Beautiful Chaos

When I was young, my mother did all of the things expected of a young stay-at-home mother of two young children - she cooked wholesome, healthy meals from scratch, engaged us with crafts, and, most importantly, she read to us every single night. Usually she would read to us from our Childcraft Folk Tales book. This book contained condensed versions of some of the most beloved nursery rhymes, folk tales, and fables. I was perhaps three years old, my younger sister just a little less than a year younger. We would both rush through our nightly baths, struggling into our pajamas as we raced to snuggle down in our beds, excitedly waiting to discover which stories we would explore that night.

I remember wonderful nursery rhymes interspersed with excerpts from the Brothers Grimm and even Aesop's fables. Jumping from the visualization of Jack Sprat (who could eat no fat) and his rotund wife (who, of course, could eat no lean) to Brer Rabbit's and Brer Fox's escapades and The Pokey Kitten's explorations. One of the stories that I believe affected me the most was The Ugly Duckling. Even now, almost forty years later, I can remember the sadness I felt for how the Ugly Duckling was mistreated by his (supposed) family and friends. I remember feeling outraged that the people who were supposed to love him completely and unconditionally were so hurtful. I clearly remember the joy and vindication my sister and I felt when the Ugly Duckling found his true family.

When I was younger, I associated the happy ending of the story with the Ugly Duckling discovering that the ones he thought of as his "family" and "friends" were not his true family. (I'm quite sure this is where many disgruntled teenagers derive the idea that they must be adopted, I know it was the root of my feelings that "my real family is out there looking for me" that I clung to during that rough time in my development.) Yet, as I've grown older, moved away from home, joined the Navy, and traveled the world, gathering friends that became like family close to my heart along the way, my understanding of the story's end has shifted. Some of these friends were very much like the Ugly Duckling: they were ostracized from their "family" simply for being themselves, and they very much felt that they didn't have a place to belong. These were my "people", the ones who loved and accepted me for exactly who I was, just as I celebrated the uniqueness that made each of them so very special. They were my chosen family, offering me the complete and unconditional love and acceptance that most people experience from their birth families.

When I had my son, one of our absolute favorite pastimes was bedtime stories. Unfortunately, the Childcraft books were ruined many years before he was born, but he had an extensive library of newer stories for us to both enjoy. One of his favorite stories was Rainbow Fish. This was a story about the beautiful Rainbow Fish who had many sparkling, shiny scales. Unfortunately, the Rainbow Fish was very prideful and disdainful of all of the other fish who were not as beautiful as he. In the end, the Rainbow Fish decided to share his beautiful scales with all of the other fish so that they were all beautiful, allowing the Rainbow Fish to put aside his prejudices and recognize the beauty of all the other fish around him. My son loved this story. Every night this story was read at least once, but pleas were always made for multiple readings.

My son has grown into a wonderful young man who is accepting of all people and who does not tolerate hateful or prejudiced views. He refuses to allow anyone to express hateful ideas out of ignorance, constantly challenging the root of their beliefs. When he was in high school, he would come home upset because he couldn't understand how some people could be so narrow minded about so many different things like race, finances, style, even music! I'm so very proud of the choices he has made and the battles he has fought as he has struggled to find his place in the world, but I'm just as proud that he feels that I am one of his "people".

It is my hope that everyone finds their "people" in this life: those beautiful, kindred souls who see you as you are and love you completely! As my son and I both continue on our journeys, my main hope is that we continue to add to the "family" we have chosen. I hope that all of the Ugly Ducklings and Rainbow Fish of the world are able to see the reality that they are not alone and they deserve love and acceptance. I also hope that all parents take the time to share some of these classic stories with the young souls in their lives, so they know that they will always be accepted and loved.