are things for you?" I talked this man as if I had known him my whole life.

"I am doing the best I can do also, your father was a very important part of this company to say the least. How can I help you?"

I reached into the back pocket of my jeans and pulled out the key and handed it to Mr. McKay.

"My papa left this in the book you gave to me, he said you would know what to do with it."

A tiny flicker of sadness fluttered in his eyes as he looked at the key.

"Mr. Lopez, do you mind if I steal Ana for a moment?" Jose silently shook his head no.

"Mr. McKay I-"

"Please Ana, call me Dan." I looked at this well dressed business man and wondered why he allowed such informalities.

We began walking through hallways in an uncomfortably loud silence, when he finally broke it.

"Did you ever wonder how your father wound up with a mysterious job in California?"

I stopped walking and looked up at Dan. "I never really questioned papa, I was just happy that he found a better way to support our family, and frankly I was excited to see what might be in store for my future."

" That's very wise, your father was always a good man. He was always someone I could rely on, even as child. You remind me a lot of him when he was your age."

"What do you mean? How did you know how my father was as a child?

"Well Ana, I wasn't always the man you see today. I was dirty and poor and slumming it in the streets with your father. We grew up together, him and your grandparents were all I had. My mother was a street walker and my father...well...let's just say he didn't deserve to have a family. The only difference between your father and I was that I caught a break and he didn't. I've kept in contact with him all of these years, he even sent me photos of you and all of your siblings when you were born. I told him when the time had come he would have a job here and eventually when he could afford it you all would come here too.

He wanted to bring you right away though, he was afraid of you turning into something and someone you were never meant to be. He loved all of you kids but he always said their was something extra special about you, and he didn't want to see that get destroyed."

So many questions flooded through my mind. Why have I never heard of Mr. McKay? Why was his surname not from a Spanish origin? Does he have a family of his own here?

As quickly as I thought these things, I also blurted them out.

Mr. McKay stifled his laughter. " I'll tell you everything in time little one, first let's see what your papa left for you."

We eventually reached a room that was lined with what looked like hundreds, possibly even thousands of lockers. Each locker had initials and a number taped to it.

"Ana, what number is on your key?"

It was only just then that I realized in all my sorrow that I never noticed a number carving in the key. I fished it shakily out of my pocket and flipped it over from its smooth side.

"714, it's Mama's birthday."

It took a few minutes but we found his locker much easier than I thought we would. I stood there hesitantly, I wasn't sure what I was so afraid of. It's not like the ghost of my papa would come crashing through the locker, or some other ridiculous scenario would happen.

"Go on Ana, there is nothing to be afraid of."

I looked at Dan, he looked at me with such compassionate deep brown eyes. I took an elongated breath and slid the key timidly into the lock, I gave it a sharp twist and it popped open. I slid my hands into the cool dark chamber and pulled out a thick white envelope. My mind started racing with what the contents of the envelope could contain.

As if he could read my mind Dan said, "Ana, come with me to the lounge. You can open the letter alone. I'll tell Jose you need some time and either he can pick you up later or I will give you a ride to wherever you would like to go. Does that sound okay with you?"

I quietly shook my head yes, and eventually we arrived to the lounge where he left me silently before giving me his office number so I could call him from the room's phone whenever I was finished processing whatever I had to process.

I sat in the comfiest chair I could find, it was a cool comfort though, not like the warmth I found in the café. It was much sadder, like a longing lingered in this very spot, in the whole building in general.

It was time for me to stop pushing off the inevitable, though. I took the envelope and curled my finger under the crease of the opening and glided it smoothly through the other side. I took out the folded contents and placed them on my lap. I unfolded the papers and found an even smaller envelope which I placed on the side table next to me, deciding to read the letter before opening that.

