Are Children too Young to have Choices?

Before I begin, I feel like I should say that in no way am I judging anyone’s parenting choices. I am strictly beginning a discussion that a lot of people tend to have different opinions about.

Leaving children out of choices has been done for a very long time. There are many people who think it is not only more convenient but a way of teaching children how to be grateful for what you have. In my opinion, I think it could be looked at in two ways; as a lesson on gratitude or an 18 year power trip.

“Eat what I cooked or don’t eat”

If you have been working all day long and then you come home tired, of course you probably don’t have the energy to figure out everyone’s desired meal choice. That is understandable BUT what if what you cooked, isn’t desirable to the person sitting at the table at all? I’m not speaking about vegetables because I understand that eating healthy sometimes has to be taught. I am referring to a night where you come home, cook spaghetti and then realize that the spawn sitting across from you at the table is not interested in spaghetti at all.

Then, what do you do?

I am one of the people who do believe that children should have a voice. The problem is that you have no idea why they don’t want that spaghetti. It could be that they just don’t like spaghetti. Maybe they don’t like tomatoes or maybe something in the ingredients makes their stomach hurt. You will have no idea why, if you jumpy to forcing the food down their throat instead of just asking.

Because kids do generally take an inch instead of a mile, it would probably be smart to know what types of food your kid likes to eat. Maybe you lean more towards those types of food, instead of only cooking easier meals that you enjoy eating.

Whenever I was younger, I was not a picky eater. You could put pretty much anything in front of me and I would demolish it. However I did have a list of things in my head that I wanted to stay away from. I was never an ungrateful child in that aspect either. If I see that my parents have worked all day just to get off and cook us a hot meal, I want to eat that meal BUT if it was something on that list… I was not going to eat!

The same foods that were on my list then, are on my list now. So that’s the real problem, whenever we don’t give children a voice in the kitchen, we don’t realize that these are real dislikes that they have. Don’t push that away, learn them.

As inconvenient as it might be, you do have to integrate everyone’s likes and dislikes in the kitchen. At first it may seem like a hassle but in the end it actually makes everything easier. Less complaining and happier times at the dinner table.

If you come to the realization that you have birthed a picky eater, then find a way to make it work for both of you. Don’t pick on the child for being picky. Learn their likes and dislikes and make sure that they know that you know them. This will make them feel heard and hopefully in return, they will show gratitude through great behavior.

Giving children a voice goes beyond the kitchen table. Listening to what your children have to say can end many problems before they start, in all aspects of their life. A long time ago, I came across a tweet that said something about how someone waited to paint/decorate their child’s room until they were old enough to include their input in the decor. At first I was like what, why? The persons reasoning was because they want their child to love their room. They want that room to be a place of comfort and the best way to do that was by letting them have a part in the creation of it. That’s when I realized how much more excited would I have been to be in my room if I had a part in how it looked. From the bedspread to the pictures and paint on the wall… that would light a kid up, whether it be subconsciously or consciously.

From their room to the clothes that they wear, to the food that they eat… they shouldn’t run the house but they should have a voice. If you don’t let them speak up at home, they will either speak up no where or go other places and do what they want there. I remember my mom getting me clothes that I hated whenever I was young and whenever she did let me choose, she would put away so many things that I picked out. So I would save all of my money and wait to go shopping with my friends and then hide those clothes. I would leave the house and change whenever I got to my next destination. She thought that she was making a choice for me but in reality I was just hiding mine from her.

For me, it was growing up and realizing the simple fact that a child’s voice matters in every topic in their life because regardless of their age… it is still their life! They don’t get full control of it until they are 18 but that doesn’t mean that they shouldn’t have a say in it at all. Hearing them, is knowing them. It goes beyond parenting. If you’re a babysitter or a sibling or an uncle or anyone who has any time frame of child sitting or having an influence on a child, you have to try to hear them out within reason. Until recently, I feel like parenting was always painted as black and white but there are so many grey areas and creative ways to make the process better for all parties involved.

Also, allowing children to speak their mind at a young age, will encourage them to continue doing so as they get older.

What do you think?

As always, all tips are greatly appreciated. Thank you for reading.

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