An Ode to my First Supporter

I’ve been working on my PhD in Biomedical Sciences for the past 3 and a half years. It’s been some of the most rewarding and tumultuous years of my life. I have been working in the lab of my dreams on neuromuscular degenerative diseases. The scientists and friends I’ve made along the way have continued to motivate me and support me through all of life’s hardballs, but they weren’t my first support group. My family and community from northern Maine were the first to develop my wonder and work ethic which culminated into my dream of becoming a scientist. This is where the tumultuous part comes in. In the last year, I lost 3 grandparents. In February of 2020, I lost my older brother to a freak flu that led to sepsis and brain damage. I have also lost several loved ones from my community who nurtured me and allowed me to grow.

But this essay isn’t about them, it’s about the woman who started it all and who passed away in November 2017.

My mom was and still is the reason that I am successful today. She was a single mother who put her kids first. She had 4 older kids, now in their 40’s, and what she would lovingly call her ‘second’ litter my sister and I(we are now in our 20s). We were poor, but she never let us know it. I only caught on when I got older and understood why she’d skip meals and saw the medical bills. She’d work any extra job she could whether it be harvesting broccoli and potatoes in the fields, baking cakes, or taking shifts at the bottle redemption center. Despite all this, she still found time to volunteer at our school, buy us school supplies, and help us create our science projects. Even though we didn’t really have the money to spare, she would also make sure our holidays were spectacular. For Christmas, she made sure to stuff our stockings to the brim with fun and useful things. There was always some chapstick, maybe some nail polish, but my favorite treat was the chocolate orange. Every Christmas without fail, I crave that splendid treat. My next favorite holiday was St. Patrick’s day. She would hide chocolate coins around the house and leave us clues from the ‘leprechauns’ that would lead us to the treasure. She’d also cook us green eggs and toast in the morning.

She would also often volunteer as a mascot for the agricultural fairs, for school events, and parades. She played Sparky the Fire Dog, Smokey the Bear, Spuddy the Potato, and even Santa. She also exposed me to charity work. She helped start a food pantry in our hometown and continued to work there until she passed away. We also collected and counted bottle tabs for the Anah Shriners and their prosthetics for children program. She would also help run fundraisers for the school. She put education above all else and made sure we had an environment where we could grow and flourish.

She didn’t complete high school herself because she had to work and take care of her brothers. My mom’s father passed away when she was 5 and my gram took it hard. My gram was suffering from bipolar disorder which caused her to make several attempts on her life. I remember when I got older, my mom told me that on one Christmas, she woke up to gram naked on the couch with her wrists slit. My mom cleaned her up and put presents under the tree since my gram didn’t. My mom made sure she would always be there for us despite any amount of pain she was in. She even went back to school to complete her GED so she could proudly point to it and say she expected us to at least complete high school since she did.

I am a first-generation college student let alone graduate student. You would think that living in Northern Maine in a single mother household below the poverty line would reduce my exposure to what opportunities lay out there career and life-wise, but through a supportive family and community, I found my calling to science. I wanted to venture. I wanted to break the cycle of illiteracy and poverty in my family. I wanted to learn. Science was the best opportunity I had to answer life’s big questions, but I wasn’t sure how far I could go or how I would embrace science. My high school biology teacher, Mr. McCrea, instigated the flames that lead me to biomedical research. On a sophomore field trip, he brought us to two labs on Mount Desert Island, Maine. Mount Desert Island Biological Laboratories (MDIBL) and the Jackson Laboratory. After seeing the high-grade lab spaces, the excited scientists, and the compelling research being conducted, I was inspired to go into biomedical research. Plus, these labs weren’t all that from home. I thought Maine was so small, but these labs really opened the doors of possibility to me. I made a decision right then and there that I would work in at the Jackson Laboratory and I promised my mom I would make it there one day. I applied to the summer student programs at both institutes in undergrad and high school. I wasn’t accepted, but that didn’t stop me. Through my undergraduate institution, the University of Maine (UMaine), I was able to take a course at MDIBL and learn about genetics and zebrafish research. I also joined several labs at UMaine where I studied about fungi through chytrids in the Longcore lab and alcoholism through mice delivered to the Rosenwasser lab by JAX. These efforts were all supported by my mom who would send whatever care packages she could during my finals weeks. She'd even come downstate to visit. She would fold my clothes and make my bed if I hadn't gotten to it. I often lived in a nest of blankets and textbooks in those days constantly studying and applying to scholarships, so my bed was almost never made. When it came time to graduate, I wasn’t sure what to do. College let alone grad school was new territory for me and my family. But then I found out UMaine had a grad school program, the Graduate School of Biomedical Sciences and Engineering (GSBSE) that would fulfill the dream I had in high school. Through this program, I could rotate between several institutions such as the Maine Medical Center for Research Institute (MMCRI) in Portland and most importantly, MDIBL and JAX.

During the interview process, I met brilliant PIs and students alike. I ended up rotating in three labs ran by people I met during the initial interviews. I worked at UMaine with zebrafish and streptococcus infection in the Neely lab. I worked with C. elgans and fertility at MDIBL in the Updike lab. Finally, I rotated and eventually joined the Cox lab at JAX. Each of these mentors illustrated great pride and excitement in their work. They took every opportunity to teach me and others. Every word they spoke was to nurture rather than prune my development. They also embodied excellent home/work boundaries having enriching lives outside of lab as well. This was particularly important when my mother, my greatest supporter, died in the first year of my PhD.

If it was not for my supportive network of friends, colleagues, and mentors, I am honestly not sure I would have made it this far. My mom was my first supporter. With her gone, I have had great emotional, financial, and psychological scars that will haunt me for a long time. I miss being able to call her and tell her how hard I was working. I long to hug her and tell her that I'll have my PhD one day. However, the work I am performing now, my gene therapy project with Nationwide Children’s Hospital from Ohio, biotech development with Signal Solutions LLC from Kentucky, and all the other wondrous projects I have had the pleasure of conducting have given my life meaning in a way that I don’t believe I would have achieved otherwise.

I was admitted to the Jackson Laboratory right after my mom passed away and I'm still here because I made her a promise. I am going to work at JAX and I am going to become Dr. Holbrook. I am going to continue learning and helping people even though my first supporter is gone. The spirit and wonder she and the others in my life have instilled in me continues to drive me even though I can't hear from her or the many others I have lost.

If you enjoyed this story, please leave a like. If you want to know more about my research, follow my twitter @SEHrotonin or send me an email through [email protected].