It was a long letter, explaining many of the questions I had, some that I now knew the answers to already. How Papa came to know Dan, and that he never told us about him because he didn't want to instill false hope into our family incase his future plans didn't work out. How Papa already knew to trust the Lopez family because they had also helped Dan when he was a young man and came with nothing but his hard work ethic and sharp mind. That I reminded him so much of himself when he was young but wanted me to someday live the comfortable life that his childhood best friend did, and he knew that I would and that I would save our family like he never could.

He wrote that the small envelope was for when I was eighteen or for if he was no longer with me. At this point I was already in shattered pieces, the sleeve of my sweatshirt was soaked in my tears.

I took a few moments to reflect on his words and the state of mine and my remaining family's future. Then I grabbed the somehow feather light yet stone heavy envelope from the table.

I opened it and feverishly pulled out the thin piece of paper. I automatically let out a shrill scream. I expected half of the company to come running in like the FBI, but there was just me in the room half shaking and sobbing and somehow laughing like a mad woman. In my hands I held a check for 20,000 dollars with my name and the words "Soar high, and soar free."

How did my papa manage to set aside this money in so little time? Why give it to me and not our family back in Mexico? I might be considered and orphan here but I was more well off than they could ever possibly be in Pueblo.

It was late, the sun hung over the Ocean like a swollen blood orange. On my ride home Dan explained that my father had been sending him small amounts of money every month from Mexico when he could afford to, so when we arrived we could have something to start off with. When I ended up securing a spot in Marianna and Jose's hearts he decided to keep that small sum of money and have half of his check set aside every week so my life would be secure in whatever endeavors I pursued. Having only half of a check every week in California would put most people on the streets, but if there was anything my Papa knew how to do in his lifetime, it was how to survive.

We parked in front of the café, the front light was on for me but the rest of the building was dark, everyone sleeping while my mind was on the verge of imploding.

"So Ana, I know this is all overwhelming to say the least and you probably don't have an answer quite yet, but... do you have a plan yet with your inheritance?"

Without hesitation I exclaimed, "I am going to use all if not most of it to bring my family here with me, it is what my father would have wanted and it is what I need the most right now."

Dan took a thoughtful moment before nodding his head. " You are right that it's what your father would have wanted, but it's not what he would want you to do, it's what he would've wanted you to say." I looked at him inquisitively.

"You need not worry about your family, for it's a burden that was entrusted with you your whole life, it's my turn to take on the sorrow that I left behind many years ago. I've already started the process of getting your family here to be with you. I cannot tell you what to do with your money, but you are bright and witty. I would save what you can for your future studies."

It has only been a couple of days since this man has entered my life, but somehow there was love that burned deeply between us like he was a third papa and I his only flesh and blood.

We sat there, for hours, I wrapped in his embrace, falling asleep for the first time feeling okay under the bright new moon.

Six Years Later

I step into the Quetzal Café, the smell of my young hopes and fears greeting me with nostalgic delight. A banner with every color you can imagine beamed at me with the loving words of "Congratulations little bird!" in Spanish. My whole family, blood and adoptive wrapped me up in a warmth that ripped through my soul and shook me to the core.

I had completed my last year of college at the prestigious California Institute of Arts, with a full ride due to my rigorous studying and my exceptionally written college essay, my background also helped pave my way. I became a first generation graduate for my family with a bachelors in writing and was already on my way to publish my first book, a biography of my life.

When not writing, I made money by taking photographs of different people on my journey through life which I attached to a small paragraph of their life story and put it up on a blog I started my second year of college.

My brother's became valued employees of Dan's and my sister's were about to begin their first year of high school, both filled with the thrill of what they could become. A feeling I had not known could exist until I was three years older than they were.

As for the 20,000 dollars, since I did not need it for school, I did the only thing I knew I could do. I made a down payment on a decently sized house so my mother and eventually Jose and Marianna could live together and never have to worry about money or survival again.

Through the future years our family came into much wealth and many connections, but the most important part of my accomplishments was knowing I honored my late father in such a way that he would rest in peace eternally.

I am Ana Sanchez, and I now know how it feels to soar free and unrestricted.